Hello on a the last few days of May,
The last day of May is a significant day in my lifetime. It is the day I graduated from high school as well as the day I was confirmed by the Rev. T. P. Solem, the interim pastor we had between the pastor I remember as a small child, the Rev. Orion Anderson and the Rev. Paul Ofstedal, my pastor through my high school years. When I graduated as a member of the first class of West High School, leaving within the month for MCRD, I have no understanding of the concept “being called.” There is an irony that the two significant life-moments that occurred on that 31st of May have characterized and enveloped most of my adult life.
Luther spent significant time on the concept of vocation, the belief that our life’s work is a calling. How many people see their work as a sort of earthly purgatory as they earn their way to salvation? How many people see their path in life as something to endure, to suffer through, and why? Is it as simple idea that the very word work (arbeiten in German) is dark and about hardship? I thought it appropriate to return to the German as that was the native tongue of Luther. Arbeiten in German is closely connected to the idea of diligence, toil, or stress as well as the adjective of hardship (which is also a feminine word, perhaps not ironically considering the role of women in history). I have bought into this emotional baggage of the idea of labor more than I wish at times. Before I return to that idea of struggle, I believe we employ (pun intended) it in any area of our life we find less than desirable. Recently, I was part of a thread where one of my classmates revealed a significant level of sadness about their treatment through grade school and beyond. This individual was one of my closer friends throughout my childhood, in part because we worked to navigate a similar physical stature (we were both smaller than most everyone else) as well as we went to the same church and were involved in a number of church things together. They were incredibly intelligent as I remember, and also disciplined. What their texts to our group revealed was how words and actions of our classmates created significant hurt that they have held for a half a century. That is profound. As I ponder what I remember, I think there were other elements to their struggle, but certainly, the treatment of our childhood group had life-long consequence.
The idea of grace for us in our brokenness can be agonizing when what we feel first is hurt, rejection, or a sense of otherness. And yet, when Luther wrote about the idea of justification by faith, the promise of a loving God that is foundational, Luther frees us to something better. Known as the five solas,the Reverend Dr. Derek Brown writes,
“[Humanity] is justified by faith alone (sola fide), in Christ alone (sola Christus) by God’s grace alone (sola gratia) to the glory of God alone (soli Deo gloria). We find these truths and everything else required for life and godliness in the Scripture alone (sola Scriptura)” (2018). Vocation was part of the sacred before this, allowing for church related positions to be considered vocational, which of course, worked well in the medieval dichotomy of sacred versus secular (Brown, 2018). It also falls in line with Luther’s own personal disdain for the idea of works first, and why he had referred to James as an epistle of straw, something to be burned. Ironically, Luther would refocus our idea of all work as something that can be regarded as good when it is performed to the glory of God, in the service of the other. Through God’s grace, and by faith, something gifted to us by the Holy Spirit, any work done in the service of the other glorifies our Creator. Again, I should give credit to the article of Brown for providing such a concise and manageable view of the connection between justification and vocation.
As I consider the two positions that provided me life, sustenance, and a sense of calling, one might believe it is easy to see them as such, but nothing could be farther (or further) from the truth. I remember writing a letter to the pastor who served my congregation when I returned to Sioux City from the service, asking for advice about my struggle as I attempted to decide if I should go to seminary following my undergraduate (the other option was law school). Father Fred, as both his son David and I referred to him, hand-wrote a letter in which he encouraged me to be open to the call of the Holy Spirit, even if it meant going to seminary. That did more to point me in that direction than any other thing (although not wanting to disappoint my mother might have been a close second). The day I was ordained, I was overwhelmed to the point of being sick to my stomach because of the vows I had just taken. And yet, there were certainly times as a parish pastor that the sense of call was lost in the midst of all the vocation of being a parish pastor required. I think I understand call so much better now. Moreover, working to obtain my PhD was long and arduous. Additionally, like being a pastor would cost me a marriage, being a PhD student had a similar consequence (let me be honest and note I also made significant mistakes in both situations, so it was not merely the calling to either the parish or the academy). I remember my first semester at the University of Wisconsin-Stout; while I was ABD, I was in no way prepared for what that first semester would throw at me. From the dynamics of the department to not having software in a lab, my own struggles in coming to grips with three new preps, a new breed of student, the first year was not a complete failure, but there were many more negatives than positives. More than once I specifically remembering asking myself “why in the world would I want to do this?” From a couple of colleagues to one particular student, a single mother, without them, I am pretty sure I would not have survived. In spite of a somewhat developed sense of vocation or call, I did not see or feel it.
The important question is why? What happened either to me or because of me to obscure any sense of being called to or for something? The grammar wonk will come out at the moment. My title is being called. As a passive voice verb, the subject receives the action rather than performing it. Called without the passive voice sense, it seems pushes us into the German idea of arbeiten much more completely than we realize. And even when I knew it conceptually, too often I did not allow it to occur. If we see our positions, our daily tasks from our perspective first, rather than how what we do has value or positive consequence for the other first, we elevate the position, and by extension, ourselves rather than see what we do as service to the other. It is not that we should not be diligent, work tirelessly, and hope to improve, but rather we should do it because of the difference it makes for the individual struggling to understand God’s graciousness, the student who believes they are not smart enough or capable enough. It reminds me of the words of my confessions professor, the Rev. Dr. Gerhard Forde. It is not what we do that saves us, that has already been done. It is what we do with that gift. To be called be it to the parish or the academy was to be called by God, regardless the church or university. It was called for service to the parishioner, the person struggling with loss, with family dysfunction, with the confirmation student who cared little about what happened in that class. It was called for service to that student who came up to me the first day of class with an accommodation and tears in their eyes, for the student who tried to balance the expectations of professors, parents, and friends; yes, for that student who could neither come to the lab nor afford the software on their own computer because they were a single mother.
Throughout time, I have been blessed to serve so many. What I believe now is I was called for and to my entire life. There are still times I forget that passive voice nature of being called, but many times the consequence is less than stellar. What could have made a profound difference blends into the proverbial woodwork because it becomes less than its potential. Grace is an incredible thing. It is there for the taking, but too often we fail to receive it. Luther reclaimed the idea of vocation, and if we are brave enough to step back and receive it, the result is life changing. It is freeing, and it allows for such a much more incredible life. It is amazing.
Thank you as always for reading, and I wish God’s grace upon you all.
Michael
thewritingprofessor55 