Hello after another day of driving,
It’s been an eventful 10 days and there are more to come, but as always I learn so much about others as well as myself when I travel. The uniqueness of this journey is both about distance and a number of travel days. It will be probably over 7,000 miles and all of that in barely more than two weeks. While I have made numerous trips both by air and ground, the air has been transcontinental many times, but this is the first time I’ve transversed the continent both ways in a single trip. I did attempt one prior to this, and I learned beyond a doubt that trying to get through the Rockies or the Donner Pass in December is nothing to take lightly.
This trip was not on the radar, but it has been a good trip thus far. It took me to a part of California I’ve not been in before. Now I can say I’ve experienced the Red Woods, and the northern parts of the State. I’d not been much farther north than Tahoe before this. Across the country, as noted, people are simultaneously different (mostly in language and perhaps some style) and yet the same. If you are polite and gracious to them they are the same back, and our human stories are just that – people just living their lives the best they can. While Cristian and I have taken turns driving, we noted some of these commonalities, but I’ve also gotten to understand what he does on a daily basis much better. There are so many pieces to that puzzle, so many different people and aspects to coordinate before something comes to fruition. It’s not, in any way shape or form, the 9-to-5 40-hour week. He is dealing with people in multiple time zones, each with their own schedules and needs. Additionally, I’ve listened to him on the phone with his multiple associates. Seldom is there a moment he is not working on multiple projects or possibilities, and what amazes me is how he keeps it all straight in his mind, and I’m talking minute details and numbers. And yet while his business acumen is profound, he is generous and positive. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed such a person. And it does not stop there. In the midst of it all, he spends intentional and thoughtful time with each of his children.
What the trip has compelled me to ponder is the idea of family. While I have found an important connection to my own family, particularly later in life and specifically with my niece, and my sister-in-law, who is more like a sister, with nephews and others as well as great-nephews and nieces, I know how blessed I am. And yet, and mostly because of the solitude I’ve often felt, for many years it seems I’ve developed a sort of surrogate/extended family, from students who’ve lived with me to foreign exchange students, from students throughout my teaching tenure to people I’ve been blessed to meet from around the world, including places I’ve traveled and worked. What is perhaps most important in my realization is while nothing can replace by biological family, I’ve been so profoundly influenced and fortunate for the interactions and experiences, relationships with people from Eldorado County, California to Wausau, Wisconsin, from Minnesota to Moscow, Humlebæk to Houghton. The path taken provided the opportunities to meet those who were students and neighbors, artisans and guests, all who have become treasured friends and a sort of family. Across the states from Pennsylvania to Oregon or across the world from countries like Poland, Ukraine, Estonia, Spain, Russia and Denmark, there are places and incredible people dear to me.
I am asked often how it is I find it possible to stay in touch with so many? It seems there are two important reasons: the first is because of my own family – my biological and my adopted family. I have no real relationship with my biological family, save one person, and my adopted family, for which I am most fortunate, from nieces, nephews, and cousins have not been geographically close since I was 17 for any extended period. And I should note that is more because of me than them. Until I moved to Bloomsburg, the longest I lived in one place continuously, since 1973, was 6 years. That brings me to the second reason. I think because I never had children of my own, I struggled to feel like I had a family. I must also note some who have worked hard and intentionally to include me in their family, instances that have been genuinely life-changing. People like Norman and Maxine, Curt and Ione, José and Maria have included me in ways too precious to even articulate. Colleagues like Elaine and Tom, Jerry and Tina, Mark and Gayle have blessed me beyond measure.
Students who have lived in my home, those who have trusted me from the very beginning from Christy to Søren, from Amanda to Rebecca, from Melissa to Kelli, they all became surrogate children to me. They are all still in my life, and that goes back to 1992 for some. That is unfathomable to me at times. There is so much written about our family of origin and how it shapes us, and to be sure, that goes without saying. Yet, what happens when you have no really significant relationship with that family? Who are you? That question has vexed me from time to time. Perhaps it still does. Certainly, as noted, my adopted (adopting) family has been foundational in shaping who I am, but since about the age of 16, I found myself in a place where I knew I was on my own; I had to figure stuff out. The lessons have been legion. The mistakes have been innumerable, and yet, it seems a guardian angel has worked overtime, and perhaps time-and-a-half, and should be paid double-time.
What it all has taught me is that everyone is important in some way. There are no happenstance individuals, they, each in their own manner, have blessed me. This is not to say it’s been easy to see or to always understand, However, they all have value and importance, and some of them have kept me around for such a time that I am blessed to consider them as my unique idea of family. This past week, the mustached-actor, Tom Skerritt, passed away. While like everyone else, I remember him as Viper in Top Gun. I appreciate most for his role in A River Runs Thought It, where he plays the Rev. Maclean. In an article I read since his passing, he believed that role to be his most appreciated. The clip below is from the end of that movie. To all my extended family, thank you, I see you all in this way.
Thank you as always for spending some of this journey with me and for reading.
Michael
