Best of Intentions

Hello from the Family Restaurant,

It is almost a month since I began my trek back to Iowa with my loaded shuttle and the bug in tow. As I look at the process, there is progress on a number of fronts, but what one sees might belie the actual achievements. Likewise, settling in, managing daily needs (e.g. meds, daily basics, logistics), and imagining life in the coming weeks and months take up more time than anticipated. The past weeks I have been time reading the thoughtful reflections of other retired academics in the edited collection by my first chair, Dr. Susan Turin, titled Retiring Minds: Life After Work. Knowing some of the contributors makes it even more meaningful. It was humorous as I put names to some of the nameless references; it was optimistic seeing how involved and intentional some were following retirement; and it was poignant and gut-wrenching as the editor shared the dying journey of her husband. Life is all of these things to be certain.

I chose the word intentional in the previous sentence on purpose. There is certainly the cliché about a path and intentions, but I’ve thought a lot in the past month about how intentions affect both what we do and what we think. I wonder how often we carefully think about what we do and how it connects to our intent. In my more optimistic, idealistic moments I want to believe that normal people seldom intend to harm another. And yet, one does not have to look very far to see incredible amount of harm we inflict on the other. What allows for use maliciousness? It is merely accidental? I do not believe that is the case. Is it selfishness? Certainly one could make a case for that, but I see selfishness as more of an individual thing versus something societal, though I presently feel compelled to reconsider that position. While, in my humanness, I have moments where my anger might wish something less than beneficial to another, I have to really think hard as to when my actions might have been committed to intentionally cause another person harm. I did address a specific time in my life when my anger caused harm in a previous post, and those moments were due to my inability to manage my own hurt. Additionally, the consequences of those moments were significant.

What informs intent? That is something that needs some examination. Certainly words like goal, aim, or purpose come to mind. A bit of research, beyond the etymological, notes it is often used in legal or military situations. As someone who considers the rhetorical, I wonder how often our intent is more a sort of rhetorical (unspoken) element of who we are, or even more what we embody because of our life experience? Certainly in the legal realm, intent is an essential piece of the proceeding. In a military situation it is more the goal or aim of an action. It seems much more quantifiable. I am not sure our individual thoughts are generally so. And if I am correct, what creates the difference? I believe too often what we intend and what transpires does not logically follow. The quadratic equation does not occur as assuredly as it does in mathematics. Is there some sort of unrealistic expectation we hold when dealing with the other? Perhaps too often we expect of them what we fail to manage in ourselves. I think the holiday season is one of those times we most intend to do what is best for others. The number of requests I get either in the mail, online, by text, or social media asking that we give to those less fortunate is stunning. And yet it seems too often we forget their needs the rest of the year. Is the intent to do something good or to feel better about ourselves?

When I was growing up in Sioux City, I participated in the Sioux City Community Children’s Theatre, and our yearly gift to the community was our rendition of Dicken’s incredible story, but how many of us really know the intention of it? Dickens was asked to speak to a group known as Athenaeum to address some of the prominent issues in England (his address was in Manchester) at the time. Those issues included a working poor that was largely uneducated, powerless and exploited. The slums of the country continued to bred this poverty, and as a recognized successful novelist, he penned this famous tale in only six weeks (Britannica). Of course, in the infamous story, the rich needs to see how poor live or subsist. The issues of want from the one side (the Cratchit Family) and the ignorance on the other (Scrooge’s loss of compassion and his miserly attitude) are at the center and placing it in the season of giving makes it all that more distressing. Having participated in numerous seasons, and having parts from small parts to Bob Cratchit and eventually Scrooge himself, I still have many of the disturbing lines committed to memory. “What do you expect me to do, buy enough coal to heat the whole outdoors?” or ” A poor excuse for picking a man’s pocket every 25th of December?” – of course eventually he would say, ““I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.” The degree to which Scrooge transforms is, of course, miraculous, but it takes the work of both the human and those beyond. Sometimes, I wonder about the role of the Spirit, the spirit that we confess in our Creeds. As I grew up in a sort of Norwegian pietism (though I did not know it), the role of the 3rd Article was certainly downplayed. Furthermore, my experiences with 3rd Article dominant congregations scared me. It would not be until after seminary and during my time in parish ministry that I would grow to appreciate the significance of the Holy Spirit. Be it the spirits in Dicken’s Christmas tale or the gift of the Spirit that comes to us (most often in baptism – there is my Lutheran piety coming through). What I realize as I ponder the idea of intention is we are dependent on something beyond our own will.

Intent, even when we want to do well, often needs help, favorable circumstances, or more if the consequence is to be efficacious of all involved. I learned the hard way that standing on principle and doing the right thing can still lead to undesirable outcomes, particularly when there is a power differential. Telling the truth, even if it is mean to be merely honest and fair, does not always end well. Is it because we fail to consider intent or is it because we have different understandings of what is honest or truthful? Because we have different understandings of what we expect from doing the right thing? There are points in my life where my failures, in spite of intent, had profound consequence, and affect even now what has become of my life. That is not to say I am unhappy with how things are, but there were certainly some difficult times. Even recently, what was intended and how it turned out has created hurt and sadness. There is so much we can avoid if we merely step back and ponder, think, and consider the outcome before we speak or act. All too often the best of intentions are not enough. Seldom do things turn out exactly as we intend. And yet, does that mean we should quite trying? Certainly not as the Apostle Paul says again and again in the book of Romans. In fact, his certainly not is a command, not a suggestion. As we continue through this season of Advent, I am reminded of the joy that this season of preparation can impart to us, if only we allow. Much like Scrooge’s proclamation at the end of Dicken’s tale, “I will honour Christmas in my heart . . .” It is when our hearts are pure, when we are willing to love the other as ourself that intent might actually do what we hope. As we are now in the third week of Advent, the candle for the week is the candle of Joy. Joy is infectious, and it can change lives. If we meet others with a joyful heart, the result is palpable. While the song below is not a Christmas song, and it speaks about the difficulty that our best laid plans can face, I remember when this song first came out. Travis Tritt did a lot for the veterans and his trilogy of videos did a great deal for those who struggled with PTSD and other things veterans often face. I wish you all a week of joy.

Thank you as always for reading and I wish you a wonderful end of the year.

Michael