Hello early in the morning,
Fear is something each person experiences. It is that emotion that an embarrass us, haunt us, humble us . . . and it is powerful perhaps accomplishing all of these things simultaneously. It is something we are led to believe we should overcome, something we can set aside, and yet, when the fear or object of our fear is so great we hope to avoid it at almost any cost, we refer to it as a phobia – fear of dogs, fear of snakes, fear of heights, fear of spiders or bugs and we even have Latin names for these phobias. And yet, from where do these so-called maladies originate, from where in our brain do they originate? And as importantly, can a fear ever be a positive thing?
We do categorize them as rational or irrational, so there can be some certainty that there had been significant study on the phenomenon of fear, and I have no doubt, no fear, that both my psychology or philosophy colleagues could point me in a number of directions to offer answers to my musings about this human trait. And yet, fear is not unique to our species. I have had people tell me, all well-intending that a snake is more afraid of me than I am of it. I can say categorically that I doubt that is possible, but again, it addresses the reality of how incredibly powerful fear can be. As some know, at least I am painfully aware of from where that fear originates. And is it the degree by or to which someone fears something that makes it therefore irrational? It is indeed true that there are healthy fears (even the phrase sounds oxymoronic to me)? And I can see in my own life that fears evolve, develop or dissipate as we age. They are added, or perhaps appear over time, sometimes without expectation or without any sense of origination. And sometimes things that previously created no specific response have become more problematic, more fear-producing. We are such incredible creatures, and more stunningly, our brains are so profoundly complex.
Fear is about comfort and understanding our comfort zones is not a static thing. However, regardless the circumstances that create this fearful response, it is a place for growth. It is a situation that offers an opportunity to learn, both about ourselves and our surroundings. Asking reflectively what we did and what we perhaps might have done is a really helpful thing. It reminds me of the summer I did my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) working as a chaplain in a hospital (I actually noted some of this in a recent blog). We had to write something called “Verbatims” after a visit. We needed to the best of our ability write down the complete conversation as close to word-for-word as possible. Then we had to sit with our supervisor and discuss them. This allowed for reflection and opportunity to see if we could have provided care for effectively. I think at times even a similar thing for understanding our fear might be helpful. I know that it is often through writing something down I see it most clearly. While I am pretty sure my fear of serpents is not going away anytime soon, and my pretty serious discomfort with significant heights will always cause me pause, it is the newer sort of fears or discomforts that precipitated this blog.
It seems the older I become, the more overwhelmed I am in crowded places. I am not sure it is some sense of claustrophobia, but rather it is the over-stimulation that seems to happen when there are too many conversations; there are too many possibilities for interaction; there are too many things vying for some attention or interaction. I can manage it for a bit, but then I find myself feeling in the middle of a circus of sorts. It is not the people themselves, because one-on-one, I can speak with them. and they are actually significant in my life. I have been trying to figure it out, and I think it is an issue of noise (the multitude of conversations, bustling about, or my feeling of never knowing where I fit in, which perhaps sounds surprising). Some of it has to do with volume, but it is not some shocking in-front-of-a-concert-speaker thing, but rather maybe the continuous nature of it. It is sometimes I feel like the infamous third-wheel, the spare that should remain in the trunk. And it is not because of the others, it is my own personal struggle. It is such a different space I seem to occupy than when I was in my 20s and 30s. And yet, as noted recently, when I was growing up, I was perceived as a shy person. It seems I am reverting back to that. It is perhaps I am more shy in the midst of the larger spaces with numbers of people. In my current Google map, which I first started to write almost a decade ago, I refer to myself as the lonely-in-the-middle-of-the-crowd person. I am not sure how becoming that person transpired, but when I consider some of the things I have written, I see a connecting thread. Why might it be I am uncomfortable or feel inadequate in those spaces, which one might believe to be much safer than when I am teaching, when I am speaking about wines at a former dinner situation, when I am called upon to make some remarks, or even when I was a parish pastor and was placed in highly stressful situations? This is a conundrum for me. And yet I am blessed to be included, and I realize that.
I find myself craving the solitude I have at times, and simultaneously pondering if it is helpful or detrimental. I love being in my classes and working with my students. I love when I can connect with a student and help them come to terms with some aspect of their education, which seems to be vexing them. I love when I can work through a problem with students in a way they can walk away feeling better about themselves. I am humbled when someone reaches out years later and something all those years ago made a difference. This past summer, my classmates and I spoke with both incredible respect and love for our history teacher, Mr. Larry Flom. It is 50 years later and he passed away before the turn of the century, and we are still speaking about him. It is those kind of teachers who inspire me to do better, to go further, hoping that something offered will make a life-long difference. Undoubtedly, there is an idealism in that hope, but it is that same idealism that probably helped me achieve getting to this point in the first place. There is an interesting dichotomy in what I do because there is a solitude in it. When I was a pastor, when I was a server, when I am teaching, there is no where to hide. It is all on me, and the strengths or weaknesses are there in front of everyone. And yet that does not cause me fear. Why is that? From where does that strength or ability come? I have also wondered if COVID has something to do with it. It seems that COVID gets blamed for most everything. I remember initially believing that the online teaching was a way to be more efficient and more focused, and I believe it did that, but it did not make it easier for students. That is certainly the experience I had during those COVID semesters.
It is easy to see fear negatively, particularly when the memories or the emotions connected to that fearful issue are so intense. And yet fear is necessary . . . it is the foundation of our instinct for survival. It is the basis for knowing when to continue or when to stop or change course. And yet, how do we know in the midst of it that there is something efficacious? When does the decision to run or remain as a thoughtful fear provide a more beneficial outcome? Perhaps it is previous experience; perhaps it is more critical thought and careful analysis in advance. As I begin to chart a new course for the years ahead, I hope that some of the things I have learned along the way will offer a more productive and perhaps even more successful future. While there are certainly some things that I could have done without, each of those experiences did something to create the person I am as I consider what to do after I empty an office, sell-off belongings, or make some additional decisions about what next. Yet, there is lot to do before that time, but it is evident already that it will come more quickly than anticipated. And there is some fear to that also. What next with no concrete plan is not the way I generally go about things. I do plan, and I need to have some sense of what will happen. Perhaps there will be new fears, which is always the case with the unknown. Perhaps there will be less fears with less responsibility. Most of those who have retired before me see to be very content with their new found freedom. They settle in and what happens has consequence, but not the sense of dread or worry about the ifs. We’ll see what happens next. Will I find new fears or face the same ones that are such a part of my limited perspective. I remember my Great-aunt Helen telling me I was a brave person before I went into a surgery at Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, AZ many years ago. I faced that time with a determination that it was a hurdle to jump and I would. I realized that my life was in someone else’s hand. And so it is now. I can only do what is possible, and I believe facing whatever comes is the best way forward. Sometimes it is hard being just one person, but there is something good in it also. I remember a song from my high school days, and a band that was popular for many 45s at that time. Here is an appropriate song from the group Three Dog Night. I smile when I see the fashion and the hair . . . I resembled that more than I knew.
Thanks as always for reading.
Dr. Martin
thewritingprofessor55 
Hi Dr. Martin,
I have also recently come to realize my more serious fears. As a child, I was of course afraid of the normal things children are afraid of; the dark, monsters, etc. As I got older, the only real fear I ever knew I had was a fear of needles. This fear was never really was serious or debilitating to me, just something that I had to overcome when flu season came around.
As I enter my 20s, I am now realizing some deeper fears that are just now showing themselves. As I get older, I am becoming more and more aware that my time as a kid and being with my family 24/7 is basically over and that it’s almost time to move on. I am of course, very excited for this approaching transition, but I’m also insanely terrified… more terrified than I am of needles. A lot of things have been happening that seem too fast, it seems I don’t have control over my life anymore or the transitions that I am about to go through as an individual. All of these changes make me nervous, but I know it’s something everyone must go through and I should embrace the feelings of unknowing. The fear I feel for the future is intense, but I have to admit there is a high to it. It feels like my life is really beginning, and I am transitioning into who I was meant to be. I am afraid to leave the comfort of my family, my home, and my simple life as an adolescent… but I am seeing signs that it’s time for a change in my life and I think I am slowly becoming more ready with each day.
Fear is, to me, one of the defining emotions of my life. A kind of low level anxiety followed me everywhere, a paranoia that I couldn’t quite shake. I can’t watch anything even slightly scary because of the nightmares I get for weeks afterwards. I slept with a night light on for longer than I care to admit. I also have social anxiety which leaves me unable to make eye contact with the person I’m talking to, especially if that person is my age. I have dealt with fear for as long as I can remember, and I actually got pretty good at controlling it too. The point is that, while fear can be good in moderation, too much fear can leave you paralyzed and unable to function normally. It’s important to learn to control your fear and have ways to calm yourself down if it gets to be too much. People need to be able to take breaks or vacations when they need to and not feel ashamed to admit that they need help. Mental health is important, and people should be allowed to do what is necessary to calm their anxiety without judgement. If that means sleeping with a light on past the age of 10 then so be it.
Dr. Martin, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on fear and agree with the statement that our fears do change over time. I remember being a kid a being afraid of the dark or being separated from my mom in the grocery store. Those seem minute compared to my fears today. My fears today consist of whether I am going to graduate, my son out living me, and the small everyday adult fears. From bills, to running a household, to doing right by my kids, these are all fears to me. I can also share in your fear of being in large crowds of people even though I do enjoy talking to others as well I can share in the fact of the loud multitudes and needing more of a quite peaceful place than places full to the max. It makes me chuckle when I talk about the need for peaceful quiet places because my oldest son not that he is completely aware of why also does not like the idea of large crowds and lots of noise. Yes, it is overstimulated due to Autism, but it also creates a fear in him to go to crowded places. This fear creates many behavioral issues for him because of not fully communicating his feelings, and not because he does not want to but the ability to be able to communicate is lacking. There is a big fear in this for me when I leave him in the care of others while I go to work and continue my education. Due to the lack of communication, he cannot tell me about his day or if something is wrong, this also is hard for the person taking care of him because the few words he has are not clear to someone that does not know him well. Fear comes in all ways and sizes; I think that feeling fear is a good part of understanding yourself as a person. Thinking that fear is something that we should not have as an individual is not healthy to me. As time goes on and here in a year, I will hit my thirties I feel that my fears may shift again, I also hope through the help and teaching that my son will be able to control the large feeling he has toward his fears and understand what causes him such fright.
Miranda Myer
Dr. Martin,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this blog post and found that a lot of what you stated about fear resonated with me. In particular, your statement that fear is about comfort made me think about my current fears as a college student. When I am in my comfort-zone, nothing fazes me. Being in my comfort zone can be described as being in my own home surrounded by family who I can be myself around. I knew that coming into college I would be getting out of my comfort zone right off the bat as I would be essentially “moving out” of my house and into a dorm. Not only that, but I would be moving in with someone I do not know. They say you shouldn’t room with a friend from back home, but I question the validity of that. For example, if you were moving into your first apartment not affiliated with college, would you just move in with a random person? Of course you wouldn’t–leave it to college to provide you with that experience. I feel that if my best friend from back home were my roommate, I would not be so fearful of the unknowns of college. That is not to say that I do not like my roommate, but I feel that having a new person as a roommate provides no level of comfort, which contributes to fear.
In relation to comfort, I have come to realize that my current biggest fear is growing up. As a child, I always wanted to grow up as most children do. Once I turned sixteen, however, I realized that getting older is not all that it is cracked up to be. For one, I had to get a job. I grew to love my job due to forming great relationships with my coworkers, but I hated working at first. I was not used to the added responsibility that comes with having a job. Weekends that I used to be free to do what I pleased were now occupied by my job. I still have to pinch myself from time to time as it is still unfathomable to me that I am a college student. I thought high school would go on forever and I never really thought about college, even after I applied and got accepted. Reality hit me, however, the day that I moved in. It is hard to come to terms that my childhood is essentially over. I find that these circle-of-life moments are extremely hard for me to accept and be content with.
Another thing you mentioned in this post is the fear associated with not having a concrete plan. Not knowing what exactly your next adventure in life will be is both exciting as you have the potential to be the happiest you have ever been, but it is also scary in that it may not go as you originally thought it would. I am experiencing fear in that I do not know what is in store for me next year, or even next semester at that. I received an email about choosing housing for my second year of college, and I instantly shut down. I feel like I just arrived here and knowing that I must start thinking about housing arrangements for next year is crazy to me. I am fearful that college will not get better for me in terms of it being “the best four years of my life.” I am scared of what may happen if I do not end up staying here and decide to continue my studies somewhere else. I noted in my last reaction to your blog that I have been dealing with homesickness, and it has not yet gone away. I am hoping that in making where I am currently at feel like a home, my fears will subside.
It is important to remember that fear is a natural part of life and that everyone experiences it whether they want to or not. Fear can be managed, but it is a part of who we are biologically. Not letting fear take over your life goes along with managing it. Fear should not get in the way of leading a happy and successful life. I think it is useful to remember that we are all experiencing life at the same time and that we are all human. Fearing the inevitable is useless just as stressing about things that are out of your control is useless. Thank you for sharing such an insightful blog post. I enjoyed reading it as well as reflecting on my own fears.
Dr. Martin,
I have to say this post really spoke to me. I, like mean people, am afraid of many things. Whether those things be rational or irrational, I have many fears in this world that presents so many threats. And I do agree that fear is necessary, though I wish sometimes it wasn’t so prevalent. I think people often confuse the line between fear and caution. Just because you are cautious of something, that does not mean you are afraid of it. That being said, you would most likely be cautious with something you are afraid of. All my life I have struggled with ADHD, and it has not been easy. I have a big personality, a small filter, and though I try my best to appeal to others, some things slip past the surface and it rubs people the wrong way about me. Part of having a big personality like that is coming on too strong when meeting new people. I am often side-eyed, made fun of, or even ignored because of the way I act, which I cannot control most of the time. But that leads into one of my biggest insecurities: being left out or forgotten. Part of having ADHD and anxiety is worrying about every little detail. I worry about how people perceive me a little too much because of this. I have developed severe FOMO (fear of missing out) because I have been left behind or forgotten about many times in the past. Whenever my friends are doing something and I cannot be there, I am worried they will all become better friends with each other, and will soon remove me from the group, thus allowing me to fade into the background, unnoticed and unappreciated. That is an irrational fear, as my overthinking gets the best of me and doesn’t allow me to see how ridiculous a claim like that can be. Another irrational fear I have is bees. Well, it is irrational depending on who you ask. I have never been stung by a bee, but I am terrified to. A slight buzzing in my ear will cause me to jump and flee the scene. And if I see a hornet, wasp, or even a normal bee, I immediately start to panic. I understand bees only sting if provoked, but I am still scared that I will be an exception. However, there are rational fears out there, too. Being scared to walk home alone at night, being worried about someone sick, having anxiety about your performance in an event you participate in, all are rational fears. And to a degree, I agree with you that fear is important. It allows us to see the potential danger of a situation and find ways to avoid it, but when you are scared almost all of the time, it starts to get irritating.
I love how this article touches on fear and different types of fear. I really enjoyed how you said that Fer originated in our brain, but how did it get there and where does it and where does it come from. That is the question that I think to myself a lot and I really like how you express that. Growing up I always had fears that have stuck with me my whole life. But where did it come from? I also like how you said that fear is not just a human trait but is a common occurrence for all species. I thought as a child that my fears were individual now that I am grown up, I see that everybody has fears and they’re all different. I also really enjoyed it when you touched on fear being a place of growth. You took an example from being fearful of your work, but it made you work harder and made you grow as a student. This is something that I truly believe, and I like how you expressed it. Growing up I would always fear different things and overcoming those fears was a growing experience. For example, when I climbed up a tree, and I was too scared to get down. I learned that I had to get over my fear of getting down and finish what I started. That taught me a lot and I still stick to finishing what I started today. Overall, I really like this blog post and think that it is something a lot of people can relate to.
Dr. Martin,
I understand the fear of crowded spaces. Ever since I was little, I would always get overstimulated in big crowds, leading to an anxiety attack. It has gotten better with time, but every once in a while, it strikes me. I agree with you that it’s not the amount of people but the continuous conversations all around. So much happening all at once can cause confusion that gets to you within seconds. Snakes are something that I also relate to being scared of. My mom’s friend used to have one, I didn’t know how scared of them I really was until they took that thing out of its cage.
As much as fear can stop us from doing things, I also feel like it can help us grow. I think that’s good fear. When you’re scared to do something, and you do it anyway. The exhilarating feeling that comes afterwords is a reward beyond words. A good example for me was the SATs. I was terrified that I wouldn’t get a good score, that I wouldn’t be deemed smart enough for this score to help me get into college, but I did it anyway. Even though my heart was pounding the entire time, I still did it and ended up doing really well. Sometimes we have to put our fears aside to grow as people; to gain the confidence we deserve to have in ourselves.
Dr. Martin,
I really enjoyed reading about your take on fear. Fear is something many people can relate to, and it is such an interesting thing. Personally, I feel that I have many fears, but they are not as common or not as commonly talked about. I also find it so fascinating how sometimes you do not even realize that you are scared of something until you are put into a situation. I also find it interesting how we are able to overcome fears, but also how others develop as we grow and mature.
I find that I am able to connect to the idea of having fears develop for what seems to be no reason and being able to overcome them. When I was young, I had an insane fear of dogs. I remember the anxiety I felt when we were going somewhere because I was always worried that there would be a dog there. I would shake uncontrollably, cry, and even at times I would get so worked up that I would vomit. I am fascinated by fear response. It is different for almost everyone, and even I have different reactions to different fears. I had never had a negative interaction with a dog, and I still do not know why I was ever scared of them. I did not overcome my fear of dogs until I was around 9 years old, and now I absolutely love dogs. My family even has a German Shepherd now, and he is my best friend. It is crazy how over a span of less than 5 years I was able to go from being terrified of dogs to now having my own dog help me calm down when I get upset.
I also connect to the idea of having fears develop over a period of time. When I was young, I loved water. I would get in the ocean at the beach, I would swim around in pools, and I would walk around in creeks. I now have a fear of water. I still love being in a pool, but I do not favor going underwater. I prefer to be in water where I can see the bottom. I did not realize how bad this fear was until I went white water rafting recently, and I overheard people saying that they might flip our raft so my group could work on getting out. I instantly started to sweat and I felt myself struggling to maintain a normal breath pattern. I later found out that part was completely optional, so I did not need to participate and I happily declined the offer to participate. I had never realized how strong that fear was. I spent a decent amount of time at the pool over the summer, but I would just feel uneasy at first until everyone realized how much I hated being underwater. Then, they let me alone and I did not need to worry about it. I had not been in a situation where I was in an actual body of water where I would not be able to see the bottom, so I did not know that I would react like I did until I was in that situation.
I have many more fears, but I think these two fears help me connect with some of the ideas that I commonly think about when I wounder about fear. Overall, I found your take on fear to be very interesting. Thank you for this post!
Dr. Martin
I have never really thought about my fears and how they have changed from back then until now. but when I was younger, I did have irrational and rational fears. As I have grown up, I noticed that I have lost a lot of my irrational fears, but I have also gained new ones. While I was looking back on some fears, I do not even know why I had them. But at the same time, I also question some fears I have now and why I never had them when I was younger.
I had some normal fears like the dark or bugs. But as I have grown, I noticed that there is nothing in the dark or that bugs cannot hurt me. I also think as technology grows fears will change as I now have a fear of deep oceans and murky waters. I do believe you are right about comfort. As I grew up, my family members owned snakes and I would walk around carrying them. I imagine if you grew up in a situation like this you might not have had a fear of snakes.
Some fears you have are based on the fear of your own safety. As I have a fear of heights and a more real fear of disappointing my family. These fears have their place in my head, keeping me safe around higher-up areas. and with the fear of disappointing my family, I am always motivated to do my best and keep making them Proud of me.
You are right about fears being a part of our comfort zone. And with who I am, I love to leave my comfort zone. which is why even though I hate heights I decided to take a class on rock climbing. And why, even if I am afraid of standing in murky waters, I go fishing and go swimming in the ocean. So, I do not know if anyone would look at me and call me crazy. But there is just something so fun and exhilarating about leaving my comfort zone and not knowing what to do and must learn. But it is something I experience daily while going to college and it is a feeling that I hope I never stop experiencing.
Dr. Martin,
I was very fascinated by this post. I love how you spoke about fear and how it can be both a positive and negative thing. I find it interesting how you described the feeling of loneliness and how you can feel left out and how you don’t think you should be there. I agree with you in the way that fear can be a positive thing and is very needed. As you explained, a big reason we have developed the feeling of fear, is because it is a survival instinct. The common, widespread fear of snakes, bears, and alligators is actually very important to have. For example, if you are in a situation where you are hiking in the woods, and you see a cute baby bear, as much as you would love to pet it, you will quickly move away because you know the less cute, aggressive momma bear is nearby. I believe the purpose of this post was for you to explain fear and how it is both a negative and positive thing.
Hello Dr. Martin,
Fear has taken many forms throughout my life, and I can narrow down what I think to be two main categories of fear. My first is my irrational fears, which manifest beyond my control and don’t seem to have much of a reason for existing. When I was younger irrational fears were the most prominent in my life, but as I grew and learned that they are able to cope with them or just flat out dismiss them in my mind as irrational, I was able to mostly quash them, as most of them were nothing more than childhood fantasies about monsters and other things of the sorts. One irrational fear has stuck around with me, and that is the fear of not being seen as a good person in the eyes of others. It is ever-present with me although I well know that I cannot change how people view me.
The other is my fear of things out of my control. This is a fear that I have coped with extremely well especially as a young adult and having been cast into dozens of unpleasant situations that I had no control over. As a child, I learned about the mass destruction atomic weapons could cause, and whenever I would here the roar of a plane up in the sky, I always had a sinking feeling that the bombs were coming. While nuclear bombs aren’t any less scary than they were when I was a kid, i was able to cope with that fear, and other fears like it by accepting that it was out of my hands and if it happens there’s not anything i could have really done to stop it.
Hey, Dr. Martin,
It is very interesting how you view fear as a static or dynamic thing. I’ve never really thought of this concept like this, or considered it this way, but it makes sense. Humans are constantly changing, just like you are, as mentioned in your post.
I remember as a kid, I was scared of the basement because it was dark, and I had really no idea of what was down there. As I grew older, that fear became a distant memory and no longer had any bearing on my mind. That might be a rough example from my life about dynamically changing my fears, but it works! Also, I used to be more fearful and nervous when it came to public speaking. I feel as though that is a common one, but after taking a class and gaining confidence, I am not nearly as nervous and scared as I was.
Additionally, I can find myself feeling occasionally like you do as a “lonely-in-the-middle-of-the-crowd” person. I find that social settings with a large number of people aren’t really my favorite, and I prefer being able to hang out with a couple of friends or family. When it gets too large, I feel small and don’t think that my voice can be heard and often don’t socialize and talk as much. That can be because I feel safer in smaller situations, and maybe I need to expand my comfort zone when it refers to larger social situations.
I like how you described fear as a “place for growth.” In today’s world, everyone is searching for the next thing that will develop them to be a better person, or more successful, or more attractive. Everyone is looking for a way to give them an edge. It is my belief that sitting down and recognizing your fears can be extremely beneficial for personal growth. When you are able to recognize something that you know is a weakness of yours and either accepting it or planning a way to get better at it, is a great thing. I give “accepting it” as an option because there are simply some fears that will be impossible to get over for some people. Some people may be stubborn, or the fear may be simply much too great (e.g. a near-death experience, etc.). Accepting and recognizing fear can be a great way to stand up to it and acknowledge that you’re imperfect but you recognize that.
It was very interesting to read your take on fear and how your fear has shifted and changed throughout your life. I regularly find myself trying to figure out what makes my brain work, and fears and nerves are a whole section of their own.
Luke Willard
I have fears, lots of them. I fear failing. Failing myself. Failing my family. Basically, failing at life. I realize I am 21 years old, and I hear time and time again, “You have the rest of your life to worry.” I worry today. I think about my classes. I could be doing better, I tell myself. My parents tell me if I am doing my best then I will succeed. No matter what anyone says, I am still afraid.
That is not to say I am a “mousy” person. I have plenty of friends and acquaintances who have no idea that I struggle. They see a person who is friendly and self-confident. Unfortunately, it is all an act; a face I put on to protect myself from people seeing the real me. Honestly, I am not sure who that person really is. I know who and what I am supposed to be, so that is who I am.
I actually wish I had a normal phobia, like spiders or heights (neither of which I am fond of) but at least they are accepted. People do not look at you with shock and pity when you say you are afraid to fly. They nod their heads, and say “Yeah my aunt so-in-so, has the same problem.” However, if you tell someone that your insecurity is failing they have no response. You are left with an awkward silence with a prompt change of subject.
Take this class for instance, we are doing group assignments. I have a deep-seated fear of letting those people down. They will see that I am not the best writer or the quickest. I am afraid they are sitting in judgment of me. Again, I have been told not to worry about it, and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but I still feel afraid.
Hello Dr. Martin,
Fears have always been an interesting topic to me, mainly because of where they stem from. Some fears are rational, meaning it makes sense where they came from. For example, the fear of being left alone. This could stem from friends, family, or loved ones leaving you at a time when you needed them most. Funny enough, I have had this same fear for the longest time. This fear stemmed from my ex-girlfriend leaving me at a time when I needed her most in my life. Mentally, I was not present. A lot was going on in my life at the time and she left me because she couldn’t handle the stress of a relationship. I can’t blame her. If I were in her position, I would have most likely done the same. At some point, you have to put yourself first, and that is what she did in that particular situation. After she left me, I got in my head about being alone forever. I never thought that I would find true love or someone to stick by my side ever again. Turns out, I was wrong. While I have yet to find true love again, I do have people who stick by my side no matter what I am going through, which I am beyond grateful for.
To me, an example of an irrational fear would be the fear of the dark. While I do have this fear, I cannot understand why I do. I have always been afraid of the dark since I was a little kid. I was always in my head about a monster or bad guy coming out of the dark to get me. It makes me laugh just thinking about it now but back then I was terrified. Now I am able to sleep in peace without worrying about a fictional monster coming to grab me! Another example of an irrational fear would be a fear of heights. This is another example of a fear that I believe we are born with, a fear that we don’t acquire over time. To me, those are what irrational fears are. They are fears that make sense to have but cannot be traced back to a direct cause as to why we got them.
I find it interesting when you say that fear is a place of growth. As much as people may not want to believe it, I think that statement is true. For example, the fear of heights. I believe that if you have this fear, it is an opportunity for you to overcome it. Whether you go on a roller coaster or climb a really tall building, there are several ways to get over this fear. This can be said for anything that you are scared of. It is always an opportunity for you to overcome that fear and get comfortable with being okay with having something to be afraid of. This allows you to expand your comfort with being scared of something.
Dr Martin,
I think this blog post is very interesting and something that I think about a lot. Fears come in many different forms whether its physical or mental and all effect people in different ways. Fear is born from a idea. That idea can be fear of failure or fear of what people think just to name a few. As an athlete we all naturally fear failure but that fear in failure is also what pushed us to get better. You see fear can be used as a motivator to better yourself. Take a relationship for an example. In most relationships the fear of breaking up or abandonment is always in the back of peoples minds, and I believe this is a direct reason for why relationships work. The fear drives us to better ourselves and to please your partner so that they are happy. Fear is in more places than we realize and becoming aware of fear and exploiting it can be very beneficial. Another example can be the gym, the idea of failing the last rep is what gives the motivation to push through it. You can’t let fear control you, because if you do you will remain the same. Fear inspires change. This blog post reminds me of the movie The Bronx tale where a mob boss ponders the question is it better to be feared or loved? He then goes on to say its best to be both, but very hard. In his situation he used fear to keep his underbosses and the members at his will, while also using love to keep them happy. In the end I believe fear is a part of everybody life it just depends what you make of it. Do you crumble up and let the fear consume you? Or do you overcome it and better yourself? The choice is yours.
Dr. Martin,
Again I feel like the blogs that you post are so very relatable. Our fears can consume us at points in our lives if we allow them to. At a young age I was always afraid of my house burning down and all of my precious valuables that family members gave me would burn down with it. I decided to pack two full bags of everything and keep them near my door for the longest time just incase if there were a fire I could some how leave and carry the bags out. I let this fear consume me but I learned from it. Though artifacts and special gifts from family members are important the memory of getting the gift will never fade. I then unpacked the bags and stopped worrying about a situation that may never even occur.
Growing older I have let fear control my life in some instances. I have a fear of fitting in to groups and I too like you get overstimulated in large crowds. An example of this was on my 21st Birthday this past April. Let’s just say I had one to many “apple juices” and after a while the large crowds of people in the bars and outside made me have a mini anxiety attack. My brother tried to console me to make sure I was okay but him getting in my face made me hyperventilate even worse. Let’s just say I learned something about myself that night. I usually just shut down in crowds when I am not consuming “apple juice” and I think the reason for that is, that I am scared to say or do the wrong thing. I want people to like me and I let that control how I act and what I do instead of allowing myself to be me.
This could be my place of growth from this fear of mine. I like how you phrased it that way because I feel that everyone sees fear as something they cannot overcome. But it’s just like anything else in life, if you work on it you can overcome it. It is healthy to realize your fears and to learn about yourself in ways that you can become more comfortable with your fear and yourself.
Dr. Martin,
Fear is something that everyone has there own unique experience and I think that two different people will never have the same experience with it. To me, fear is mainly an embracement more than anything else. I’ve always had social problems my whole life, like not being able to talk to people. This, as one can imagine, causes a lot of problems like not having friends, not being able to ask people for help when you need it, and sometimes that social anxiety makes you not want to even talk to someone you know. Once in elementary school, I tried to become friends with someone. I went up to them, tapped them on the shoulder, and then stared at them until my anxiety was too much and i started just crying. This memory is what comes to mind when I talk about fear. The embarrassment I had felt at that moment was an awful feeling that I could never forget, even if I tried.
I think that, while the fear i felt was embarrassing, it also help people in a positive way. I slowly got used to the anxiety that came along with talking to new people. Eventually I stopped feeling that anxiety almost entirely. There will always be at least a little anxiety when talking to specifically new people but as I’ve grown, I’ve learned to deal with and manage that feeling.
Fear can control some people’s lives, but it can also be a driving factor too. Some people might have a fear of not having a good enough job to pay for there needs, so they will go to college and try to get the best job they possibly can. Fear is a double edged sword that can control your whole life if you don’t manage it, but at the same time it is a powerful pushing force that can push people forward to accomplish great things. I think fear is one of the most important emotions we can have and it is not always a bad thing.