Good Saturday morning from the patio,
What a beautiful first day of June here in North Central Pennsylvania. I will miss these days. The humidity is low, the breeze is simple and tranquil. I have been fortunate to spend some time this afternoon at the pool of good friends, and the view and couple hours to relax have been most refreshing, decompressing, and needed. While I do not believe I put in near the crazy schedule I did in my 20s and 30s, I am nowhere near that age, hard to believe double or triple it, but I still feel more hamster-like than I wish at moments.
This coming week, I need to focus on some of the retirement chores as well as manage the course currently in process, so it will be a bit hectic. Organization and structure will make it manageable. Additionally, the weekend has been spent managing the schedule of others as some items are being sold on FB Marketplace. With the help of someone much more savvy than I am, things are going. Each piece is one less future item to manage, and I am all about the more (and the sooner) the better. It is amazing what we collect versus what we need (and notice, I did not use the word “want.”). While I understand the concept of Marketplace, I am realizing I am not a marketer, at least when it comes to platforms. Fortunately, I have some assistance.
One of the things that continually fascinates me is how people come into and out of our lives. Sometimes, some larger situation influences those passages, but there are those moments when there is a particular randomness. That is what happened about a month ago. Sitting in my favorite local restaurant, a person who spent a couple months staying in my home walked in with a close friend. While I had never formally met the friend, I recognized them from seeing them a number of times in a local coffee house I have also frequented. I was introduced and all went about their evening. Before they left we chatted and set up an evening of wine and tapas for a week or so later. The following week, they arrived punctually, and we spent the evening sharing stories, explaining lives, and enjoying a delightful time of wine and food. We spent the entire evening in the kitchen, the dining room, and the back yard patio. It was profoundly enjoyable, and as importantly revealing. The paths we trod, the events we experience, and the consequences of both do more to shape our vision, our attitude, and perhaps most importantly, our outlook than we sometimes realize.
What I found, and continue to find, (and not just in this case) is how complex we are. This new person, who now assists in my down-sizing, will blow out almost any stereotype you will. We are the product of upbringing and expectation, and without a doubt, gender affects that to a degree that sometimes goes unrealized, or at least the degree it affects can often be underestimated. In spite our progress toward some soupçon of gender equality, there is still much inequitable. What is deemed appropriate for a young woman versus a young man upon graduation is vastly different. What is accepted as safe or possible is also profoundly diverse.
If I were to describe this now late-20s individual without knowing what I do, I would be so sadly misinformed, incredibly shallow, and grossly unfair to just how exceptional of a human they are. Intelligence is infused in every fiber of them. Curiosity and wonder toward our world is both their gift and, at moments, the bane of their existence. A goodness that wishes for beauty and the care of our world radiates from their pictures and words, illustrating an appreciation of the basics, those things we perhaps fail to see, that I have seldom known from another person. Their attention to detail from design to aesthetics is stunning to behold, and it provides me a sense of hope and wonder that I had forgotten. Beyond these noted attributes is a willingness to learn, educate, and further their skills from construction and design to living with a self-sufficiency most would not dare to attempt. In a world where making such a choice would be considered unwise at best and perhaps folly at worst, their willingness to explore, experience, and learn has developed a person with keen observational skills, with a sense of identity that many could only hope to have at their age. There is a particular fearlessness, and yet one tempered by a dose of common sense. Additionally, though conversation, it becomes apparent they have an innate ability to connect with, while respecting the personage of the other. Each conversation reveals yet another atypical experience, which seems to help weave an incredible quilt, one that both gives them comfort and a freedom to face whatever the season might offer. I think this is one of the more surprising things I’ve experienced from them. The ability to land on their feet, the resilience is palpable. And yet, they have revealed some of the struggles to maintain their nomadic trek. The responsibility for managing all aspects of one’s existence in the midst of a changing location, traveling the immense boundaries of the country is only the beginning. Knowing how to respond to any contingency that might arise requires more than simple resilience. From the basic mechanical to maintaining a house on wheels, there can be little doubt that being the proverbial Jack-of-all-trades is efficacious. Networking on the road is not an easy thing accomplished, but they have done that on multiple occasions and established that ability on numerous levels. Such an ability requires the ability to be affable while being wise, thoughtful, and flexible. Those abilities are all apparent as you converse with them, amazed by their stories of the road.
And yet that is only the beginning. It would be easy to question their methods if one considered only appearance, be it from the vintage-ability they possess. It is certainly possible to pass them off as simply tall, statuesque, and head-turning, which are all attributes readily apparent, but what you would miss. Their ability to articulate a thoughtful and dedicated feminist mindset is quite stunning, even more than the beauty that radiates in any place they occupy. It is their frank and experiential honesty that will most intrigue you should you take the time to move beyond your initial shock of their physicality. Each time we end of chatting, I walk away with a renewed sense of admiration and hope. They have certainly taken the road less traveled (and the incredible pun in that statement is not unnoticed by me). I asked it they had an estimate of mileage and while it is less than anticipated, it is still substantial. Hearing some of their moments from numerous Burning Man events to traversing the entire breadth of I-80 or working their way north to south and back again, visiting Joshua Tree or passing through the solitude of Wyoming in the Fall or Winter is not for the faint of heart. Standing on the shore of the Great Salt Lake or experiencing the wilds of Western Texas is memorable (I know this from experience), but it is easy to get swallowed up in the vastness of it all. And certainly their stories show there are moments, but perhaps it is their self-identified whimsical love for the world that both propels and protects them. Their incredible combination of both a child-like playfulness and the savviness of a world traveler is what provides the ability to land on their feet.
It is their birthday as I finish this blog, and it is my present, albeit too small a gesture, for the unparalleled goodness they have displayed over these last weeks. You are wished a most glorious day. Thank you for the conversations, the insights, and the honesty. To the times our paths might cross as we get ready to go down our own roads. I wish you blessings, safety, and sense of peace. I think the possibilities are endless. We have spoken of angels, and so this song is for you. Thank you for your angelic ways.
To everyone else, thank you for reading.
Dr. Martin
thewritingprofessor55 
Dr. Martin,
This was a beautiful post. Although I do not know her, I also wish her a wonderful birthday and safe travels.
The idea of reconnecting with a lost friend is such a wonderful feeling. On the contrary, I often look at my lifelong best friend and think about how if we met today, we would not be friends. She has always been my rock, keeping me safe and grounded. We took wildly different paths in life. To this day, we are close and see each other often.
We met in elementary school. We went through the normal phases of loving and hating each other as we progressed through a small school where the entire grade consisted of 12 students. We grew apart and back together through middle school and high school. By senior year, we had put all that behind us and have been close ever since. She met her now husband. She settled down and had children. She is grounded in her faith and sees her extended family very often.
I left for college. I was in and out of relationships – primarily toxic and abusive ones. I worked the haphazard selection of jobs that I have detailed for other assignments. I spent several years on dating apps, making choices that I am glad are behind me. I eventually met my now fiancée on one of these dating apps. I don’t want children and my faith has never been strong.
What makes our friendship work is the respect and maturity that comes with the acceptance of some else’s views. We have said in the past that I kept her wild and she kept me safe.
When we get together now, it feels the same as when we were in high school, planning for prom. I will always value her and as our lives continue to take different paths, I will always keep her close.
Your words, as always, have made me think. I wonder how people perceive me, how they would describe me. But I have also come to the conclusion that I wouldn’t hold much weight in it if I did know. I have come a long way from the anxiety-stricken child with undiagnosed ADHD, subconsciously mirroring other people’s actions to be liked and fit in. I am now a confident adult who could care less about the often harsh judgement cast by others. There are people who are important to me, similar to the relationship I imagine you have with the individual you wrote about, that I would absolutely value their opinion. But for most of these shmucks out here, I could care less. That sounds extremely harsh, but if I took the time to explain the amount of work I put into myself to achieve this level of contentment (I would need a Harry Potter-length series) it would be clear why, as I type these words and genuinely mean them, I am the shmuck smiling at my laptop in the waiting room of my automotive mechanic.
Your post was a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I look forward to reading your next post.
Shannon Drexel
Happy Gemini Season!
It’s Saturday almost 2 pm and I’ve officially finished my chores for the day. Five hours of cleaning and organizing put into my apartment, on my only day off this week I can officially say that I’m excited to move onto completing the final assignments for this course.
After graduation I decided to take a trip to Syracuse and see my high school friend group. All five of us picked up right where we left off, I can’t believe we’re all adults now. Growing with people mentally, physically, and spiritually is truly one of the blessings of life.
All my friends that have suck with me for the past six years of college are amazing. I’ve known my closest friend for five years and absolutely appreciate xem. I truly believe community is crucial to all forms of growth for humans, through experience.
Being an adult who recognizes their mistakes and attributes is both a rewarding and harsh experience, good friends help remind you to focus and love yourself.
As a person with multiple disabilities I’m learning how to know my limit. Being disabled feels like a full time job on its own. If I had only know my first semester that my college experience will be set apart from others. At times I cherish these years and in others I’m excited to leave my undergrad behind me. But as I’ve kept telling myself these past 3 years at Mansfield “people can do hard things”.
Happy birthday to your wonderful friend.
For the past few months life has been feeling very lonely. It’s been hard to get out of bed and deal with the world. Thankfully I have a friend that is there no matter the time of day. We go months without talking, but when we meet up it’s like there was no time passed. She is recently going through a break up with her long term partner of 5 years. Even though she is going through it herself she’s always there to turn my sad tears to tears from laughing too hard. I like to think I do the same for her.
My family like to call these types of people life savers! I am pleased to read about your life savers. they sound like wonderful people.
Thank you for another thoughtful post!
Jessicarain Griffith
Hey Professor!
I’m writing to you from our rented beach house here in the Outer Banks, NC. Each time I read your posts, I’m fascinated by what this world has to offer. Today even, on the drive down, I was wondering how many people there are in this world that I have no clue even exist. How they each have their own lives, their own stories, their own personality. Often times, as you imply in your first paragraph, I try to find a stereotype that could fit each person. Whether that be fitting them into a common, almost universal type or even allocating them to a similar personality that another person that I have met shares, I often find myself assuming their story rather than just asking them.
For example, one question that I pondered today would be how interesting it would be to ask someone “Who is your best friend and how did they come to fill that position?” I find this question so intriguing because, not only will it most likely elicit a very drawn out and enthusiastic response, but also show you some of their life that will almost never come up in any other conversation.
Tying this back to your post, I am extremely happy for you that you were able to meet a new friend, and meet someone that you have found interesting. Often in this life (at least my own) I see people in black or white, someone that I could see myself spending time with and getting to know, or someone who I want to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible with. This, obviously, severely limits the people who I get to know, and, therefore, the stories I get to hear. So, it is quite wonderful you have been able to break down those walls and get to meet such a wonderful person. Wish her the best birthday from all of us!
Alex
Dr. Martin,
The connection someone can form with another is a powerful and beautiful thing that gives life true meaning. The joys that can become from a true kinship with another are truly one of a kind. I have made many friends throughout my time at college. Some have ended rather poorly, but yet the majority have brought true joy to my life. It is wonderful to hear how this person you speak of in this post has touched your life. Whether they were helping sell various old furniture, a task no one likes or looks forward to, or even simply sharing your company and enjoying a pleasant evening. A true friendship’s power can never be understated.
Friendship for me has helped me through very tough times. I remember just this past year, a relationship of mine ended rather abruptly. Someone leaving without saying goodbye is always tough, but I had numerous friends that helped me get through this. Without all of them, I don’t think my recovery would have been as smooth as it was. All those friends that stuck by mean so much to me, and my love for them could not be overstated.
I wish your special friend a very happy belated birthday!
Thank you, as always,
Bryce Klinger
Hi Dr. Martin
While reading this post I find it fascinating how you can describe a person without truly revealing who they are.
I found this post easy to relate to. I too, often think about “how people come into and out of our lives.” I find the randomness of it intriguing. You never truly know who you will find. Sometimes the interaction is brief but life-changing. I once had an encounter on the hospital shuttle of all places. I was on my way back to the cancer clinic where my mom was getting treatment from the main hospital cafeteria. It’s a bit of a walk between the two facilities so I waited and took the shuttle. Normally I wouldn’t leave the cancer clinic but for some reason that day I decided to go over and get coffee and lunch. On the rare occasion I take the hospital shuttle I typically don’t encounter many people. On this day there were a lot of people on the shuttle. This older woman decided to sit next to me. Our conversation started with basic pleasantries. Then she kept mentioning how coincidences are a sign from God. As we talked, we shared a few of these “coincidences,” like how we both had family members going through cancer, the fact that she and my grandmother have the same name, and the fact that we are both practicing Catholics. We had a pleasant conversation and said our goodbyes when we reached her stop.
A few minutes later I saw her waiting at another shuttle stop. I moved to the front of the shuttle to see if she needed something. This sweet woman had hurried to her car to grab a rosary for me and then rushed to the next stop to make sure she could give it to me. It turns out she makes rosaries and keeps a few on hand to share with people she meets. After our conversation, she said she felt “called” to give one to me. To top it off, unbeknownst to her, it was my favorite color. This random act by a complete stranger reaffirmed my faith and touched me deeply. This rosary still hangs in my car on my review mirror. It is something I see almost every day and it always reminds me of the conversation I had with her, and many other people, over the years. It reminds me not only to have faith but to also embrace the people I encounter throughout- my life. Some are short and brief, others are lifelong friends, and others are still waiting to be found.
Good evening Dr. Martin,
Reading your blog post tonight made me think about my friendships that I hold close, as well as human nature to judge someone based on appearance. The friendships that I have made and college, are a big reason of why I am doing as well as I am. My friends and I have managed to build a relationship within our group that allows each of us to have support. Support does a lot for a person, and has allowed us to grow closer and develop as individuals.
It is also interesting to think about the different ways that people develop the bonds that they have. I have formed bonds through trauma bonding, shared interests, and just exposure over time. The interesting thing though is thinking about which of those relationships has been the strongest, or lasted the longest. For myself personally I have found that those that I have formed trauma bonds with are people i tend to be closer to. There is just something different about being thrown into tough times with someone, and coming out on the other side together. it builds a form of trust and respect that is unrivaled.
Friendships are something that are often taken fro granted. They are so valuable for people both mentally and emotionally. It is also highly interesting to see how the friendships and bonds are made. As always thank you for your time in writing your blog and I enjoyed reading and commenting.
-Tenneson Scott
Good Morning Dr. Martin,
That does certainly sound like a peaceful and serene first day of June. I wish the loveliest of birthdays to your friend. Reconnecting with an old friend can be a wonderful thing. I reconnected with an old friend recently, with whom we had just grown apart. It was wonderful to talk with her and talk about how we’ve developed from 19 to being in our mid-twenties. Friendship is such a beautiful thing. I don’t want to think where we would be, especially me, without friendship and platonic relationships and the love we have through friendship.
Thank you for writing yet another thoughtful and insightful post.