Hello from the Former F&F, now Cafe Martha,
It’s a day off with an actual feeling of solitude, something that is difficult to come by as of late, and for a number of reasons. Retired life seems anything, but, and yet there is a freedom, even in the busyness of lately, perhaps because I know there is the power of choice. That always exists in reality, but often we abdicate too much of our own power to exercise it as freely as we might hope.
When I grew up I began singing at an early age, in church choirs, eventually school choirs and choruses, eventually in a quintet as a member of a Lutheran Youth Encounter (LYE) Team, college choirs, and select choirs where I participated in the Messiah and Brahm’s Requiem (twice – once in English and once in German). Learning to play guitar as a member of the team, I even had my own solo gig playing and singing. So music and vocal participation is engrained in who I am. And yet, perhaps my favorite music to sing is Lutheran Chorales. The harmonies, the significant contributions of each part, and the sound created is both beautiful and soul-stirring to me. The movement and interplay of the parts, the movement from major chords to diminishing chords, from expected progressions to the occasional Picardy Third always astounds. Time changes, the reciprocity of parts, and how the lyrics and the music complement the other give me both pause and solace.
And yet, the true beauty of any composition is the ability of the musicians to harmonize, both in terms of blend and tone. I remember the struggle of singing in one group where the person on one side of me had a propensity for singing on the bottom side of a note. The person on the other side did the opposite, seeming to be on the top side of the note. It felt like my ears were being pulled in opposite directions. Oh my goodness. And in an entirely different experience, I believe my LYE team had incredible blend and I believe we created an amazing sound.
However, the concept and consequence of harmony is applicable to a substantially wider array of elements beyond music. Harmony when related to life is working together in the same direction; creating a vision that is mutually agreed upon; establishing a process that accomplishes a shared goal. All of that seems logical, but implementing it is much more difficult. It matters not whether we are talking about an individual encounter or working within a group. I remember my senior pastor and colleague requiring our staff to take a personality inventory test. The intent was to better understand how each person thought, acted, and responded the way they did. As I look back, it was a profoundly wise thing to do. I ponder if it could be helpful in what I am working on now. In spite of my general lack of surprise by most anything now, I still try to understand why people act as they do. I have a pretty good handle on my own self at this point, and I am pretty astute at figuring out the other. Perhaps that is why I still struggle that we seem to work way too readily in a selfish manner versus a more reciprocating way. Often a lack of harmony is based on the fear of giving up power or control. I know this from my early life. It is certainly frightening to allow another influence when the result is unknown. It is easy to get caught up in the minutiae, and fear is a powerful motivator. The response to fear is often instantaneous, but the consequences are longer lasting.
Earlier in life, I spent an exhaustive amount of time trying to project my fragility, to make sure I was liked by everyone. Fragility is not wrong; it is normal. It also creates vulnerability, increasing our fragility, a seemingly terrible circle. Being liked or appreciated is not wrong, but when it is done at the expense of ourselves, it is problematic. It is amazing the pain I’ve endured as I look back upon the energy I put into things unattainable. Even now, as a person retired, it is important to question what is achievable, reasonable, manageable. It is true that my idealism is not as unfettered as it once was, but I still hold on to the hope that most will do the right thing, act in a manner that makes other’s lives better, be willing to live their lives in a benevolent way. I know these statements are all akin to the ideal. Part of it is I want to believe that most desire harmony. And while achieving it is difficult, I think maintaining it might be more challenging. Much like staying toned or in shape, one must nurture harmony. One must practice its maintenance. Perhaps the difficulty is knowing if and when it is obtained. A person with perfect pitch knows when harmony is achieved, but if only one in the group has it, getting to that place can be tough. Moreover, keeping it is exponentially tougher. And so it is in the other areas of life. What is the equivalent of perfect pitch in other harmonic attempts? Does such a thing even exist? I am not sure it does. Ponder for even a moment, at what point did your life seem to be in perfect balance, in a completely harmonic state? Too often, I think we are only aware of when it occurred after the fact. In other words, it was not maintained because we are seldom, if ever, aware of the possibility we actually had it. If I try to imagine a time of balance, I am not sure when or if that has ever occurred for a significant (or even a brief) period of time that I can easily recall it has such. Perhaps that is more of my own making than external forces, again something worth examining, but that is a rather grim realization. What is necessary for harmony?
There is a level of thinking (writing) out loud here, but perhaps the first element of harmony is internal – feeling content with who we are, with what we do, and with whom we are associated. That does not mean that everything is perfect, but we are generally positive with all that affects us. Second, I think the effect of external influences, everything from family and friends to our world and what occurs contributes to our own profoundly personal feelings of balance. As I grew up, my mother struggled to be happy, which was due to a number of issues, but I remember once writing, “She was not a happy person, for many understandable reasons, but it made life difficult.” Difficult is an incredibly understated word. The point is she affected everything and everyone, both with in her immediate proximity as well as even those further away. I have learned some of that in conversations with extended family and childhood friends in this past year. Her lack of balance, her inability to be harmonious was because of her own life experiences.
My point is simple. Harmony is both essential for living a comfortable and meaningful life, but it often seems unattainable or fleeting at best. And yet does that mean we should not strive for it? I believe harmony and balance are essential if my life is be beneficial and meaningful, not only for myself, but for those I meet. To maintain that harmony and balance, to develop a meaningful existence, I need emotional, physical, and spiritual health. For me, that requires intentionality; it requires time, thought, and support. Perhaps what is most significant as I ponder this is it is worth working toward. Second, it is something that requires consistent, and considerable, effort, but the results are worth it. Even as I write this I am facing issues of balance on multiple levels, but the desire to maintain balance is there Imagine?
Thank you as always for reading.
Michael
thewritingprofessor55 