The Consequence of Life

Thought for the Day

Hello from my seat on another Flight,

At various moments, and even when traveling, I have been known to spend my time by writing, and often my writing occurs when I am puzzled, when I am concerned, or perhaps, when I am frustrated by something or someone. The choice to write is how I attempt to make sense of the non-sensical, and one need look no farther (or further) than reading the daily headlines, listening to the talking heads, or hoping to figure out what compels students to do what they do, to realize the non-sensical is the norm rather than the exception.

When people learn that I have been in a college classroom for three decades, the first question I am often asked is “Are students different than when you first began teaching?” And of course, their interrogative tone assumes I will answer yes, and that my thoughts about differences are pejorative in nature. The question itself is problematic because it is so vague and open ended, and yet, I believe, in spite of their hope I will confirm their suspicions about Gen-Whatever, the question still has some validity. As I think about possible responses to this, I decided to consider specific moments in the time period my career covers. Even when considering specific students, there is always a cultural, contextual, and historical element to my evaluation. Additionally, there are the societal expectations of the reality the great majority of students grew up believing they should attend college. In spite of my role, or perhaps because of my role, as a college professor, I do not believe college is the best choice, the one-size-fits-all, for every 18 year old. More importantly, my rationale for such a statement is complex, but it does include issues of maturity, finance, and intelligence.

And yet, going back to the Fall of 1992, I found myself, albeit unexpectedly, in a role as a campus pastor and instructor at a junior college. I have noted in earlier posts that the position was a complex one, and yet many of my struggles with the overlapping aspects of that job were of my own making. However, I had some incredibly capable students there. There was also a breadth beyond what I ever imagined in how they came into their first year as students, in their understanding of what was expected of them, or how they conducted themselves in their first foray into independence. Having completed my own undergraduate studies at a liberal arts college, I thought I understood what I would face, but I was wrong. I had little idea of how to straddle the role of campus pastor, instructor, church relations, and someone going through a divorce. I made significant errors in judgment, and yet, I was blessed with some really good people, and by the grace of God, I think some positive results occurred. I can say that with some certainty because I am still in contact with some of them.

What I remember is there was an incredible sort of divide between traditionally aged students and those who were working on their AARN, those who came back, hoping to create a more successful life for themselves. The needs of the two groups of students was profoundly different, and I experienced because of my role as the campus pastor. I would leave that position, and soon found myself back in the role of graduate student again, and also trying to figure out who I was. Single, supply preaching, on my own in a profoundly different way, I was much like the proverbial fish-out-of-water. My counselor at the time (and he would be so for 6 years) was well aware of my struggles, and he once stated, “You are quite good at managing your professional life, but your personal life is quite the mess.” He was both insightful and honest. Being a graduate teaching instructor was quite a change from being the campus pastor, and weekends in the pulpit and weekdays in a composition or technical writing classroom had me feeling a bit divided, to say the least. To make sense of it all, I returned to things I understood, playing my guitar and doing Friday and Saturday gigs, and waiting tables to support the poor graduate student I was. Of course, there were other things that complicated life, another relationship, a bishop, and a lifestyle (for those who work food and beverage this is no surprise) that was injurious to my liver and my self-respect.

I would work my way through a loss of a parent, the loss of an ordination, and the failure of another marriage. I would lose a house, all my retirement savings, and find myself back in Houghton with yet another opportunity to finish my PhD a second time. And yet, in spite of my basic intelligence, my common sense was often on vacation. Still once again, by God’s grace and some supportive mentors and friends, some bosses, their spouses, and even some fellow students, I persevered, kept it together well enough to complete my studies. The students at Michigan Technological University were incredibly capable students, and at moments, I believe it was their desire for excellence that spurred me, raising the bar for me, both in the classroom and in my own studies. The reality of my own health and its frailty was also something that forced me to make better choices. I realize that as I look back.

Perhaps the greatest difficult of that period was the constant juxtaposition I found in myself. I was a 40-something in a world of 20-somethings, I had graduate degrees, but was working on another. I was lonely, but did not know how to manage it, and I was still trying to determine where it would all go. There have been numerous times where I have surmised that many of my struggles were because of a simple (or at least a singular) issue. While the reasons for it were complex, the fact was the various parts of me never seemed to be in the same chronological place. One part of me was still the 4 year old wishing to feel safe. Another was that adolescent who always felt smaller, younger, less capable than my classmates or friends. Yet another wished I had gone through life the normal way (whatever that is) and that I had completed college on time, that the person I had married out of college would have stayed married, had a family, and yes, lived the happily ever after. Perhaps that had me in my 20s or 30s. Again, somehow, I was behind, underdeveloped, underprepared, and less capable. And yet, I was still blessed by others and my sense of resiliency maintained.

I would find myself in Wisconsin in a first tenure-track position. I have written about some of this recently in a posting about a colleague there who had recently passed away. As I got there I thought things would fall into place, but again, my idealism would soon be dashed. My need to fit in, my desire to find those whom I could trust, and yet again, even my foolishness would undermine me. And yet, my time in Menomonie did more than perhaps anytime in my life to close all the gaps that life had created. The chronological disjointedness, the non-sensical choices that too often sabotaged my progress, would finally begin to be replaced. In spite of a Dean, one determined in McConnell sort of a way to make me a one-term individual, there were those who supported me. In my first year, a single mother for whom I retrieved a cookie for her daughter trusted my intentions to support her academic journey. A young incredibly brilliant and talented art student, one who would eventually live in my little carriage house, taught me so much about goodness. A third, who is now 40 and dear to me beyond words, blessed me in ways too many to count. Even those students I failed to work with successfully were important.

And that is only the beginning. Colleagues (one who mentored me beyond Stout into my position in Pennsylvania), dear next-door-on-the-circle colleagues who helped me realize a move might be the best thing ever, and the one who is now the most trusted friend I could ever hope to have, the one who supported and created the possibility for me to leap, contributed to where I am. Restaurateurs, individuals in my church, and others helped me manage those Wisconsin years and welcomed me as I returned to assist the person who probably single-handedly changed my life. And in terms of welcoming me back, a colleague one who began their tenure at Stout when I did became a friend as I was leaving; now 15 years, she and her husband are some of the dearest friends I have. I am often stunned by the seeming reoccurrence the connectedness of people and places. And this is more than the Six Degrees of Separation. It is much more about realizing what you have done, what you have said, or what you experienced can always come around later in life. Consequences have the ability to be timeless, and sometimes that is problematic, and it can be painful.

As I move toward the next phase of my life, I find that I have many more things to be grateful for than I have to regret. I know that is most certainly a blessing. Even as I am in the last days of a last academic year, I continue to learn about the realities of our present world. It could be easy to be disillusioned as yet another experience with students has illustrated their self-centeredness, but more importantly, it provides an opportunity to be gracious. I will serve them and myself better if I choose kindness. Earlier today, I meet a colleague from another department, another college, someone I have never met before, but incredibly brilliant and well versed in our world. We had a wonderful chat about Europe and languages, about travel and other cultures. And as importantly, I have another connection in Europe, and to places I have hoped to travel. As we fly toward the end of the semester, the reality of life, the reality of consequence, and the reality of its all process are in focus. As I sit on the back deck of La Malbec, the sun warms my face and arms, but as importantly, it warms my soul. And with such a day, I am again aware of how much there is to do, both in the immediate (yet today or tomorrow), the near (the next month or two) and beyond (next fall). As I flew home this week, I watch the movie, Children of a Lesser God. My working with ASL students this semester has opened my eyes in ways I could have ever imagined, and yes, ironically, opened my ears to sounds and ideas never known.

Thank you as always for reading.

Dr. Martin

Amazed by the Changes

Hello from Placerville, CA.,

It’s the first time I have been back to Hang Town, as it is called, the County Seat of El Dorado County since a somewhat ill-fated trip on December of 2021. My first visit to this little boutique town was in the fall of 2005, when I drove up from San Francisco while attending a CPTSP Conference, and I was in awe of the town and the wineries and vineyards nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. The beauty and ruggedness of the cliffs and canyons, the smell of the coming crush that would occur from the acres and acres under vine, and the hospitality of both my distant cousin and her husband as well as their winemaker, and others associated with the budding winery, Miraflores, began a relationship that has now endured for almost two decades.

That next summer I would return to live in the little quarters on the amazing land and work with the winery to create content, both through a news letter and a website. Additionally, I worked with the winery doing daily labor and learning an incredible amount about viticulture, fermenting, racking, bottling, and all that occurs from the harvest to the sale. And yet I know there is so little I really understand, the chemistry, the amazing interaction between grapes, skins, yeast, time, and the list could go on. Each time I listen to Marco I learn something new about this ancient tradition, and the first recorded Biblical miracle. Even now, after attending Peter D’Souza’s Wines and Spirits class (twice), through participating in my own focused reading, and continuing to work to match food and wine, there is so much to know. Indeed, as Albert Finney, who acted brilliantly in A Good Year, noted, “this brilliant nectar is incapable of lying.” I am continually amazed by how a day difference in heat or moisture can change the profile of a block of grapes, all tended in the same manner, significantly. If you ever have the opportunity for a vertical tasting, do it. You will be amazed by the change.

The first summer I stayed in the wine country of the Sierra Nevada foothills, I learned so much, but now, and importantly so, I realize how blessed I was to meet such an unparalleled person in Marco Cappelli. He, as I think I noted in a previous blog, is truly a Renaissance person. Brilliant and skilled in his craft only scratches the surface. He is intelligent, inquisitive, and probing, while simultaneously gentle, kind, and beyond gracious. That same summer I met Belinda, also capable beyond most people I have met in ways too numerous to count. She is an astute and successful businesswoman, a thoughtful and stunningly intuitive decorator, and elegant with no attempt to be so. Together, as I have watched their marriage and partnership is a thing of beauty. They compliment each other in most every way, and as I observe their two exquisite creations, their parenting is what I believe everyone might hope to do. Their daughter and son are individuals with personality, with intelligence, with a sense of love and decency, and beautiful or handsome in every sense of the words. It is so enjoyable to see the young people they have become, as well as to imagine who they might someday be.

The gift they (now the four of them) are in my life goes far beyond what I might hope or deserve. Each time I find my way back to Placerville, they amaze me in unexpected ways, with possible outcomes unanticipated, and always with a kindness that humbles me. I love observing them and watching them in situations from puzzle making to tromping around in the snow outside of Ascoli Piceno. In the last almost 14 years I have watched the boundless love two people had only show ever greater possibilities toward their children. I saw both offspring as toddlers or smaller, and I continually marvel at how they develop and change. They give me a sense of hope, both individually and collectively. I cannot stop smiling both inside and out as I watch them. Gia and Carlo are such a joy to behold, and each of them offer a goodness that is so necessary in our crazy world. One of the things I have always observed in Marco and Belinda is how together they create a beautiful atmosphere, an aura of you will, which cannot help but create an environment in which others can thrive. I experienced that the first summer I was at Miraflores. They are both capable beyond words and have high expectations of others, and yet they are never demanding of those around them. They exemplify what you might hope and raise the bar in such a way you are glad to work toward it. I see this in the way they support their employees, their children, and even me as a friend.

One of the most amazing things, regardless the period of time since last visit, they make me feel welcome as if I never left (perhaps it is because I do go away :)). Since I was here the last time they have made substantial changes: a new home, a new business, a profoundly more grown up son and daughter, and yet the basics – all the things noted above – are still alive and well. And just perhaps they are more content than I have ever witnessed in the past. In conversations over the past day and a half, I hear a contentment, and while the irons in the fire are still many, it seems they are happy with their changes; they have a unified direction, which I believe has always been true, but that direction is now more within their control. The changes made were done not out of necessity, but with a sense of purpose, with a plan in mind.

Too often I believe we are the victim of change rather than the instigator. Too often we are the tail-wagging-the-dog. As I move into the last weeks of work, I am increasingly aware of my own perspective changes, and each week I try to accomplish something that has a long term consequence, something that will make this coming fall and beyond more manageable. Over the past month to six weeks, I have found myself living in multiple worlds, trying to figure out work, retirement, personal life, and more. It has been a bit overwhelming, and there are pieces of it I have not managed, but I am working to get there. While some of that has been by escaping to Cleveland, to California, all while working, commenting, grading, advising, meeting with students, and more, I have felt a bit like the whirling dervish. Perhaps, I too am feeling like the victim of change versus managing it, but I am hoping that will change soon. I know the next few weeks will be busy. I have two graduate commencements to attend, concerts, recitals, and more, but simply sitting down and scheduling it all will be start. Change is cliche at times, and our thoughts about it even more so, but it is what life does. That has been illustrated in profound, but clear terms as I have returned to Placerville. As I walked down Main Street today, I thought about that summer of 2006 when I met some amazing people at the local Starbucks, a group of individuals that I was quite amazed by. I wonder where they are now. I remember a restaurant that I would frequent and enjoyed. I remember meeting at other times with other winery employees through the years. I remember times in between when I have visited and stayed at the Crush Pad. I remember coming here with Melissa and Jordan about 10 years ago. There are so many memories and still even more changes. Life was so different when I came here that first time. I lived in Wisconsin. Lydia was alive. Tara and Melissa were significant parts of my life. I remember coming when I was first interviewing for my present position, and it was during the Christmas holidays. There was a time I visited and laid in bed at the Crush Pad, burning with fever the entire time, isolated so I did not get anyone else ill. I remember New Year’s Eves at a dinner party at a restaurant or another time kayaking with Matricia. There are more memories than one could ever begin to recount, but Placerville, the Fairplay Appellation, visits from internship students from Lake Tahoe, barrel tasting, going away parties, it’s all part of the tapestry that is the last two decades of coming to this northern California County.

I am reminded of yet another movie, one that have given me my nickname from another former student. She calls me Norman, from the beloved movie, On Golden Pond. At the moment when Chelsea, played by Jane Fonda is lamenting her relationship with her father, actually played by her real-life father, Henry Fonda, her mother, played by the incredible Katherine Hepburn, says, “Life marches by, Chels. I suggest you get on with it” (On Golden Pond, 1981). It is one of the more truthful statements. Too often we live with a sense of regret for what might have been, what we should have done, or what we missed. That is an incredibly sad way to live. I did it in the past, and in some ways perhaps that is what I still wonder, but I am pretty sure that learning from the past is not about regret. Perhaps it is embracing the change. Over the past few months, conversations and interactions with an incredible human being pushed me to ponder, imagine, and realize both where I am as well as who I am. Not all of that has been easy, but it has been necessary. I am still trying to come to terms with what I think or believe. i am still trying to understand what it all means, and in spite of my ability to put words to screen, I have no clear words to articulate what I understand or feel. It was certainly about the possibility of change, and then my fear of it. It is there was too many possibilities? Was it that such a change on top of the other impending changes was more than I could fathom? Was it I am more content with some aspects of life than I realize? Amazed by it all is certainly accurate. Blessed by the opportunity to imagine more than I perhaps understand. Life is changing quickly, and I am both excited and terrified. In the meanwhile, I have two more days here in Placerville with Marco, Belinda, Gia, and Carlo. Again, yet another blessing . . . I will hopefully see Matricia and Victor, spend some more time on Main Street, and still get work done. It is much the same as it was that summer so many years ago. This video from the movie, On Golden Pond, was one of the most significant of the entire movie because of the relationship between Henry Fonda and his daughter. Their actual relationship in life was mirrored by this scene in the movie. Much has been written about the filming of this scene and what it did for them. It is poignant.

Thanks as always for reading.

Dr. Martin

Examining a Changing Academy

Good-bye, Oh Captain My Captain

Hello from my upstairs office,

As I move into my last month of teaching during the academic year, and there is an additional four week summer course to manage, I find myself stepping back to reflect on what being involved in some kind of teaching since 1992 has shown. When I took that first position at Suomi College, a Finnish Lutheran Junior College in Hancock, Michigan, I was naive believing that being a professor, or even an instructor as I was, was valued and respected. What I learned then was I had incredibly talented and brilliant colleagues, ones woefully under-compensated for the amazing things they did in their classrooms. I remember going toe-to-toe with a President at a meeting when I argued that bringing woefully underprepared students to the Upper Peninsula for two years or less and then sending them home for their academic failure was exploitation because the college had received full financial aid, and the students left with thousands of dollars of debt. Needless to say, the President did not appreciate my opinion, and he screamed his displeasure with me. That was three decades ago, and unfortunately, I see this same thing still occurring today. There has been a lot written about this, and while I am certainly supportive of providing opportunity to a wide range of first generation students. Merely bringing them to campus, putting them in a room, giving them a schedule, and feeding them does not create a successful environment. I am also aware of the supportive programs, the early alerts, the recent practice of sending alerts to a web of individuals will somehow remedy their under-preparedness, believing we have done what is necessary seems to be falling short on multiple levels. What have we done by pushing the practice that college is necessary for all to succeed?

This is a difficult question, and it is something that has been decades in the making. The great majority of students I meet have grown up believing they are required to attend college. 529 Accounts, the continued growth of endowments and university foundations have worked diligently to make it fiscally feasible, and yet those often it falls woefully short as the average undergraduate debt in the states is now $37,000 (as of 2023). And that is just the financial piece of the puzzle. The move toward STEM above all else has had consequences also. And I mean no lack of appreciation for my colleagues in the College of Science and Technology or the College of Health Professions, but without an understanding of the world as a complex culture, which requires the Arts and the Humanities, we are little more than the individuals George Orwell predicted in his dystopian novel. And while I appreciate the importance of the Professional U office at our university, and even more so the staff who works tirelessly to prepare students to take what they learn and put it into practice, too often this becomes one more box to check, continuing what seems to be a recipe card to a diploma versus encouraging those in our classes to think, analyze, and synthesize what they are doing in their classes. As I have noted in previous blogs, it was a first trip to Europe during a January interim that I learned how to learn. I was 25 years old, and I had been through the Marine Corps, but I had little idea how do to more than memorize and regurgitate. It was as I walked the streets of Rome, Florence, Munich, Copenhagen, Lübeck, or Aachen that I began to realize learning was experiencing and pondering. Education was absorbing and discussing the experience with someone who offered insight, walking with someone who saw the complexity of the world, but could explain it to a somewhat worldly, and yet simple Midwestern young man in a way that made a difference. It was being that sponge and not realizing what all happened, and often for years. It was connecting the words of Ernest Hemingway and Thomas Mann to the places they wrote of, and for me it was the first experience of what would become a life-long struggle with health that had me depart on my own, attempting to get back to the states (which did not happen), only to find my way around Germany on my own until I was reunited with my classmates to fly back together. Auguries of Loneliness was the title of that interim, and I lived it in a way unanticipated.

What I see and what I hear today is more about just completing the pieces to the requirement puzzle, checking off the boxes and finishing the 120. One of the colleges worked intentionally, and intently, to keep their students from needing anything outside their college, believing such a narrow focus would prepare someone for our increasingly complex world. I think there has been some reversal, but the academic arrogance of that stunned many. And yet, I think there is more of the canary-in-the-coalmine reality to this example than most want to admit. I have noted my appreciation for aspects of STEM education than some of my liberal arts colleagues, but as I watch what is happening throughout the system, I see a sort of vocational reality permeating higher education. And yet in spite of the movement toward the vocationalism of higher education, studies show that a degree in the liberal arts will pay more by the age of 40, the ability think critically will far outweigh the skills someone learns, and the questions of how are you going to get a job is not actual as English and foreign language majors are statistically more likely to be employed, less likely to be underemployed, than they natural science colleagues (43 and 41 compared to 51-47% for sciences and business) (Humanities Works). I am that liberal arts graduate with an undergraduate degree in History and Humanities and minors in German and Religion. When I graduated from Dana, I had a opportunity to go to law school, to seminary, or even to do graduate work in history. Certainly there was more that needed to happen, but I was not looking at being unemployed or underemployed. When I arrived at Bloomsburg for my in person interview, my late colleague Dr. Terry Riley asked me to come into his office and chat. One of the things I will always remember about his conversation was his specific note that in spite of being a professional writing person, which to this day most literature people under-appreciate or misunderstand, I had a liberal arts background. I believe to this day that was the deciding factor that moved me into my position.

During this last semester of teaching I have connected my areas of professional writing, rhetoric, and composition in a manner never before attempted. It has been revealing. Through scaffolding assignments, and working with a writing process, working to help my students develop their writing, the general lack of any sense of process, the struggle to write thoughtful and usable introductions, the overwhelmed feelings they have when I ask them to create a storyboard and integrate sources is both incredible and sad. And yet it is not something that can be laid at their feet in totality. As I have noted with some of them, we speak regularly about the importance of writing of communicating, but we do little to foster or develop it. Think about this: Students are required to earn 120 hours for their bachelors degree, and yet only 6 of them are considered writing specific or intensive or 5%. There is no consistent intentionality about writing, citation, or grammar from most of my colleagues. They look at content, and generally lament the rest, while blaming me that I did not fix them in my 14 week Foundations course. This is not hyperbole. I remember times at ad hoc lunches with colleagues from other departments, and their questioning what I taught in my classes. There is so much to offer here, but it would take a book. As I noted a recent blog, one of my Stout colleagues simply admitted he did not know how to manage the grammatical issues of a paper, and that was more than proofreading and editing. I do not think there is much different now, and perhaps it is even more difficult. Working with writing and deciding what to focus upon has long been up for discussion, debate, and often contentious. The likes of Peter Elbow, Andrea Lunsford, Linda Flower, Patricia Bizzell, or James Berlin all offer something about how we should teach in a classroom, and what I have found as both a process composition theorist, a rhetorician, and someone who believes in connecting culture to the rhetorical situation, grammar still matters. That is both a rhetorical move for me as well as my firm believe in the connection of thought to practice, and practice to genre expectation. I remember as a first year student at Dana being required to compose two essays on the fly for readers. We had three chances to pass two. It was required to move beyond freshman composition. When I offer that remembrance to my students they get the glazed look of “walking uphill to school both ways.” Writing is central to our humanity. It is one of those places we take what we think and attempt to quantify and qualify it. It is where we connect thought to communication. It has significance for identity, for our ability to think and reflect, for our ability to succeed in our world. Certainly technology has affected it, and AI will affect it. There is so much angst among my colleagues. I see students already using technology in a variety of ways that are attempts to circumvent the art of writing. When this is the intent, I too will reject it, but if it done by asking more thoughtful, careful, analytical questions to see what happens, I find the possibilities something worthwhile. Perhaps what I find myself doing is deconstructing the idea of writing. While I find some helpfulness in the idea of post-modernism from time to time, it seems I have more traditionalism in me. As such, I am not post-structuralist, and I am certainly not post-process. I am perhaps more process driven than ever before. I need to consider why that is. Some of it is comfortability; some of it is efficaciousness; but more often most of it is the response of students. They find a way to move forward in a meaningful manner. They approach writing with less trepidation, less disenchantment, and perhaps more importantly, they begin to believe they can write.

That is what education is. It is creating a sense of belief in one’s ability to think, to analyze, and to put that thought and analysis into practice, into communicative practices that help them navigate a rapidly changing world. As I move rapidly toward the end of my daily work in the academy, I am both disenchanted at moments and hopeful at others. As I consider the role of writing, of the importance of the humanities in our world, I know there will continue to be changes, but the basics remain. Critical thought and the ability to articulate that to compose about those thoughts will never lose their importance. Certainly technology will change its form. Certainly AI will offer new and yet unrealized possibilities. To Dr. Richard Jorgensen, my first composition professor (yes, he taught it the fall of 1979), to Dr. John Mark Nielsen and the late Dr. Donald Juel, both who pushed me to improve my writing through their honest critique, and to my mentors, Drs. Diana George, Marilyn Cooper, and Elizabeth Flynn, my composition theorists at MTU, thank you for all you taught me to succeed in the classroom. To all of my students who pushed me to improve my pedagogy, I am grateful. I feel like there is still so much to learn, but I will keep doing it on the other side too. I hope my verse, which has often been a sentence without rhyme, but with punctuation and signs, with thought and reason created a verse that is memorable.

Thanks as always for reading.

Dr. Martin

Tragic Brilliance

Hello from my morning office hours,

When I first arrived at the University of Wisconsin-Stout, I was excited by the opportunity to take what I learned about technology and writing, to use what I had experienced as a technical writer and trainer for both Chrysler Corporation and Gateway Computers, and to apply both theory and practice to the college classroom. I was not prepared for what a major in Technical Communication located in an English and Philosophy (wait, how are they together?) Department, which was primarily a service department, might create. Being a late Spring hire, and having only applied to for one tenure track position, I was simply feeling blessed that I had been given an opportunity to move beyond the graduate school life, even though I was ABD. Looking back, I really had little idea what the next couple years would do to the long-term trajectory of a middle-class, blue collar, Iowa kid who found himself back in his ancestral state of Wisconsin.

As I arrived in Menomonie, I was much more naive and idealistic than a 40-something should be, but nonetheless, I put my head down, and I taught with hard work all would be quite reasonable. I was sadly mistaken, but it was certainly a learning time for me. My chair was on sabbatical, but I remember him stopping by my office one day to check in. In his sort of heavy-sigh manner, which was both literal and figurative (in fact, he would verbalize ‘heavy sigh’), he noted shortly into our conversation, “You know people are not going to like you here.?” (and there is a period and a question mark intentionally because the statement cut both ways) – I stared at him somewhat aghast, and he continued, it is because you are part of the Technical Communication major in the department. Immediately, I was given a crash course on departmental politics, and soon it was clear that the three of us who were tasked with growing a program were not appreciated. The other two were not popular because the major got things at the expense of the rest, and the actions of the program director had alienated many of his departmental colleagues. Again looking back, the other, who served as a mentor to me and about whom I have written at other times, was caught in the middle of it all, and he did all he could to foster growth both with the students and with the university. He had been the department chair and as a driving force behind the development of the program, he was not going to be given much leeway.

Along with my arrival the fall of 2003, I had two other colleagues join the department at the same time. One was an American Literature scholar from “the” Ohio State University, and the second, who began her studies at Stout, two masters, and eventually a dual PhD from Emory University, were also first-year, tenure-track. They were both talented and brilliant individuals. Yet, both because of my role in the Technical Communication Program as well as some of my own struggles as an ABD with colleagues who had completed their degrees, we did not always manage a productive relationship. In fact, there were times I felt terrifically abandoned, on an island by myself. Fortunately, by the time I left Stout, the relationship with the more volatile of the two was remedied, mostly throughout a similarly shared experience within our department. Dr. Jean Marie Dauplaise, a Wisconsin native, and the one with the doctorate from Emory University, was beyond talented in so many areas. She was spirited and passionate and seldom at a loss for words. She could change the atmosphere of an entire room by her mere presence, and students in her classes seldom realized just how insightful she was. She could be simultaneously demanding and empathetic, stunningly funny and serious, and seldom would one forget an encounter with her. From most any kind of art to literature, from politics to film, Jean Marie knew something and had some level of expertise. Seldom have I met a person who could command such a breadth of responses from those who encountered her.

She was quick witted and sometimes acerbic (I remember her ability to use Drill Instructor language more frequently than me), but she also genuinely cared about many things, and she was fervent in her expressiveness about the people she loved. She had an inner beauty that could be lost or overlooked because of her physicality, which was also stunning; however, she wanted to be known for her intellectualism and certainly deserved such recognition. Then were there the times she did things that would belie that intellectual strength through her own actions. She was profoundly human. Yet, I remember one particular conversation with her when we chatted about a variety of topics as we sat in Zanzibar. That night was of importance because it created an appreciation for each other, which up to that time was missing. It was also a very night I would end up with yet another difficulty when I left Zanzibar because of my own health issues. And she would be the one to let my chair in on that encounter, much to my chagrin. To be honest, neither of us knew what to do with the other, and we were both too stubborn to step back. We managed that stubbornness with entirely different styles, but the consequence was the same. For too long we were tenaciously distant from the other for the first half of my time at Stout. Fortunately, that would change. As I left Stout, she would reach out that next year for advice.

The last time I saw Jean Marie in person, I drove to Superior to have dinner with her. We had chatted, and she asked if we could get together. As I was back in Wisconsin to work on things with Lydia, it was possible, so I made the two-hour drive, and we had a lovely dinner. We spoke earnestly and thoughtfully about what she was struggling with at that time, and we developed even more of a rapport. We apologized for the things we had done to make the other’s life less than stellar at times, and as importantly, we addressed the reality that we had both moved on from UW-Stout. Our lives had taken some profoundly different turns. That is the truth about life in general. Choices have consequences, and sometimes we do not always consider those consequences as carefully or thoughtfully as we might. Again, another of those learning lessons. And yet, we are the individuals we are or become for a reason (again, we seldom understand or fathom the complexity of it all).

As I look back at my last encounter with Jean Marie, even then, there was an insight and brilliance, and her ability to articulate things that were complex shown through. This time she exhibited a kind of vulnerability that did not often find the surface. I reflected on that visit as I drove back to Menomonie with both a sense of relief, but also a significant level of sadness. Since that time, our messages and conversations were not frequent, but they were always kind and appreciative. In many ways, I think Jean Marie was perhaps too brilliant for her own good . . . and I sometimes wondered if she were born too late or too early. There was a sort of 60s vibe to her, and I think she would have fit into the Haight-Ashbury scene quite well. Her societal attitudes and acumen would have been interesting to observe in that San Francisco neighborhood. And yet, she had this incredible oxymoronic combination of feminine mystique and a feminist activism that many who are questioning the behavior of male counterparts. And yet, one could never put Jean Marie into a simply defined space. She would have none of that. In fact, I think she rejoiced when people were unsure what to do with her.

And yet perhaps it is that same brilliance that can be one’s undoing. I believe Jean Marie saw things differently, and I wonder if that difference caused some of the isolation I know she felt from time to time. It was from this place she and I found a genuine appreciation for the other. I remember as we sat at dinner that night I worked to reinforce the goodness and ability I saw in her. I remember speaking to her about a particular film, one she had used in class, and one I have since used, Mona Lisa Smile. It was some of that conversation that I still use when I think about the film. And in some ways, there is little doubt that there was some of Jean Marie in Katherine Watson and vice versa. In both there was an independence, a free-spiritedness, and an intelligence that fought against the status quo. Too often, those who are brilliant are misinterpreted by those around them, but additionally, there is a struggle to manage the brilliance in a manner that makes sense to others, that fits within the system or the expectation of the larger. I know there have been moments where I believed that standing upon principle would create a positive outcome. Part of the reason I am in Pennsylvania was that misguided notion. It was one of the numerous things that I needed to learn to get to where I am now.

As I opened Facebook or as I looked at my messages earlier this week (it is a couple days later), I found an obituary for Jean Marie. It was a shock to find that my former colleague had finished her journey, and then it is not as much a shock as perhaps I wish it could be. And yet it is another reminder that life is not about fairness; it is not about predictability. Life simply is. It is a gift that often fails to feel all that much like any gift at all. That is what I believe in this moment. Too often it is the timing of something that affects how we understand the other, how we respond to the other, how we encounter the other. As I wrote in another blog almost 10 years ago, when I wonder what I feel, and I know that I do feel, the loss of such a wonderfully talented, intelligent, and deeply giving woman is a profound loss, not only to her family, her nephews, and those who were now some part of Jean Marie’s life now, but for those of us who were gifted to encounter her in times earlier in our lives. The memories of her, and there are many: from a first afternoon gathering of the three of us who began our tenure track careers that fall of 2003, from her asking that I buy something for her the summer I went to Sturgis, from her shaking my hand and addressing me as Dr. Martin when I had defended my dissertation to her once telling me that she would have kicked my ass if I had spoken to our acting chair when I had a disagreement with her (and I had not). The memories of her are more than I have fingers (and perhaps toes). I am sorry there are no longer options to reach out to you. Jean Marie, I hope you know how much so many admired you and the amazing talent you were. I hope you have peace and you will be missed.

Thank you as always for reading.

Dr. Martin

Beyond March Madness

Hello from the corner of my living room,

The calendar says Spring; it says it is time for our annual focus on college basketball, even for those who are not sports junkies. And for those with a connection to Iowa, as I both grew up there and attended the University of Iowa for part of my undergraduate degree, the phenomenon that is Iowa Women’s Basketball, even beyond the generational talent of #22, will provide an exciting week or two. However, back to my first sentence, it does not feel spring-like at all. Between snow flurries, nights in the 20s, and winds that seem to permeate even my warmest winter coat, there is an environmental madness that is not all that unusual for North Central Pennsylvania.

Things for the academic year are zooming along, both literally (not something I could once say) and figuratively, and the reality of 6 weeks left is going to register for most very soon. I need to get a couple of very productive days in this week to keep the remainder of the semester manageable. Some of that is dependent on others, and that can complicate matters, but this is where I need to remember what I have control of and what I don’t. There will be group and individual meets this week if the remainder of the semester is to be successful (and I do believe student success is necessary if I am to feel successful). Even then I only have so much I can do. I’ve been reminded of that again in a couple specific cases this semester.

Pushing (while attempting to support) students to reach or stretch beyond what they normally do is the epitome of the double-edged sword. First, because each instance is unique. This is both because of the student, but also because of what is going on in their semester. This semester, both because of the asynchronous online aspect as well as the teach-out requirements, I have, for all practical purposes 14 independent studies, which involve about 35 students. There are 6 groups in a 300 level course and 8 (which are a combination of groups and individuals) in a 400 level course. It is both exciting to see what they do as well as daunting to manage (and not micro-manage) all of it. The next 10 days will be significant, and I need to do some serious work today to support them.

Returning to the uncooperative weather aspect of my initial comments, my furnace, which has been problematic more than once before, is no more cooperative than the weather. However, fortunately people have been kind and attentive in trying to manage it. Today it is 60 and while the sun was out earlier, it is overcast now. I did get some things, which have been on the to-do this for some time, accomplished today, and I have to say I was surprised when Apple actually did some work on my 6 year-old MacBook Pro gratis. Yay!!

One of the things I struggle to understand is how differently the world seems to be daily, the profound and unexpected changes compared to what I remember when I was the age of my current students. It is really not that different, but rather we are simply more instantaneously notified or aware? It is that people, and not just here in the States but globally, are honestly less tolerant of the other? It is that I simply see things from a very different perspective because of age, travel, or my own changing views? Whatever the case, there seems to be a great deal more unexpected, unpredictable, and even unavoidable. However, this madness is not limited to just the month of March. Even in the past three weeks since I began to consider this blog, I am continually astounded by what has become commonplace in terms of dialogue (or lack thereof), in terms of appropriateness (again, or lack thereof) in terms of the give-and-take between individuals from our national conversations from the halls of Congress to the halls of my own building here on campus, and then even in the courtrooms of our country. And I do see a link between what happens on social media, while not being against its usage, and how we seem to believe what we can say there without repercussion has now permeated all aspects of our communal interaction. Professors John Jones and Michael Trice, of the Ohio State University, note that while social media provided a “voice to the voiceless,” it has increasingly become a platform for “disruptive voices, messages, or ideologies” (Social Media Effects: 27Feb2020). Certainly, the need for those who have another voice need to be heard, and that is part of our first amendment protections, but what are the limits, and how is such a limit decided? But certainly without a thoughtful, reasonable dialog, there is a consequence for democracy, and I believe that is clearly evident in what is happening in our country (and beyond).

As a further consequence, I believe we have developed a suspicion that affects all generations, but the support of that suspicion varies by age group. While I am perhaps more idealistic than I should be, I believe that the initial intention of most social media is to develop networks of increased communication, of creating meaningful connections between families, colleagues, or other social groups, when platforms are hijacked for more nefarious purposes, the intention of creating connections across groups, generations, ethnicities, or geographies is lost. The focus changes and the platform becomes villainized. I believe what has happened to X, formerly Twitter, is a strong example of this. I find it hard to believe that Elon Musk can still believe his takeover of Twitter has helped him. Certainly, when you see the volume of information that is shared through social media platforms, there is little doubt there is a democratizing effective, but there is also no avoiding the lack of civility that seems to envelop daily discourse from every corner. The ability of Mr. Musk to decide who can stay or be removed from his platform demonstrates the incredible power that one person has on public discourse, and that should raise incredible concern.

In some of my recent reading, which is looking both at the consequence of social media on public discourse as well as considering what AI might contribute to this rapidly changing world, I came across the term “slacktivism.” What is it? It is an ability to believe you are making a difference with little honest social interaction or intent to interact. This concept is not surprising to me, as I have considered with some alarm the lack of critical thought or analysis I encounter on a daily basis. I have referred to it as “sound-byte” intellectualism. Much of what I read or hear too often is someone arguing something with little or no support for their contention. Because they heard it somewhere, because they read a headline somewhere, they believe it with no thought or analysis, and then it is shared post-haste. Again, the consequence is not always immediately apparent, but the siloing of opposing positions or opinions only becomes more profound.

I do not feel badly for the Zuckerbergs, the Musks, the Spiegels, or the Chews (and if you do not know a couple of the names, you should) because they use their users for their own profit. Let’s be honest about that. When Facebook was created, it was marketed as a social network, but it was not long afterwards that the term network was changed to utility. While many perhaps did not see that change, I remember speaking about it to my students. What this change in terminology was did was telegraph to the user, generally unbeknownst to most was in the way Facebook both believed their mission and marketing had evolved. Think about it. Utilities (remember Waterworks and Electric Company cards in Monopoly?) are something you need to manage your life. Without utilities, we would not have life as we know it. To claim the title of utility, you are positing that you are something people cannot do without. There is a certain madness in that claim, except we allowed it to happen. We bought into it to the tune of making Zuckerberg worth 171 Billion dollars as of March 2024 (Forbes). Meta as a company is worth 1.24 Trillion dollars as of the same time (Forbes). Now there is both an incredible example of creating wealth, and a complete madness of our complete buy-in to what social media does. When I ask my students where they get their news, almost without exception, it is from social media platforms.

Certainly the ability of apps and our phones to give us instant access to anything anywhere has its perks, but also its consequence. How critically do we read? How carefully do we reflect on not only what we read, but from where it comes? Much like what is happening with our turn to AI, a mentor of mine, with whom I am still fortunate to be in touch, and I have had discussions about the importance of AI. She notes that our use of Artificial Intelligence is only as strong as how critical our questions posed are. And she is correct. We need to learn how to use it, and if we are to harness the democratic ideals of social platforms we need to learn how to use them appropriately. Certainly, Congress has had tough questions for the CEOs, but too often their questions come from their own political bias versus what might be done to make sure the companies do the responsible thing. When I consider the power of media, that is nothing new. Certainly as early as the French Revolution, when the term the Fourth Estate became commonplace, there was recognition of the power. The principles of “liberty”, “equality” and “fraternity” which were written into the constitution in the 20th century were first used in the 17th century. One might argue that these terms were intended with the rise of social media. but perhaps much like the French did in their revolution, we have lost our way. As I finish my last weeks as a person in the classroom on a regular basis, I find myself reflecting on where we are headed. I am concerned about the sort of madness present in every direction. Certainly, we have access to more information that ever before, and I think AI will only create a more seismic explosion of that, but at what cost? As I tell my students, I am not against AI, and I believe it has incredible possibilities and provides outstanding opportunities for good. However, it what we have done with social media is any indication of where we are going, I am concerned. Our government is seldom ahead of the curve on anything, and therefore reactionary. The average person spends little time considering the consequences of what our technology does, we jump on the latest bandwagon, clicking on our acceptance of the terms without even a thought about what we have accepted. On one level, it is simply us doing what we have always done, on the other hand, perhaps we are all mad. I remember the first time I saw this video, I was astounded. I called it Little Red Riding Hood meets Care Bears. Now there is madness.

Thanks as always for reading.

Dr. Martin

Unexpected Gift – Unexpected Time

Hello from my office in Bakeless,

As I said to a couple of people today, it has been a long week today, or perhaps a long month this week (and it is only Tuesday). I know there was a full-moon, a snow moon, over the weekend, but it seems that its shadow is messing with people even yet. You might wonder if I believe in the full-moon affecting people: well, I do. I learned that the summer I worked as a chaplain at St. Luke’s Medical Center in Sioux City, the summer of 1984. Some of the craziest events at the hospital occurred during those lunar moments. And certainly, the moon has been gorgeous the last couple nights as I have been out in the darkness. I remember when I lived in Houghton once walking in the winter snow under a cloudless night with the full-moon beaming down. I think the light was so brilliant it was like looking out at mid-day, and the beauty and glistening on the undisturbed snow was beyond anything imaginable to me. As I remember, I simply sat on a log of a fallen tree, looking out in amazement at all I saw. There was a gentle wind that you could hear in the pines, but as usual, the waters of Lake Superior moderated the temperature. So, while chilly, it was a manageable cold in the midst of winter. What an unexpected gift, what a needed gift at the moment.

I had come back to Houghton after being away for a couple of years. I have moved to Oakland County downstate to attempt to repair a marriage; I had given up a full-fellowship for my doctoral degree, not wanting to fail a second time at being married, but that still happened, and I found myself working for Gateway Computers at a Country Store in San Antonio, Texas. Through some conversations, and the willingness of a Graduate Studies director and another professor, within a 96 hour period, I left a job, packed a car, drove 1,600 miles, and re-enrolled back into the Rhetoric and Technical Communication program at Michigan Technological University. A phone conversation on a Thursday had me back in Houghton on late Sunday afternoon: another unexpected gift at an unexpected time. To this day, there is not enough gratitude I could ever express to Drs. Victoria Bergvall and Dale Sullivan for supporting my return to my studies. Within a couple days, I would find a small furnished cabin to sublet on the Portage, return to wait tables at a newly opening restaurant, and be back in my studies. That fall would create even more possibilities, ones I am still realizing 23 years later.

That fall would give me a different perspective on what I was doing as a doctoral student moving me from a more composition-focused assistantship to one which was more focused on technical writing. That all would re-introduce me to people who had helped me before, but to a completely different group of people also, reminding me of how much I really did love learning and working with food and beverage. And that work was to the consternation of my comprehensive exam chair who once questioned if my degree was in Rhetoric and Technical Communication or Restaurant Management. It was a difficult day, but it was an important one. I learned much more about the academy after I returned. I was able to focus my energies in ways that had not occurred my first foray into my doctoral work. It was during that first winter that the sitting in the brilliance of the full-moon occurred. Often, I have been asked, what is the most beautiful place I have been? – and more often than not, I think the Keweenaw Peninsula might still be that place. When I first came to Hancock late summer of 1992, that was not what I thought. I found it quaint perhaps, and I did find the Portage and Lake Superior quite beautiful, but I had little understanding of how pristine, how rustic, and how both formidable and inviting the U.P. could be. I remember my first drive to Copper Harbor in the snow, in my 1987 Toyota 4-Runner. That was a good vehicle to have. When I looked out from the shore of the Harbor Haus at Superior, the winter ice, the snow, and the sun were postcard perfect. Where had I come? It was again almost a decade later I would return, and in those next few years, I experienced the beauty of being in the Keweenaw in ways I could not imagine. Boat rides in the Portage and beyond the Walls out into the big lake, sailing into the evening and back down the Portage, sitting around a fire or waiting tables in Eagle River, the beauty of this home to many of the Finnish people in the country was (and is) something to behold.

There were so many unexpected moments there, but what perhaps amazes me to this day is how this somewhat minimally inhabited, somewhat out-of-bounds or verboten wilderness of the second part of Michigan can call one back again and again. This time last year, I drove with my colleague, and friend’s son, to help him check out Michigan Tech. We stayed at the Air BnB of a friend, who also lives on the Portage, and Max was convinced this is where he wanted to pursue his college degree. He has told me more than once how happy he is he made that choice. And I am happy for him, but it does not hurt me that I have yet another reason to return to that northern Paradise – another unexpected gift that occurred almost 30 years after I first went there. While MTU itself is the deciding factor, being able to show him around, drive him to experience things he might not have, and to introduce him to people I still have relationships with, did not hurt his decision-making process. As he has finished a first semester, begun a second, and obtained an internship, we are both realizing that my introduction to his parents 20 years ago had a consequence that would continue to bring unexpected possibilities. There is a thread to our lives that we often overlook or fail to cultivate. One of the things I am often told is that I maintain connections. I have written about this in other posts, but there is a reason I do so. It has to do with my own sense of place and belonging. What gives me a sense of place is not as much about a location, but understanding the thread, the connection, the significance of what that relationship has been. Too often we move beyond with little sense of reflection, losing out on the possibility of what we might be able to accomplish.

As I move into my last weeks of working full-time in the manner that has occupied half my life, I am not always sure where things are headed. There are moments that can be frightening. There are moments that can see like everything is a blank slate, with limitless possibilities, opportunities, or chances. And yet is the idea of chances that are sometimes most unexpected. When I consider the path of my life, most of it has been unexpected, and yet, as I have noted before, I am not sure I had expectations. My early life taught be to question everything, to believe little or nothing, and to hold on to everything I possibly could. Being told I did not belong; being told I had little value; and being told there was little chance I would amount to much did not bode well for a future. However, do not feel badly for me . . . it taught me resilience and pushed me to believe there was always a path forward. As I move toward the next step of my life, there are still more options, more unexpected gifts. Tomorrow I will meet a person who has found their way in and out of my life for over two decades. Through periodic interaction since I left Houghton some twenty years ago, the connection between two people has maintained. And yet, seldom did we know what to think of that connection. Time, events, and other circumstances often dictate what is possible. I think about that with the person I refer to as my sandbox buddy. When I traveled on a Lutheran Youth Encounter Team for a year, my first host family, with whom I still communicate, began elder siblings to me. Judy, who has always watched out for me in some manner, once told me, “Timing might be as important as anything when it comes to a relationship.” It seems her words ring true even now 45 years later.

One of my favorite movies, both in terms of what it says as well as it has Sean Connery as a principle actor is the coming-of-age movie titled, Finding Forrester. It is probably 25 years old, but it is a movie about a young black student, who is a brilliant student as well as a good athlete (basketball player). He is stereotyped by one of his preparatory professors and accused of plagiarism, so certainly the writing aspect of the movie does not go unnoticed. This particular title comes from that movie, but that is all that is I will say. You might want to watch the movie. It is a movie I often used in my summer ACT 101 classes because so many students doubted their adequacy for being in college. The imposter syndrome was alive and well. So much of our lives are unexpected, and I do not believe that will change in our crazy unpredictable world. And yet that which is unexpected is no reason to fear what might happen. This little Riversider, adopted child, smaller-than-most, struggling-to-understand adolescent never imagined he would enlist in the Marine Corps; he never anticipated going to college, let alone getting a doctoral degree. He could not have imagined himself as a parish pastor, as someone who has been blessed to travel the world. He never imagined becoming a foodie, an oenophile, and quite honestly, he had little idea of much of anything. I am not sure if that made me different than my friends or classmates when I grew up. What I know now is life has been a blessing. Experiences, both planned and unplanned have provided incredible opportunities to grow and meet others. Some of the most unexpected gifts and the most unexpected time have made me who I am. To all who have been there to support and gift me, there will never be enough thank yous. The clip below is from the movie aforementioned and shows more significantly than perhaps any part of the movie how the unexpected gift of friendship touched even a curmudgeonly old man. The idea of integrity, the reality of stereotyping, and the ability to find the unexpected are all reasons I find hope. I see this in my students sometimes when they do not see it in themselves. I push because I want them to achieve, and I believe they can. Often, it is not understood; more often it is not necessarily appreciated, but I believe in the resiliency of the individual because I know it. I know how it helped me achieve the unexpected, and yes, what a gift!

Thank you as always for reading.

Dr. Martin

Imagining Possibilities

Hello from Iowa and a family ceremony,

Family is such an incredible reality and yet simultaneously a concept. Family has always been something I have pondered because my family, and my relationship with those individuals has never been what is considered typical. The reasons for that are varied and complex, but trying to understand where it all fits has been something I have attempted for most of my life. This past week as I did some searching in Ancestry, I found a picture of my biological mother shortly before I was born. It is the first time I have every found or saw a picture of her before she became a mother. I first met by mother as an adult when I was 23 years old. I met her again when I was 45, and that was the only two times I remember seeing her in person. I was never kept of knowing the reality of my adoption or that my sister and I had lived with grandparents the majority of my pre-school life.

While I know a number of facts about my early childhood, there is no real clear picture about how all that happened could have transpired as it did. Part of that struggle was my Grandmother did not tell us much, my adopted parents did as much as they could to make biological parents a non-issue, and when I was old enough to ask, the stories I heard were not really consistent. The most significant element of my childhood that is unclear to me is that I have a second full-sister for whom I know nothing more than a name. The story about this sister, who was the third and final of the union of my biological parents, was supposedly given away by my mother to someone in the Air Force. The reality for my mother was difficult. She became a mother at 15, and by the time she was 18, she had three children and a spouse who was in prison. That is an stunning thing to comprehend even for me, I cannot imagine what she was feeling. Perhaps some of that is because I am ready to retire, and I have never helped create a child. Perhaps it is even more stunning because of this newly discovered picture of my mother, realizing she was 15 and would birth me within three months of that marriage date. As shocking (though understandable), the similarity between my mother and Kris, the sister with whom I grew up is palpable. By the time I had met her, even in my early twenties, she was only 38-39, but she looked significantly more aged than that. Having six children, smoking to much, and drinking more than was healthy will do that to a person. She was a person who was small statured (barely over five feet tall and slender), but I doubt she was any kind of wallflower. I think she had learned to be hard, to be tough, out of necessity. When I was in San Antonio decades later, I had the occasion to be around her again, and again, she had aged significantly. My half-sister called her, asking if she would like to go to dinner with the two of us, and she responded, “No.” And as I remember that was not because of a scheduling conflict, but rather because she did not want to do so.

To be gracious, I imagine the thought of going to dinner with her first born, whom she had only met one other time, and I had asked some difficult questions, might have caused her some discomfort, but at the time, I only saw it as rejection. And even in my early forties, that was hurtful. We would eventually spend some time together, and that included a weekend where Vivian and I traveled to Brownsville/Harlingen to meet the mother’s side of the family, a maternal grandmother I had never met when I would have remembered. There were cousins, a half-brother and his family, and others. It was enjoyable to listen to the stories and see where many in my family called home. My mother’s second family of sorts all lived in the Valley as they called it, attending San Benito High School and frequenting South Padre Island, a place I only knew because of it being a Spring Break destination. I would met my mother again during that 5-6 months in Texas because my half-brother lived in Corpus Christi, where I was born, and with his own children, my mother had grandchildren there. It was evident that she loved her grandchildren, but I think she struggled with all that had happened to her as a teenager. As a mother at 15, even though it was the 1950s, that was awfully early to be a mother.

Perhaps some of my unawareness is because I have never been a parent to someone I helped create, someone I watched being birthed and realizing I had responsibility for that life. I am reminded of my life-long best friend’s (who has passed) statement when I asked him what it was like to watch his wife give birth. He said, “I am not sure I can put her through that again.” I try to imagine what my mother must have thought when she saw a baby who was quite premature, weighing only 17 ounces. And then being pregnant again within 4-5 months. That is a lot for a young girl to handle. While I was not around the three siblings my mother would have in a second marriage, I have met two of the three. They are hard working, but have a significantly different outlook on life than I do. I am not sure that any of them graduated from high school. They might have earned GEDs, and my half-brother has done quite well, but started his life early working as a rough-necker on oil rigs. That is not an easy life. The youngest of the three (I think) has worked jobs that paid too little and had no security. I do not even know if my mother got a GED, so their perception of education and mine were (and are) quite different. And yet, I am a first generation college student, and I did not expect to be where I am. What is important for me is not what they have or have not accomplished, but that I do have some connection to my roots.

My biological father’s side of the family, I do know more about because they were the grandparents who took my sister and me and cared for us after my mother and father left us with them and headed back to Texas. What I know is my mother was pregnant again, and my father would be imprisoned in Huntsville. My research into my father and his offspring is an eye-opening thing. Over the years, and there are numerous times, i have lamented some of the issues with my adoptive mother in particular. However, when I step back and look at the larger picture of my non-traditional upbringing, I am keenly aware how fortunate I was, and am. I also met my father in my early 20s, after my sister called telling me she had located him, ironically in our hometown. He was remarried and had three additional children (another one, named Michael, which is another story.). He was bilingual and, from what I can tell, incredibly intelligent, but he had his demons. It seems that too often he used his exceptional talent for things less than possible. The consequence was often less than ideal. Doing some intentional background investigation revealed a lot of difficulties. This shows up in a number of ways from stability in where he lived to relationships, from managing finances to managing his life in general. What it seems, and this is based on what little time I spent with him (over the course of a few months in the mid- to late-1970s, is he was capable, charismatic, and intelligent.

What I have realized as I ponder the possibilities is the phrase nature or nurture is a real thing. When I look at a picture of my sister, Kris, and the recently discovered 15 year old picture of our mother, it leaves little doubt of our biological relationship. I have not seen other earlier pictures of my mother and father, but I do have a half-brother who has similar stature, similar hair and beard structure, so I would have to assume there are some maternal traits in there somewhere. And then, unbeknownst to me until after his death, I found my father had also been in the Marine Corps. When I examine the recesses of my mind, I think I might have heard something about him, but, again, I somehow heard he was dishonorably discharged or something, but that cannot be true because he is buried in Fort Snelling. I also have heard, but have not found the specific proof that he attended college as an inmate. Rumor has it he majored in English and Spanish. If this is true, there is something in our mutual DNA that creates a propensity for the appreciation of language. I have said many times, if I could do it all over, I think I would study linguistics.

So . . . life is a continuous series of possibilities, some of which we realize, but too many times we do not. Last night I was speaking with someone and we were talking about choices, consequences, and all the things that affect what we do and who we understand ourselves to be. And yet, as I investigate my past, both biologically and adoptively, I see how so many things that occurred, sometimes without my knowledge, affected who I am and the person I have become. I do not offer that insight in some deterministic manner. Certainly, I have agency for my life. Most assuredly, I have made choices that also had consequence, but it is really surprising as I consider my own history how it all seems to have a connecting thread. Sometimes, it seems it is all a dream, dreams in the mist, and yet, it is my reality. It is my life. Sometimes, I realize there is so much that occurs in a sort of deterministic way. My Intro to Philosophy professor is smiling to see me write such a thing. One of my favorite songs about dreams, and one of the few songs where Nancy Wilson was the principle vocalist in all the amazing songs by Heart.

Thanks as always for reading.

Dr. Martin

Might True Religion be Religionless?

Hello from my office upstairs at the Mini-Acre,

It seems like a normal February’s winter day for the first time in a year or more. A bit more than a dusting, but not a full-blown blizzard like many other places, made for some slow getting around this morning, but breakfast in Rohrsburg with two of the morning group was quite delightful. As I have noted the brutal weather that has assaulted much of the country (feet of snow and wind chills that will cause frostbite in minutes, whiteouts and disrupted travel from coast to coast), we have officially entered, yet again, the seemingly endless political process which focuses on Washington and how caucuses and primaries lead us into the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. While this election continues to shape up unlike any other in our 200+ years as a country, I find myself returning to the person who was the focus of my dissertation, the German Lutheran pastor, integrally involved in the plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. It was just over 90 years ago he would be arrested for other reasons than the plot, but his involvement would eventually be discovered, and he was hanged.

What makes me consider Bonhoeffer anew comes by way of conversations with a former mentor, and a growing reality that his understanding of religion, of the church, and yes, of politics, seems as relevant in our current world (and perhaps more so) than it was from 1933 when Hitler became chancellor to when Bonhoeffer would write his Christmas letter that became titled “After Ten Years,” shortly before his arrest. In the light of the Barmen Declaration, written in 1934, and adopted by those who refused to take an oath of complete allegiance to Hitler, those Evangelicals still never officially denounced the brutality of the SS or the Nazis, they never voiced an unfettered support of civil liberties for the Jewish people, nor did they denounce “the Reich’s intent to create a world without the Jew” (Marsh, 2023). Bonhoeffer’s disillusionment with such inaction would compel him to write,

We have been silent witnesses of evil deeds – we have become cunning and learned the arts of obfuscation and equivocation. Experience has rendered us mistrustful of [others], and we have failed to speak to them a true and open word. Unbearable conflicts have wore us down or even made us cynical. Are we of any use?

Bonhoeffer – December 1942

In the midst of many of those my seminary professors referred to as giants of Christian theology in the mid-20th century, Bonhoeffer seemed to have a singular calling that pushed him to see the role of the Christian, and subsequently the actions of that believer, in a profoundly different manner. As the Christian Church (from Rome to Washington) turned its head to the evils of Nazi Germany, as the majority of the Evangelical Church in Germany, with a Hitler-appointed bishop, included oaths of loyalty,as demanded by Berlin, Bonhoeffer increasingly perceived the church to be morally bankrupt and as such impotent in facing the evils his homeland was consumed in. I am inclined to see a connection between the Bonhoeffer who did not grow up in the church (and as such shocked his family in his decision to study theology). I find deep and lasting connection between Bonhoeffer’s experiences in Harlem, his questions posed to his seminary professors at Union Theological Seminary, and the rituals that were (and are) such integral to our understanding of faith. His appreciation for a social gospel, a faith that went beyond doctrine, and his willingness to strip away the entrapments of the liturgy or the clergy pushed Bonhoeffer to ask what is Christianity?

As our world struggles to still understand the Jewish question (post-October 7th), as church attendance in the country is perhaps at an all-time low (in 2022, 56% of Americans say they seldom or never attend services – Statistica 16Jan2024) or during the last half-century in our country conservative Christianity has been defined by terms like the moral majority, family values, the 700 Club, or the Religious Right, and now Christian Nationalism, certainly the connection between politics and faith cannot be ignored. There is little doubt that Bonhoeffer would question the relevancy of our current theological practice, asking does it really do something that makes a difference in our world, but in a way that lifts up the other. The foundational tenets of Jesus included social ministry, questioning the powers of the day. And yet the actions of Jesus illustrate a person who regularly found time for a reclusivity to recharge. This would be followed by his reengagement, often with a prophetic response to the world he experienced daily.

If we consider carefully the intent of Jesus, was it to create Christianity? Think about that for a moment. Is it possible to call ourselves ‘Christian’ in America today when it is so integrally connected to a particular politic? It is possible that we use God (or Christ for that matter) using our own pathetic Biblical interpretation that is little more than proof-texting to justify our inhumanity? I am not sure Jesus hoped to become a religion. What does it even mean to be religious in our multifaceted, duplicitous world, where so many will claim they are spiritual, but not religious? Much like some have co-opted the flag under the guise of patriotism, too many claim some moral high ground as they hold up the Bible for all to see. Bonhoeffer saw what happened when elements of the church chose allegiance to a person or the state above all else. It was that very reality that compelled this somewhat pacifist person who believed in community to join those willing to risk all to stop the Nazi pogrom. It was after being integrally involved in the very basics of the plot, and before he was imprisoned that he would ask the poignant question, “Are we of any use?” And it was after he sat day in and week in, and eventually year in and out that he would continue to question the role of the church and if it had failed in its calling. In spite of Bonhoeffer’s privileged position, he seldom used it for his self-aggrandizement. He often used his position to serve others, to provide possibilities for his students, for travel to get the message about the reality of the Nazis out, or to assist others to escape the coming hope of the Nazi regime. Bonhoeffer (as well as members of his family) used their connections to work diligently against Hitler’s vision. Again, it should not go unmentioned that this concept of religionless Christianity came from a prison cell. There are many incarcerated people who feel God is very far away, who have struggled to see any sense of the church from behind bars (and I am aware that some “find Jesus” there also). Bonhoeffer believed that a fundamental part of our humanity was in “being there for others.” Peter Hooton, who has done extensive work on this Bonhoefferian concept writes, “a genuine existentialism (a thoroughly worldly life of constant decision, risk, responsibility, and uncertainty) is held in dialectical tension with a genu­ine Other (a real outside) . . .” (italics in the original). For Bonhoeffer, the other was found in the salivic actions of Jesus, but the consequence was in the living for the other in the here and now. The freedom granted in the actions of death on the cross and resurrection was to live unabashedly for the other. I am not sure that falls into the realm of altruism, but perhaps it moves us toward that. Perhaps it is fair to ask the question that William Tremmel once titled a book, Religion: What is it? It was the text used by Dr, John W. Nielsen in my Introduction to Religion class when I was a freshman at Dana College. Tremmel asked the important question, why are we religious? And his answer was also quite straight forward. Because we need to cope with our finitude. We want to believe death is more than an eternal dirt nap. I remember the first time I said that to someone and the shocked look on their face.

In our overwhelmingly secular society, where does religion fit? Bonhoeffer saw that with the consequence of the Nazis and what happened to the church under the power of the Third Reich. As I write this a few weeks after I began, Alexei Navalny has died in the last few days, and those who are even demonstrating in support of him are being imprisoned in Russia. His wife, Yulia Navalnaya, spoke only hours after receiving the news of her husband’s death at the Munich Security Conference. If one things about Bonhoeffer’s call for this religionless Christianity, what is certainly apparent is that totalitarianism is not compatible with caring about the other. The willingness to be subject to the other does not take away the government, however, but it does elevate the importance of the needs of the other. Without some structure there is chaos and anarchy, but Bonhoeffer foresaw that possibility. He was living its reality from Tegel and eventually Buchenwald and a hangman’s noose in Flossenburg. And yet Bonhoeffer’s Christology is in tact. That is for a different time, but what is important is Bonhoeffer’s Christianity is about the way one lives for the other. It meant it was necessary – it is necessary – to take seriously the suffering that exists in the world and to do what one can to ease it. As I listened today to those who mourn the death of Navalny, I believe he, like Bonhoeffer, believed in an limitless obligation to speak out against the corruption and injustices he saw in the government, and he was willing to lose his life for it. Navalny returned to Russia after being poisoned, and called it the best day of his life. Bonhoeffer returned to Germany in 1939 noting he could not be there to pick up the pieces of a country if he did not suffer with them.

What would it take to be Christ-like and not need to be called Christian? Is it possible? Certainly, my Lutheran theology would struggle with such a question. And yet might it be what we need in our secularized world? I have sat on my Bonhoeffer work for a while, but it seems it is time to resurrect it. Thank you to my mentor and friend, Dr. Patricia Sotirin, for pushing me to consider this. Thank you to Dr. Dale Sullivan for pushing me to return to Bonhoeffer when I had the opportunity almost a quarter century ago. Thank you to Dr. John W. Nielsen for introducing me to Bonhoeffer in his Christian Thought class through the book, Letters and Papers from Prison. If we merely followed Christ’s example of caring for the other and worked it in thought, word, and deed, what might we achieve? What might our world become? I will keep pondering.

Thank you for reading my ruminations as always.

Dr. Martin

Living Graciously

Hello from my office on an early Friday afternoon,

Mother

I have been answering emails, grading, managing course content, meeting with students, trying to help student even find their way around a building, and the list could go on. Sometimes, I am a bit stunned by the questions and responses; sometimes, I try to remember what I was like in my late teens, but it was a different time and I was already in the Marine Corps; sometimes, I try to figure out what is the best way to assist them when it seems the world seems completely transformed from the world I remember at that time. And yet is it different? Were we different? Did I seem to struggle with daily expectations as much as I sometimes think my students do? If I am to be honest in my response, perhaps I have a misguided understanding of the world in which I grew up. It is possible that I see myself differently than the person I was? Maybe I have turned into the curmudgeonly Norman Thayer, the retired professor so brilliantly acted by Henry Fonda, in the movie, On Golden Pond.What I do believe is the great majority of my students are good people. Some of a bit underprepared for the expectations that becoming a scholar means, and I am idealistic enough to believe that the feminist poet, Adrienne Rich was correct in her assessment of what happens when someone chooses to join a scholarly community (e.g. go to college). As I speak with my colleagues, and not just on my campus, but former colleagues now located in WI, MI, UT, or MO to name a couple places, I hear similar stories. What have we created in our academy? What are the expectations of our students, our parents, our administrators, or legislators, those businesses will hire our students? What I am quite sure of at this point is those expectations do not match up. The reasons for that are legion, and the consequences are multiplicitous. That is at the forefront of my thought as my day has continued, but there is something I would rather focus on.

Last night, as a loyal Iowa Hawkeye fan, I watch the majority of the Iowa/Michigan Women’s Basketball game (I missed the last part because I was working with a student group on Facetime). It was the first game I actually watched, the great majority I have listened to on the radio. It was (as I am sure most know) a momentous game where Caitlin Clark, the basketball phenom who is barely 22 years old, broke the NCAA Women’s scoring record of Kelsey Plum and then went on to beat her own record and the Iowa single game scoring record of Megan Gustafson and the Carver-Hawkeye Area record that occurred only a week ago by Hannah Stuelke. It seems there is little she will not accomplish before the end of this current year. And yet, in spite of some swag at times, she seems incredibly gracious. Her love for her family, her coach, and her teammates is undeniable. Watching her meet and hug her parents and brothers, watching her wipe away tears as the video played following the game, which began with her family speaking to her, I found I had a lump in my own throat. Beyond the logo-3s, the incredible vision on the court, and her ability to dish off to everyone on the court, what has amazed me most is her willingness to credit those around her. And at 22 to have such a presence in the midst of such scrutiny. That is graciousness. Graciousness is something that is not taught it is something that comes from the depths of a person’s being.

I do believe it can be developed, but it needs to be there from the outset. It is one of those things I believe has served me more than any other aspect of my being. Somewhere in my DNA I was blessed to have a somewhat innate kindness, a graciousness that makes me fundamentally grateful for what I have, for what I’ve been given, or for what I have. I do believe there were those who helped me develop those things (a incredibly loving grandmother, a profoundly wise father, a loving and steady great-aunt, the elder sister of my grandmother, and surrogate parents who were there for me when I struggled). What does it mean to be gracious? For me, it means choosing kindness over harshness, but it also means being truthful when it is not easy to do so. I am reminded of my Old Testament professor, Frederick Gaiser, who received his Doctoral degree at the University of Heidelberg. He noted one day in class, “Honesty without love is brutality.” I remember writing that down immediately, and it has never left me. He would also begin each morning with a prayer, one of the prayers in the Lutheran Book of Worship at the time. He had a kindness and yet a rigor, a graciousness and yet a gentle sternness that ran parallel to each other. Being around gracious people begets graciousness; being kind for not other reason than being kind begets kindness. Kindness for the sake of being kind puts one in control of their surroundings and provides a basis for optimism, even in the face of difficulty.

One of the things living with a disease that has no cure has taught me is that every day is a gift, something that is never promised, something that offers possibilities undeserved. As I find myself looking back over the decades, it is now easy for me to see those times where I was blessed unexpectedly, where I was gifted without doing anything to warrant such a benefit, where I was fortunate to be in a circumstance that occurred without any doing of my own. The only thing I can see looking back is I was showered with a goodness for which I can only be grateful. One of the things I realize more and more is from the moment I was born (as an incredibly premature baby to a extremely young mother) is somehow I was given a chance. The picture above is of that mother. She is 15 in this picture and it was months before I was born. I found this picture doing some research only a couple of weeks ago. It is the first time I ever saw a picture of my mother as a young person. I met her for the first time (at least that I remember) when I was 23. I saw her again when I was 44. I never saw or spoke to her again after that. That was a difficult thing, but it was a painful reminder that there are few promises in life. Now, much like with my adopted mother, I realize she had her life turned upside-down early. It is much better to be gracious and understanding of all she must have tried to manage. When I take the time to see a bigger picture, kindness toward her is appropriate because of the simple fact she chose to have me. I realize it was a different time, and perhaps access to options was very different, but I am here. There is so much I wish I knew, but at this point most everything I know was couched in what would you tell a child? – and by the time I would have asked more pointed questions, the people I trusted to tell me the truth had passed.

As I aged, and through time, my general response in most situations has been to question, to analyze, and to imagine, while most always attempting to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I have worked diligently to believe people deserve kindness, and if one is offered hope or a willingness to accept them, trusting in their goodness, the result will be positive. I do remember once telling someone I believed all people were fundamentally good, but they were testing my theory. The look on their face was priceless. My propensity for believing from the outset has been ill-fated a few times, but seldom have I regretted that general practice. The one place it has been a problem is (or was) when my belief or trust was in offering one specific assistance. Let’s just say, the manager of my branch bank gave me a lecture and told me, she did not want to see me write anymore checks that loaned money. I would have been well served to learn that sooner than I did. I do, even now, perhaps with one exception, believe most intend to do as they promise, but they cannot manage their lives effectively enough to dig their way out.

If there is one thing I wish I had learned earlier in life, it would have been how to be more economically sound. I might have retired sooner. And still, I have been fortunate to be able to learn over time. I do believe in the power of experience and the willingness of others to help if we will only ask and listen. I am continually amazed by the opportunities we are presented, and too often fail to realize they are there in front of us. I believe we miss them because we fail to believe in the goodness of the other. When offered, too often we mistrust; we look for an ulterior motive, convinced no one can be gracious simple because it is the good thing to do. Lydia used to scold me regularly telling me I was too nice. When I responded, “There is no such thing.” She would shoot back in her Austrian accent, “That is BS.” I told my optimism was brought to balance her cynicism. Her response was the same as noted. The reasons for my willingness to believe in the possibility of goodness are deep seated, and I know from where they originate. While that optimism has cost me from time to time, I believe with every ounce of my being, in the long run, I am a better person for it. My life has been more successful as a consequence, and my daily experience is more joyous. Gratitude has served me well, and I believe it will continue to do so. I have used this before as a video, but this version of John Lennon’s incredible song gives me hope.

Thanks for reading as always.

Dr. Martin

Time Passages: The Loss of Important People

Hello from my little corner in Panera Bread,

As has been my practice for a few years now, and without my trusty accomplice, I am back in Panera sitting where there is an outlet and I can do work. It is Monday, but it seems like I have done three days work already, and it is barely after 1:00 p.m.. I added a set of office hours this morning, and to my students’ credit, I had people in front of me for three hours straight. I had a small issue with the Beetle this morning, so my friend and colleague both picked me up and delivered me back to the shop. The shop, where I have gone for about three or four years, do outstanding and fair work. There was a reoccurring issue with a oil pan drain plug and they fixed it for free. Not what I expected, but appreciated.

When I was small, much to my mother’s chagrin, and perhaps with some worry for her, I grabbed our local paper every day when it was delivered. That was not her concern, but rather it was that the first thing I would read was the obituaries. For her, this was quite morbid, but at that point in my life, I did not want to be an astronaut, a policeman, or a firefighter, I wanted to be a mortician. So reading the obituaries and finding out the story of people was interesting to me. Each of these people had a story, and they had people who loved them (or that is how my 8-year-old mind understood the world). Over the years, I got to know our neighborhood funeral director well because if you were in Riverside, the Berkemeier Funeral Home was where you had your loved ones taken when they passed. Kenny, as we called him, was one of the most talented and compassionate people you could ever hope to care for your family at such a time. He managed the burial of three of the four of my immediate family. He also cared for grandparents, aunts, and uncles. When he buried my father, I told him if he was still conducting business when my time came, he could put me in an over-tempered Gladbag and set me on the curb. He smiled at me with a wry smile, and said, “Pastors are always the worst.” He was also known for his ability to assist other directors when they had a particularly difficult preparation to provide as much comfort to a family as possible. And one might say I ended up closer to that profession than I expected when I became a parish pastor.

Over the past two weeks, I have learned and read about two individuals, each of them of significant importance to me at a particular time in my life. The first I met in college, and as an older somewhat non-traditional student, he was a bit younger, but I was never sure how much. Paul Madsen was the head resident in Holling Hall when I was a freshman at Dana. He was personable, fair, committed to his work, and very capable. He was from the Madsen family who had long ties to Dana, as well as from Luck, WI, where the Dana pipeline was long and strong. He had an infectious laugh, and he was willing to take time for most anyone. He married his life-long love, and they were really a made-for-each-other couple. Lisa, his wife, also had a long Dana history. We had corresponded, not regularly, but he wrote me a very kind message last summer after not seeing my message to him for some time. His passing seems beyond unfair to his sons as they lost a mother and a sister in a very short spans of time, not long before. Everything I read about Paul and his willingness to share his pain in a manner that offered hope to others is exactly what you would expect of him. He was younger than I am, but such an unexpected passing is one of those slap-along-side-the-head moments, reminding me that there are no promises of anything. This is especially true when it comes to longevity. It there a reasonable time, a length of time, when if someone passes it seems fair? Certainly whether someone passes after a long illness or it is unexpected, we are never prepared to let go. Furthermore, many will say, “Just let me go to sleep and not wake up.” And yet such a death is stunningly difficult for those left behind. It is almost 15 years ago when I awoke to a very early morning phone call. My hello was met with “Mom’s dead. We found her dead on the couch.” and then my niece hung up the phone. I had no time to even respond, and I was trying to make sense of what I had just heard. I called back to make sure I had understood correctly, and indeed, I heard accurately. Kris, my younger sister, had died of a heart attack at 51. In the time since, and after an autopsy report, her early passing is no longer surprising. And yet, there are those moments when I wonder what she would be like as a grandmother, as a person in her 60s.

The second person, a person who recently passed, was a parishioner from Lehighton, where I was the pastor half my life ago. Her name is Louisa, and she was an incredibly talented, intelligent, and beautiful lady. Her late husband was my family doctor, and they once hosted my wife, my father, and me in their wonderful home for Thanksgiving dinner. That was a special time for my father in particular, as what I know now is he was in the beginning of his fight with Alzheimer’s Disease. Louisa was a larger-than-life person, one who never saw herself that way. She was always open and honest with me, and she taught me a great deal about life and actually being a parent. In spite of the fact I did not have children, I remember a situation with Jess (John), her son, and the degree she went to support and help him. That was actually the first time I ever met her other than to say good morning on her way out of church. She was distraught at the moment, and somehow I was able to calm her and help her and John (the husband) manage the situation. I did some work including some travel as I remember. That event cemented our mutual respect for the other.

She was an incredible tennis player, and she was gracious in her willingness to help someone (me) who was not nearly as adept at the game as she was. At other times, she would invite me to sit in their amazing home where we would chat about both things as philosophical as systematic theology or something as mundane as what was happening in town, and as the pastor of the third largest Lutheran Church, there was always something going on. Ice tea was always available. I remember riding with her to East Stroudsburg where I had a bi-weekly appointment, and she set up her appointment so we had corresponding times back-to-back. There was a graciousness in that because she would drive, and I saved both money and wear-n-tear on my car. A beginning pastor did not make a lot of money, and even though Susan had a job in Allentown, there were expenses. And she had a little BMW, which I thought was amazing; it was the first time I was ever in this German wonder of automobile excellence. I actually thought of her more than once when I had my little 328i since I was here in Bloomsburg. We would listen to music, and we had similar tastes. I still remember the first time we heard the duet of Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville. It was probably late 1989 because my mother had passed that summer, and I was doing counseling to manage that loss and struggles I had with that relationship. The music video was quite scandalous at the time because it considered the possibility of a biracial relationship. I remember she and I talking about that struggle for people. Louisa was ahead of her time, and I believe she saw the world differently. Her background as a medical professional was helpful because I was in some of the most difficult times of my battle with Crohn’s Disease, and her husband, my doctor, did some remarkable work in helping me handle a disease that was controlling my life at the time. Then there was the graciousness of the Steele family for Susan and me. They took us to dinner, invited us for dinners and holidays. Both of their children, John and Jennifer were talented and amazing in their own ways.

It is hard to imagine either of them as having passed from this world. I reached out to Louisa when I returned 15 years ago, but time never allowed for a reconnection. As she has now passed, there is a sadness in that reality, but I also know that times and people change. The passage of time sneaks up on us. It is that constant reality that we are stuck in the middle of, seldom aware of the evolution that occurs all around us. Over the weekend, I drove past the farm (and the initial picture is of the barn) as I was in Jim Thorpe and drove back to Bloom by the way of 443 and 81. The house and the barn themselves looked to be in mourning also. I remember when they had renovated the house inside creating such a beautiful space, but there was the part of the house that was original with a fireplace. It was like stepping back in time. Again, I smile as I recollect how much my father enjoyed himself. I am still overjoyed knowing how gracious a host Louisa was, taking great care to make sure Harry was happy. I am forever grateful. And ironically, yet later during my time in Lehighton, Jennifer would have her cocker spaniel and my cocker spaniel get together to create puppies. We were given one of the puppies and another one was purchased by another parishioner, whose daughter was in the youth group. I would also note that we made sure there was no inner-breeding possible.

It is amazing when someone passes what comes to the surface or in our recollections. It is what makes us unique in creation, at least as far as we know. Memory provides an opportunity to reminisce, to ponder the importance of the other, even if that period of our life has changed. My journey to become a student at Dana was unexpected, occurring through a visit on a Lutheran Youth Encounter team, but it changed my life. The meeting of incredible classmates like Paul Madsen and so many others changed the trajectory of my life, and I believe I can see the thread from there to here. Never did I believe my first assigned synod from Luther Northwestern would be the Northeastern Pennsylvania Synod of the ELCA, but that is where I ended up. That time in Lehighton from 1988-1992 was life changing, and while I never saw myself becoming a professor, Guy Grube, my senior pastor (at least as it was told to me later), told our incredible church office manager that I would someday become a professor. I guess he was more accurately prophetic than I would have ever imagined. Those four years were a difficult and profoundly important time in my life. And they parallel my first years in the academy more than I would hope. There is an irony that I am back within 60 miles of where I was half my life ago. There is growth in my seeing that time very differently than I did when I was the pastor of Trinity.

Many times I have said I wish I knew then what I know now. I certainly do not want to go back and relive that time, either at Dana or Lehighton, but I am grateful for those lessons and that part of my journey. I am blessed by Paul and Louisa, and their passing offers an opportunity to focus on the two profoundly special people. They were in my life at those different times, but they have some similar effects on me. We cross paths with earthly angels, those who come in different forms, different backgrounds, different paths that intersect our own. To Paul’s sons, Dane and Jake, you do not know me, but I was blessed to know both of your parents at Dana. They were an incredible couple who taught us who knew them how to love unapologetically. I wish you peace in this time. To Jess and Jennifer, your parents were life-changing to me. Your father provided incredible medical care when I was in the deepest throes of Crohn’s helping me set up surgery in Arizona. Your mother blessed me with her friendship. her wit, her talent, and her elegance. I am a better person because of all of them. Their graciousness, kindness, and care made my time in Lehighton more fulfilling and perhaps not surprisingly to you both, they ministered to me as much as I did to them as their pastor. Sometimes I wish I had the words, the music or precisely the correct thing I might do. As I sat here writing today, I was blessed to have Roxana and Brittany stop. Again, some of the best blessings that have occurred here in Bloomsburg. As I wrote, I heard a cover of one of my favorite songs, “Scarborough Fair,” the song by Simon and Garfunkel. When I first heard it I was probably the age of the young people doing this cover. The main vocalist is 11 (I think) as she sings. Incredible. I love the lyrics, the music, and the connection it has to my heritage. As people pass, they leave a heritage, their story, a story that intersects and changes other lives. Again, thank you Louisa and Paul.

Thank you everyone for reading.

Dr. (Pastor) Martin