Hello at the end of a busy, but beautiful, fall weekend,
Slowly, but consistently, things are coming together for my finishing up my time in Bloomsburg. However, things seems to occur both unexpectedly and consistently that thrown the proverbial wrench into my planned process. As I noted in my previous post, there is so little I have power over. My transmission is back in Florida, but there is little that is happening there as they prepare for the devastation of yet another hurricane. Additionally, there seems to be a bit of a curse over my owning of my beloved Beetles, as Bella, the latest of the bugs as been hit twice within a month requiring more body work, which will take additional time. Perhaps there is something good to all of this, but I am not sure what it is. It is providing more time to manage some other things, so perhaps that is the proverbial silver lining in all of this.
In my moments that offer some respite from the daily tasks that require my attention, I have been looking through fifteen years of photos taken around the globe, which were taken during my time in Bloomsburg. There are some reoccurring themes that come to the fore as I peruse the images snapped (mostly on my various phones). Fall colors, winter scenes, Christmas, sunsets across the water, or flowers are predominate. Each of them offer a different perspective on beauty, and each of the themes are not based on a human being, though that is where I think this post is eventually headed. What constitutes beauty? Who decides? It is always subjective or is there something innate? These are things that run through my mind as I ponder the concept of beauty. Indeed there is both an objective and subjective aspect of this integral term that has such power for us as humans. While beauty has both Greek and Roman historical aspects, through time, and as recently as the 18th century, David Hume noted,”Beauty is no quality in things themselves: It exists merely in the mind which contemplates them; and each mind perceives a different beauty”(1757). Immanuel Kant, in his work, The Critique of Judgment, asserted, “The judgment of taste is therefore not a judgment of cognition, and is consequently not logical but aesthetical, by which we understand that whose determining ground can be no other than subjective (italics in original)” (1790). Edmund Burke, a contemporary, would assert, “by beauty I mean, that quality or those qualities in bodies, by which they cause love, or some passion similar to it” (1757). I think for me, this might be where the concept as well as my “feeling” about beauty finds the most tangible reality.
It is something that moves me in the very core of my being, and yet it seems sometimes that can be a thing, something which is momentary. It is fleeting or dependent on a number of factors that come together in an instant. If that is true, can anything be beautiful? If it is momentary, what connects those moments to make beauty something that lasts or affects my spirit? I think about how often beauty is about emotion, about incidences, about physicality, about experience. What allows beauty to transcend any of these and provide something more consistent? What I have realized about myself (and I am not convinced this is an attribute) is often my response to beauty is unexpected, unanticipated, and more significantly ephemeral. I am okay with the first two aspects, but not so comfortable with the last of the three. I know there is an aesthetic to beauty for me, and that is about anything – item, element, situation, or person – I deem having beauty. What I know is beauty gives me hope; it moves my soul, and it can often leave me in tears. Perhaps that is what is most significant to me. It moves my entire being to believe there is something beyond us that provides a goodness. When I look at the changing colors of the Pocono Mountains that are where I now live, there is a profound ability to move me, to believe in the possibility of something beyond myself. When I see the beauty in the stark whiteness of a winter blizzard, there is a purity and cleansing that reminds me of something beyond what we see. The infinite colors, forms, and hues that are revealed in the flowers from early Spring until the mums and asters of the late fall provide a color wheel that is beyond anything we ourselves can create. And yet these are examples that have nothing to do with the physical human.
As I reach a place in my life, questioning to some extent, how I have been single for a quarter of a century, and for all of a quarter of a century in the first third of my life, wondering if or how that could change, I seem to be examining what I found, or find, beautiful. With a critical and serious consideration of the who and/or when such a belief occurred, there does seem to be a couple of connecting threads. The physical attributes are a beginning, which does, I believe, make me quite normal. However, I believe I move on to the intellectual and emotional attributes rather quickly. That is not to say that physical attraction ever disappears, but rather I imagine our perception of the external characteristics changes as we age and change ourselves. What I do find rather consistent is an attraction to more diminutive, but strong, women. I think those who exude a rather plain take-home-to-mom, but still surprisingly seductive sense intrigue me. Why would or might I confess this? It is more to explain my perception of beauty than anything. There is something to be said for aging gracefully, for having pride in one’s appearance, that is also head-turning to me. And then, having a playful and positive attitude does a great deal to enhance one’s beauty.
The attitude is integrally connected to one’s ability to think critically about the world, readily question issues that matter, and a willingness to engage in thought and conversation about things that give them pause are essential to enhancing one’s beauty, at least for me. Being passionate about the beliefs and values they hold dear is also significant. When one engages with the world thoughtfully and intentionally, I believe they slow the aging process. If our minds remain younger, I believe our physical bodies remain younger. As I have noted to some of the gentlemen I share mornings with, I have been carded more than once as of late when I attempted to claim a senior-citizen discount. While I suppose that is a compliment, my immediate reaction is something more akin to “Damn!! Now I am getting carded at both ends of my life!” I do believe that being aware, being involved, and being thoughtful of the world does a lot to keep me feeling and thinking more carefully and consciously than I would had I not been involved with 18-23 year olds for the last three decades. What a unexpected and undeserved blessing. While it might have taken a toll on my eyes, it has helped me evolve; it has helped me ponder and reconsider things that moved me far beyond the NW Iowa boy I was. That is in no way a diss toward my upbringing, either in geography or philosophy. The foundation I received in my Westside/Riverside formative years is something for which I am eternally grateful. Additionally, it is something that I am still coming to understand. There is always a profound thread that connects the various timeframes of our life. We are products of our history, be it in our individual families or the reality of our geographic polis. However, we need not feel victimized by it, though often we find it easy to blame that. I wonder how that life experience has informed my understanding of beauty?
Attempting to understand that, I think back to my first crushes on others, those elementary moments we thought our classmate was the most wonderful, beautiful person in the world. Those times when we hoped we might get to sit next to them, that they might notice us. I was not that noticeable person, as I saw it, though just in the last couple days I found my second and third grade report cards. It was interesting to see what my teachers wrote about me. Often looking younger, being smaller, and struggling to know where I belonged has affected my perception of many things. I am aware of that, but it is only recently that I found myself considering how it affected my perception of others, not merely at that time, but even now. I think there is more consistency to what I have understood about or felt toward others, particularly those I found attractive. certainly, my small stature affected I perception of not only what I thought about others, but it also affected what I believed they thought of me. Often I was the sort of nice little brother at best, and perhaps the mascot at worst. I admired what I found attractive from a distance because I had no confidence they could be interested in me. That perception existed until I was in my mid-20s. Even then, though I was older than most of the people around me, I still lacked any courage or conviction that they could have a reciprocal interest in me. Furthermore, when they were, I was unprepared for such a response. When a person showed significant interest, my general response was one of fear. As I think about it, their beauty was something to be admired from a distance, in a sort of abstract or artistic manner. The consequence was a serious lack of understanding for me, which, of course, was both unexpected and confounding to them. I am sure that is, in part, why being single for a quarter of a century has been manageable for me. Even now, when I find someone amazing, I am generally for a loss of words (unless I found them in an elevator :), and you know who you are). For me there is a purity in the beauty I see in others. There is a goodness. Perhaps because I find such an aesthetic something that comes naturally. I think of a couple of people I have known since they were in their 20s and are now in their 30s and 40s. They are as attractive (and probably more so), and they seeming do little to maintain that. Much of it is who they are as well as their appearance.
Perhaps what I understand more clearly at this point in my life is the subjectivity of our understanding of beauty, but also the totality of what creates a sense of beauty for me. It is everything about the person that extends far beyond the initial attractiveness that might turn our heads or affect our hearts. Beauty is enhanced and maintained through experiences we share with the other. Seeing beauty in the midst of our life events is not always easy, that is most certainly true, but it is essential if we are to understand the true comprehensive nature of what constitutes beauty. I am blessed to know some profoundly beautiful people, and those same two (noted above) in particular continue to bless me from a distance. Both are former students, now amazing mothers, incredible professionals, unparalleled in their goodness, and two who have allowed me to know them now for decades. They both give me hope; they provide me with a sense of happiness; and I am excited to see where their lives will lead them. Managing the gifts we are given is not always something we do well. I pray that I will do this better as I continue along this trek I have been blessed to have. A couple of years ago, I used the show, Glee, to help my students explore their identities. I am still amazed at what Ryan Murphy created and developed in this incredible group of high school choristers. The complexity of relationships and managing beauty comes out clearly in this video.
Thanks as always for reading.
Michael
thewritingprofessor55 