Hello from the farm,
After a number of missed departure dates, managing hurricanes, freight companies, and other unexpected events, I have made it to Mallard, IA. and my dear cousin’s and husband’s farm. It is not my first time here, as they have been gracious to host me before, but this time is for an extended period. The anticipated bus-build begins. I arrived yesterday, after a 2 1/2 day drive of a little over 1,200 miles. It was uneventful for the most part, but driving a 1999 Ford E350 Shuttle, and pulling the Beetle, is a tad different than anything I have done for a while. The last time I was towing things around, it was it a 5 Ton with a 155 Howitzer in the Marine Corps, and I was 50 years younger. There might be a couple of other minor issues (perhaps an injector control pressure sensor or oil pressure sensor). I also learned about how low I am willing to allow the gas tank to get. However, I am here and today, I am getting my bearings a bit and then it is on to getting things accomplished.
It was certainly fall as I headed across Iowa, the majority of crops were harvested and the fields empty. The second half of yesterday’s drive was cold and rainy, but that is certainly better than snow. The trees are mostly bear, and it reminds me of that sort of normal pre-Thanksgiving weather I knew as a child before we would go to the relative’s farm in South Dakota. I am sure there is a lot of pheasant hunting going on as the season began about a month ago. As I ponder today, I am reminded that today is my sister’s birthday. It is still stunning at times to believe she has been gone since that April day almost 16+ years ago. There is so little we are actually prepared for when it come to big picture. I spent some time on Tuesday night actually working on some of this with my niece (access to things, decisions, and yet, what happens if something happens to me). When Kris passed there was nothing in place. That was difficult for everyone. That is not an uncommon occurrence, as I remember from when I was a pastor. People do not like to have those conversations. Today, is a going through mail, managing a couple of other issues with logistics, and making sure I have all the things in place.
One of my favorite movies, in spite of some of the issues with Mr. John Keating, is Dead Poets Society. Certainly the 1950s are a different time than what happens in either preparatory schools or colleges and universities today, but pushing critical thought and thoughtful analysis is very important. Part of the title is the Latin phrase that Mr. Keating shared with his students, Carpe Diem (Seize the Day). It seems like a simple adage, but it is not such an easy thing to accomplish. We get caught up in the routine of our lives, and too often we become the epitome of the tail-wagging-the-dog. It is easy to believe we are the victim of circumstances, either immediate or long-term, but seldom is that true. We choose to be the wagged dog. We choose to feel victimized by our circumstances. I am well aware of the differences in personalities and how we are more “wired” to manage our lives in a specific style or manner, but I do not believe we are pre-determined in how we end up or what we can or cannot do. There is incredible pressure in our world to know what we want, where we are going, and how we are going to pay to get there, and most of that begins far too early in people’s lives. When I left Sioux City as a 17 year old, I have little idea where I was headed, with the immediate destination of MCRD. Even when I left my tour of duty, coming back to Sioux City was merely a stopping place. In the 40 years, which is the last time I spent more than a month there, I have traveled the world, changed professions, was married and divorced (twice), and achieved some status in my profession and retired. And there were moments, events, and situations where needing to seize the moment was inescapable and necessary. During those times I allowed someone to take charge of me, the consequence was generally less than optimal (e.g. a Bishop, a former spouse, a Dean, a President – of an educational institution). And yet, each time, I was able to pick myself up and imagine what next, to dream of a new possibility. That did not always happen instantaneously. There were some dark moments. Indeed, there were times I felt overwhelmed and directionless, but it is not necessary to remain in that space. It requires an inner-fortitude that refuses to quit. I am not sure where that came from or how I managed to hold on to it with such tenacity.
Part of it is an unfailing belief in the possibility of hope. While I do not believe I am an idealist (earlier in life, that accusation or claim would’ve been more accurate), I am still an optimist. I want to believe in some innate goodness in our corporate identity. What I realize (and even more so in the last days), there will always be those who believe in the good and bad of something. There will be those pleased and displeased with how things turn out, but we all still dream and hope of something better, something more satisfying, something where possibility can become reality. I have pondered the idea of place and identity for most of my life, and my next adventure is taking the time to ponder both. Recently, while going to the movies (I saw the new movie, Conclave.), Nicole Kidman, who has been doing PSAs for AMC Theaters offered another one. She notes that we come to the theater “for magic – not just entertained, but somehow reborn – stories feel perfect and powerful, because here, they are.” I am not sure I will be always entertained during the coming months because I believe the learning curve will be significant, but it is an opportunity for learning a lot of practical skills that are significant for life in general. I think I will be looking at a lot of YouTube and doing a lot of researching. Some of that was part of this morning. I know the process for the build will be something outside my wheelhouse, but I will be watching the process of others, asking questions, and listening to my cousin’s husband, whom I believe is quite knowledgeable about all sorts of things I am not. Additionally, we will learn together. If you think about the second movie mentioned in the title here, “If you build it, they will come . . .” is the mantra that Ray listens too, much to the chagrin of many. I must say people have either looked at me with a degree of wistfulness or some with a greater degree of “you are a bit crazy.” This was particularly the case when I worked diligently at selling most all I owned. In the movie, the watchers are reminded “people will come for their dreams; they will come for the peace of days remembered; they will come to watch their heroes.” It is a dream for sure to be here building something that is still conceptual to some degree. Taking a trip to another place once it is operational is also a dream of sorts. Some of my best memories are coming together as I land (at least temporarily) in Mallard. My girl cousins are some of my most blessed memories from my childhood. It was not only the incredible joy of six sisters, but the kindness of their parents, Don and Virginia. They were always so supportive. I took that for granted for too long. Perhaps it is because of their enduring kindness, which I have experienced these last few years that gives me the trust that in these cornfields, much like a baseball diamond, a rather non-descript 1999 Ford shuttle that someone latex painted will turn into an incredible tiny home on wheels. Assuredly, there is a need for a vision of the possible. There is the practicality of making what is imagined something that will be usable. It requires my willingness to depend on those who know more than I do, but not merely in a way that I stand back and watch. I need to be involved; I need to get my hands dirty. I need to fill my mind with a new skillset that is both thinking and doing. I am quite excited, though I know there will be moments of frustration and times I feel quite inadequate. What the last months have taught me is while there are regrets, I cannot change what has happened, and wallowing in regret eliminates hope, which is essential to life. I think hope is what makes us unique in creation. We can imagine the possibilities. We can fathom the unfathomable. My days are becoming a combination of two movies: one from my life as a professor and what it meant (and will be) to seize the moment; the second returning to my Midwestern roots and believing in the dream that life holds adventure and possibility. Regardless our past we are capable to moving forward and living with a sense of hope and progress. Amazing what Ethan Hawke did in his first movie . . . little did he know where it would all take him.
Thank you for always as reading.
Michael (the wandering, learning, builder)
thewritingprofessor55 