Hello on another rainy evening in Pennsylvania,
While I asserted we needed some substantial rain back in April, when showers are expected, it is now mid-June and the showers, drizzle, downpours, and incessant forms of precipitation continue. There have been flood warnings more than once, and yet, on a positive note, things are as green as I ever remember in my 16 years here in Bloomsburg. I heard during this past weekend, which was complete with rain once again, that the last 14 weekends have been predominantly rainy.
The title above is a partial title of one of John Denver’s early albums, and each of the terms used are central to my life, to my piety, and central elements of my core. Prayer is such an interesting concept for some; for others it is a practice or habit; and yet for others, it is something that comes to mind when there is some crisis in their life. Promises, again, are conceptual for some, merely a hallow expression for others; and for some uttering a promise to another is a deeply moral contract of sorts. In either case, each term and the practice of either has taken both different forms and altered significance at various points in my life.
Prayers were early a part of my life, and something I remember even as a small child at my grandmother’s house, where my sister and I lived in our pre-school years. I remember kneeling and folding hands in that classic pose by my bed. I do not remember when I was taught that classic “Now I lay me down to sleep . . .”, but I do know that is the first prayer I can recall knowing. As I try to recollect what I must have believed or felt as that 2-3 year old, I think I probably believed it was not only a good or nice thing to do, but I am quite sure I believed my prayers were heard. As I got to my adopted house, and life was very different from the unconditional love I felt on Harrison Street, the prayer changed to something like “Keep me from getting spanked, and I promise I will never do it again.” In this circumstance, one had both the prayer and the promise. Perhaps the issues were multiple though . . . the request to avoid a spanking was a bit self-centered; certainly, the avoidance of accountability is worth noting; and finally, the sincerity of the promise was probably lacking when such a promise was made in the haste of the moment and the imminent reality that a yardstick was soon to meet my behind. Of course, to think a five or six year old had this all figured out is a bit of a stretch. I am not sure I could articulate my own piety about prayer until decades later.
I think the first time I ever prayed what I believed to be an unselfish prayer was when my older brother was in a coma following a fall at a construction site. As the husband of a 25 year-old, and the father of three young children all below the age of 5, I prayed that he might live (and I am pretty sure the prayer did not go beyond that). He would die from the brain injury, and at the time, I was disillusioned by what seems to be an ignoring of a genuinely thoughtful, unselfish, and appropriate request. Many years later, I believe my prayer was answered, and as importantly, answered in a manner that probably had the most gracious outcome for all. Eventually, mostly likely grounded in my seminary work, and solidified by my experience as a parish pastor, I now understand prayers are answered much like what a parent might do and say. Depending on the prayer and the circumstance, the answer could be in the affirmative, the negative, or then in a manner that is difficult for us. Perhaps the answer is a “not yet.” That answer predisposes we there are times we cannot handle the outcome of an affirmative answer at the moment. There are times where an opportunity to wait is prudent thing. In spite of ourselves, I believe what is best probably happens more often than not.
As noted, the promises made as a small child were often made in the stress of a moment, and while I was told about the importance of keeping a promise, the reality of that was seldom understood. As I write and ponder the when I perhaps understood the significance of keeping a promise, I am not sure I have a specific moment. And if I am to be honest, I think that change to working diligently to keep my promise or my word occurred much later than it should have. In fact, there is more than once I failed miserably. My father’s adage of “if you don’t have your word, you have nothing.” rings more true for me now than ever before in my life. Promises, I now realize, are often times not even spoken, but they occur in or through our actions. Being where you say you will be and on time is a promise. Following through on an obligation or plan with another is a promise. Too often, in an attempt to be kind or accommodating, I will offer something. Earlier in life, when I failed in my follow-through, I might have felt badly, somewhat guilty, but I am not sure I saw it as a promise broken. Even as I write this there is a list of a half dozen things I need to get completed because I said I would. To some extent, and more than I am often comfortable admitting, an unkept, a broken, promise is a lie. It not only creates a chasm between two people, it is hurtful and has consequence.
As I think back through my life, I know there has been both a transformation (that word again) and an inconsistency in my life when it comes to both praying and promising. I think over the last decade-plus, my intentional work to be more disciplined, more constant, good things have happened, but there is always room for growth, for improvement. It is something I am striving to manage more effectively, even now. The last three months have pushed me to work toward that improvement because I have been on the receiving end of that not happening in a few significant situations. And what made it even more profound was how the entity worked desperately to avoid accountability. That was stunning to me. Promises or even intentions should have a sense of genuineness to them, and when something occurs that results in a very different outcome, those involved need to communicate, to accept the reality and responsibility they might have. Within that response is fairness and integrity; within that response is hope and respect. As the summer is upon us, there is a lot on my plate, and as I finish this post, it is early morning, and I am in the airport. The next few weeks will be exciting, and they are needed. I pray for meaningful experiences, and I promise to post pictures.
Thanks as always for reading,
Michael
thewritingprofessor55 