Good Afternoon,
I am sitting in a new coffee shop in Bloomsburg named “Fog and Flame”. One of my students just teased me saying, “just what you need, another coffee shop.” I guess there is a lot of truth to the statement that I am “a creature of habit”. I actually write the majority of my dissertation in a coffee shop. I have the majority of my office hours in coffee shops, and I guess there is something about being in the midst of things, while being in my own world at the same time. What I am realizing more and more is that I love my alone time. I am quite happy to go home and close the door, and even among all the people here, I am alone.
It is the 30th of June, which means another year is half gone. It is amazing to me. This was an interesting year in that I graduated from high school 40 years ago, college 30 years ago, seminary 25 years ago, and left Michigan Tech 10 years ago, and I am in my 5th year at Bloomsburg. That is a lot of multiples of five.
As I look around the room, my mind wanders and I wonder where people are in their lives and what seems important to them. Each face is a story, a narrative, one which has so many layers. Last week as I sat at Caribou (another coffee shop) in St. Paul I wrote some notes about what I saw and overheard. I had met with my longest childhood friend and his wife that afternoon and was waiting to meet a former student and her new husband. I pondered at what point does someone believe that life has passed them by, or does such a thing happen?
In my notes I wrote (trying to think about the descriptiveness of the moment and something I want my students to manage) a woman in her 20s who seemed to be either studying or reading for pleasure. She was tan and attractive and sat there trying to soak up sun and manage her reading with sunglasses on. Her legs were alarmingly attractive, tan, long and sensuous. There was another group of people who were engrossed in a conversation about family and they seemed unhappy, maybe even angry. Again, I was surprised to find myself looking at the one woman’s legs; she also had amazingly attractive tan legs and the wedge sandals she wore merely accentuated that beauty. Yet, the tone of her voice and the anger in her furled brow made her rather frightening. Then there was me . . . . can I be classified as “late middle-aged” or has that passed me by too. I am graying, perhaps mostly gray, and while I had lost a great deal of weight after surgery last year, I could afford to lose weight again. That needs to be a goal of the summer.
I pondered the idea of life passing one by . . . has it passed Lydia by as she now longer knows or remembers the present or the past? What a sad and terrible thing to observe. As I consider my niece, who is soon to be 40, is that middle age? I think perhaps it is. What about Rachael, who is 16: what does she expect her life will be? What I realize as I listen to my iTunes (The Brothers Johnson and “Strawberry Letter 23) I am reminded of when I was a student at Iowa State University and waiting tables for the new IowaState Chapter of the Alpha Phi sorority. There was a member there, who to this day, I will always think she was gorgeous. Her name was Karen, but to be fair, I will not provide her last name.
As I realize I am half-way through another calendar year, I am also at the beginning or the end of so many other things, and then again, in some places. I am half-way through. There is so much to do before the end of the summer. I think I will be relegated to lists and checking those lists often. In the meanwhile, today will be spent getting things ready for the beginnings of a new summer session and for some new students, the commencement of a very new time in their lives. They are not in the place where it has passed them by, but rather in the place where they are hoping to not get passed by. It is my duty to try to help them succeed in managing that.
Thanks for reading.
Michael
(The Writing Professor)
thewritingprofessor55 
Dr. Martin,
As I was reading this blog post from nearly 10 years ago, I was also comparing the ideas you were mentioning to my own life. Mentioning the idea of life passing one by without them realizing it was one that stuck out to me in particular as it is something that I feel that I have struggled with at the young age of 21. Some may say that I am not permitted to feel this way as if these feelings are gated behind an age barrier, however; I believe that anyone who has had opportunities that can only be experienced at a specific age can feel this way. For instance, throughout my High School career I never got to experience things such as hanging out with friends, or going to dances with the girl I liked so it does feel like in a sense that part of my life has passed me by. One of the things that I have taken from my experiences and thoughts, as I’m sure you have also taken from yours, is that I don’t want to let any other parts of my life pass me by.
Thank you for reading
Matthew Williams
Dr. Martin,
I also share a love of alone time. Alone time can be a time for self-reflection, introspection, and personal growth. It allows us to disconnect from the world, relax, and recharge our batteries. Alone time can also help us to develop our creativity and problem-solving skills by giving us the space and freedom to explore our thoughts and ideas. However, too much alone time can lead to loneliness and isolation, while too little can leave us feeling overwhelmed and stressed. This is something I quite often struggle with. In a perfect world, I could spend most of my time in my room without the fear of being judged as a loner, but alas my world is not perfect. Unfortunately, the fear of being judged for my life choices has me in shackles. I hope to one day overcome this and be able to live my life how I want.
It’s natural to feel curious about the people around us and wonder about their lives and experiences. Each person has a unique story, with its own set of joys, struggles, and triumphs. It’s a reminder that we are all interconnected and part of a larger human experience. It’s interesting that you took the time to write down your observations while sitting in a coffee shop. Noticing the world around us and reflecting on our experiences is a valuable practice that can help us gain insight and understanding about ourselves and others. The question you posed about whether someone can feel like life has passed them by is thought-provoking. It’s a common fear that many people have, particularly as they age or experience major life changes. However, my belief is that life is a continuous journey, and it’s never too late to pursue our dreams, goals, and passions.
Thank you,
Alenis Pena
As I read your post I realize that it has been another 10 years since you wrote this blog. While 10 years is certainly not insignificant to you, it is almost half of the time that I have been alive. While I am only just beginning my adult life, there are definitely things that I regret not doing. I try to remember that I have many more years left to do the things I want to do, although I suppose this mindset can be detrimental. Additionally, and somewhat tragically, this planet is simply too big to really “do it all.” I think that even if I had a thousand years to see the world, humanity creates and destroys incredible things every day, and it would still be impossible to experience everything. Regardless, I will try not to let these facts stop me from trying.
As I have mentioned at the beginning of this response, it has been an entire decade since you sat in Fog and Flame for what I assume was your first of many times to write this blog. You are now close to retirement and I understand that you plan to spend your last decades traveling and visiting new places. I hope that the feeling of life passing by becomes less and less familiar as you finally get to do some of the things you have always regretted not doing. I hope that you find a million new coffee shops and that you sit down in a few of them to write about the exciting places that your retirement has taken you.
Ben