Hello from All Star Bagel Shop in Lewisburg,
I have come over here before, and twice in the last month to get away and hide a bit. Lewisburg is an incredible little borough on the banks of the Susquehanna as well as the home of Bucknell University. I have a blessed friend who is employed here, and a couple of other people I know. The quaint shops, nice restaurants, and the care given for all aspects of town is evident in every direction. And the bagels here arae quite wonderful as well. It is a nice respite to disappear into some relative obscurity at times. There is a comfort in doing what I do, thinking about what I find important to consider at the moment, and even disappear into the world of sound in my Airpods, the music I sometimes return to as well as learning new possibilities. We are into the typical fall days of the hills and nearby mountains of Pennsylvania. While there are some small hints of autumn in the trees, green is still predominant. However, the mornings are crisp, and the need for long-sleeves at the minimum, which of course turn to warm (and moderately hot) afternoons which scream you are overdressed. And yet it is my favorite time of the year. I have always enjoyed the beginning of fall and the return to the classroom. One particular fall I remember was my first foray into the academy as a student. I was in Ames, Iowa, and I remember the beauty of the fall, the colors of the trees, the streets teaming with students, and the incredible vibrancy of the streets as I walked from the Towers to campus. Perhaps that is one of the things that drew me to teaching (not merely Ames, but school in general). While there are some elements I am missing this fall, I must say I am quite content to be required to do only what I decide. It is still a strange feeling, but I am adapting.
On of the albums that has shown up on my playlist as of late is Don Henley’s classic, The End of Innocence. The title song was co-written by Bruce Hornsby, which is readily evident. I remember when it came out, as I was already aware of his work with the Eagles, his duet with Stevie Nicks, or his other collaborative catalog. His song “The Boys of Summer, of course, became synonymous with the Olympic Men’s Gymnastics team, However, the title song from the above mentioned album rings true for me in so many ways as we consider our current world. Even in my somewhat difficult childhood, when I was outside the house, I found a comfort in the people of my neighborhood, my childhood friends and those individuals I refer to (even today) as surrogate parents. The Sopocis, the Reeses, the Goedes (those who grew up with me will recognize those names). What were my best defenses at the time? Trying to stay below the radar even when I was in sight. Trying to do what was necessary to avoid any disproportionate response, and looking forward to church things or other events that would allow me to find solace in the midst of others. I am not sure I ever had a “happily ever after,” but I probably wished for one. I remember laying my “head back on the ground” when I was in my grandmother’s yard. From her house on the hill, you could look out and see the grain towers of the Jolly Time Popcorn Company. As a little boy, I did not know what they were, but I imagined they were the streets of heaven. That was before the “end of my innocence.”
I am not sure where innocence failed me. I can think of moments where it was definitely dented and dinged, but when did it really disappear? Was it when my sister ran away for the first time in 3rd grade because she was afraid of the punishment she would receive because of her report card? Was it two years later when she ran away again, this time jumping on freight train, hoping to find her (our) father? Was it the first time I was told I was not deserving of being an adopted person, that I would grow up to be a nobody? As an elementary school person, and one smaller than most everyone else, what I know now is that had more consequence than I realized. It affected my sister and me (for her the remainder of her days). While I have come to terms with those things in many ways, I think there are still fundamental ways it influences my understanding of others as well as myself. I wonder about the concept of innocence. Certainly there is the legal idea of blamelessness, and while I think by extension there is a relationship here, it is not what I believe to be most significant. There is the idea that one has no malice (this is both a sort of sociological idea for me as well as a religious concept. Sometimes, I think that is more how I look at it generally. There is the idea that one tries to be harmless when it comes to their relationship with another. In my more idealistic moments, I find myself gravitating toward this. It reminds me of Luther’s dialectic of simultaneously saint and sinner. The lack of malice is really the thing that I feel was what was the most significant thing I lost at some point. The hurt of that time turned into sadness, and sometimes it would evolve into bitterness. I did so much to try to stay away from the negativity, but even if it was not apparent on the surface, it found its way into my being like an insidious infection. And much like some infections, I was not cognizant that it was always there, lurking in the background, ready to erupt at times when least expected. Sometimes, I hoped for some prescription that could vanquish that hurt once and for all, but I have learned there is no such thing. We want that miracle, but too often we stand in the way of the miraculous possibility of some cleansing gift, some hope for a washing that might create a new purity.
One of the things I find most mesmerizing is watching a small infant or child (months old and still not verbal). I ponder what they are absorbing with their eyes as they look at everything around them. There is an innocence and purity in their gaze, the opportunity to take it all in without preconceived notions about what it is. Perhaps there is a reason our eyeballs are their true size at birth. It allows for taking in as much as possible from the outset. As I find myself with more time to imagine and ponder, as I have downsized to the point that some believe I have lost my wits, I am feeling more free, unfettered, and content than I have for ages. If things go according to plan, even more the most part, I plan to be out of Bloomsburg a month from today. That will be a significant change. . . . at the moment, some time has passed since I began this. The majority of the blog has been written this afternoon, and I am sitting in Fog & Flame, another coffee shop, and as I look out at another beautiful autumn afternoon and looking up Main Street, there is a hint of color on the trees that line the roadway. The bug is sitting on the street in front of F&F and the top is down. It’s been a wonderful week of fall weather as well as a busy week of events, some planned way back in the Spring. Next week seems to be more of the same. . . .
It’s Saturday and best laid plans of finishing this flew by the wayside. Wednesday and Thursday were spent driving almost 22 hours in total to see a 2 1/2 hour WNBA game between the Indiana Fever and the Las Vegas Aces. Seeing Caitlin Clark play at the next level, and seeing Kate Martin, though she did not play, was a sort of proud Iowa Hawkeye moment. what was most endearing was to listen to the crowd and observe and hear women from 3 to 83 cheer on their team. There were two elementary girls behind me and their passion, and even their basketball acumen, were incredible. The Fever did not win, but it was a wonderful experience. Yesterday, I was asked to present to the faculty of an area school my understanding of AI and its appropriate use in the public school classroom. The response was very positive. Last night, I drove to Wilkes Barre for a rally with Vice President Harris. It was an invitation only, and I did not have a ticket, but the atmosphere on the Wilkes University campus was electric. Again to see so many people about town there who could not get into the venue was heartening. Again I saw men and women of all ages supporting our democratic process. There was a smattering of former President Trump supporters (and I stood observing for a bit and no one bad-mouthed them – which is how it should be) as well as some pro-Palestinian protesters. Again, people were respectful.. Today, I am invited to the Bloomsburg football game and tomorrow it is off to Lancaster to officiate a wedding on Monday. In all of this, there is a goodness, perhaps an element of purity. From the joy of a small girl cheering on their basketball heroine to hoping for democracy to work, from those believing college is their way forward to two wonderful people beginning their lives as a married couple, I am reminded of my father’s response when I asked him about how retirement was going for him. He responded, “I am so busy, I’m not sure where I found time to go to work.” I think I understand. Certainly, it is still different. There is an innocence on my part as I move into this new world. So much to learn, imagine, and still do. Perhaps it’s merely an extension of what has always happened, but with much less stress. I like it.
Thanks as always for reading.
Michael (the retired version)
thewritingprofessor55 