Being Content

Hello from my mini-mini-much less than the Acre, but homey nonetheless,

As we finish the week, heading into Labor Day weekend, what is considered the sort of official end of summer is upon us. Where did it go? is a common question as we seem to meander our way through the days, weeks, and months. Already, in less than a month, we are 3/4 of the way through another year. In less than a couple of weeks, I will note (not sure if celebrations still occur) the addition of a different number for that age-box that is on applications. How did that happen again so quickly? Facebook has a habit, not sure if it’s helpful always, of sharing those memories and some of them are going on two decades ago, when I was still in Wisconsin. Some of those memories, the events, and the people are reminders of where we were in life, what was happening then, and it offers the opportunity, or perhaps requires us, to consider the changes from that event, from people who are perhaps no longer in our lives, for any number of reasons, and what we spent our time doing. Certainly, as noted by Katharine Hepburn to Jane Fonda, as the mother and daughter in the movie, On Golden Pond. As Chelsea (the daughter) laments her childhood Ethel, her mother, after saying that all of us look at and lament the past, notes, “Life marches on, Chels, I suggest you get on with it.” What a poignant, and yet difficult line and reality for us.

Since I formally retired two years ago, plus a couple of weeks, so many things have happened. So much of what I thought I had planned for, studied and tried to prepare for, has gone differently than I imagined. It has been disconcerting at times, flat out overwhelming and frightening, if I am to be honest. From a bus project to health care, from living in multiple or traveling to numerous places and states, I have felt a bit like a tumbleweed, buffeted and battered by the wind, and yet still moving with a supposed sense of direction. What I realized is both by necessity and otherwise, how Bloomsburg still needed to be a landing place, the place I called, and must remain to do so, home. What I have learned about the intricacies of health care as a retired person, in spite of all the homework done in advance, is beyond anything I could have expected, anticipated, or explained had I been asked. Managing the finances of being retired, managing the reality of cars, inspections, and a host of other things that seem more paramount than when I was working have been mind-bending at times. And yet, I have learned to step-back, to allow the realities of others, of the circumstances, to merely be that, the reality of any situation. I have noted that I’ve realized that if I do not have power over something (or someone), I cannot waste energy on it (or them). While I’ve been aware of that truism for some time, I am still working on the appropriate response: let it go.

It’s now the next day, Saturday, and I wish my former student, and surrogate daughter, Becky, a Happy Birthday! It would seem that contentment is something most of us crave, and while it seems simple enough conceptually, it is neither simple as advertised nor easy to obtain. Certainly, the idea of peacefulness, stability, or a feeling of satisfaction does not sound foreign, does not feel unobtainable, and yet, how many of us can say we are content? Does it only happen after some achievement or after we have accomplished a goal? What if it should be the goal rather than the consequence? And it begs the question what achievement, what goal? Educationally? Financially? Relationally? Materially? All the above? While my generation believed in the paramount idea of the American Dream, and many of those who come here (regardless their status) still buy into that idea, I do believe that they come with that hope. However, studies reveal that less than 50% of the American public believe that everyone has an equal shot at achieving it. First, what is it? Central principles include with hard work you can get ahead (e.g. live a better life); that owning a home and being able to care for your family is still foundational; and that fairness and equality, justice for all is core belief in what America is about. Demographically, the sense of the dream is also changing. For those younger, happiness is central, including a work/life balance and an importance on mental health. In fact, current wisdom would place this above financial stability. That is a significant alteration. The costs of all of life had led to a widespread pessimism about the likelihood of achieving the dream of my generation, and consequently, the idea of fairness has suffered also. And how often do we find ourselves telling our prodigies life is not fair. And the divide economically illustrates the sense of achieving “the dream” clearly. The effects of gender, class, ethnicity, and even generationally (when one was born) are major factors to this disappearing hope. Yet, on the other hand, 3/4s of the country still believe it is worth striving for. So what does that do to my idea of contentment?

Perhaps understanding it might be important and realizing what it is not might be as significant. The very word comes from the Latin contents, which means to be held together, to be complete. Therefore, I do not believe it is something that comes from outside of us. While events, experiences, and accomplishments affect us, the feeling of something being enough for the moment is a decision made from our inner-self. To feel content is not momentary, and it does not appear out of the blue. Just as importantly, it is not complacency, it does not put us in some state of ethereal bliss. It seems more likely that we accept our circumstances with a sense of honesty and with still a belief or hope in the goodness of things. In that, contentment is not dependent on circumstance. Perhaps the way to ask it is this: can we find inner-peace despite the outward chaos? To look for a sense of peacefulness in our current world with our 24/7 connectivity sounds a bit ridiculous . . . think about it? How many of us can truly unplug? How many of us want to? One of the things that I believe contributes to my growing sense of contentment is taking a nap, a willingness, and now, perhaps desire, to unplug consciously. To sleep for a bit and rejuvenate. It does wonders, even though my friend, Cristian, teases me. What is important for me is to still have dreams, plans, and goals, but to go about them methodically, reasonably, or intentionally, but to treat myself with a sense of grace. To get to this point, this mindset, has not been something that magically appeared nor has it been an intentional process if you will. It’s been an evolution of sorts. Perhaps it was more a realization that I was not a contented person, that perhaps all my life failed to find a sense of peace, regardless my accomplishments. It returns me to the earlier things above. Contentment is internal; it is certainly related to what we do, what we experience, and the people we have in our lives. It is simple to understand, and perhaps difficult to achieve, but it is possible. There is always a sense of agency within us, will we use it? Can we find it? Perhaps it is in the small quiet moments we come face-to-face with it. Perhaps it is in those moments we see the bigger (the clearer) picture.

Thank you as always for reading, and I wish you peace and contentment.

Michael