Hello from my seat on another Flight,
At various moments, and even when traveling, I have been known to spend my time by writing, and often my writing occurs when I am puzzled, when I am concerned, or perhaps, when I am frustrated by something or someone. The choice to write is how I attempt to make sense of the non-sensical, and one need look no farther (or further) than reading the daily headlines, listening to the talking heads, or hoping to figure out what compels students to do what they do, to realize the non-sensical is the norm rather than the exception.
When people learn that I have been in a college classroom for three decades, the first question I am often asked is “Are students different than when you first began teaching?” And of course, their interrogative tone assumes I will answer yes, and that my thoughts about differences are pejorative in nature. The question itself is problematic because it is so vague and open ended, and yet, I believe, in spite of their hope I will confirm their suspicions about Gen-Whatever, the question still has some validity. As I think about possible responses to this, I decided to consider specific moments in the time period my career covers. Even when considering specific students, there is always a cultural, contextual, and historical element to my evaluation. Additionally, there are the societal expectations of the reality the great majority of students grew up believing they should attend college. In spite of my role, or perhaps because of my role, as a college professor, I do not believe college is the best choice, the one-size-fits-all, for every 18 year old. More importantly, my rationale for such a statement is complex, but it does include issues of maturity, finance, and intelligence.
And yet, going back to the Fall of 1992, I found myself, albeit unexpectedly, in a role as a campus pastor and instructor at a junior college. I have noted in earlier posts that the position was a complex one, and yet many of my struggles with the overlapping aspects of that job were of my own making. However, I had some incredibly capable students there. There was also a breadth beyond what I ever imagined in how they came into their first year as students, in their understanding of what was expected of them, or how they conducted themselves in their first foray into independence. Having completed my own undergraduate studies at a liberal arts college, I thought I understood what I would face, but I was wrong. I had little idea of how to straddle the role of campus pastor, instructor, church relations, and someone going through a divorce. I made significant errors in judgment, and yet, I was blessed with some really good people, and by the grace of God, I think some positive results occurred. I can say that with some certainty because I am still in contact with some of them.
What I remember is there was an incredible sort of divide between traditionally aged students and those who were working on their AARN, those who came back, hoping to create a more successful life for themselves. The needs of the two groups of students was profoundly different, and I experienced because of my role as the campus pastor. I would leave that position, and soon found myself back in the role of graduate student again, and also trying to figure out who I was. Single, supply preaching, on my own in a profoundly different way, I was much like the proverbial fish-out-of-water. My counselor at the time (and he would be so for 6 years) was well aware of my struggles, and he once stated, “You are quite good at managing your professional life, but your personal life is quite the mess.” He was both insightful and honest. Being a graduate teaching instructor was quite a change from being the campus pastor, and weekends in the pulpit and weekdays in a composition or technical writing classroom had me feeling a bit divided, to say the least. To make sense of it all, I returned to things I understood, playing my guitar and doing Friday and Saturday gigs, and waiting tables to support the poor graduate student I was. Of course, there were other things that complicated life, another relationship, a bishop, and a lifestyle (for those who work food and beverage this is no surprise) that was injurious to my liver and my self-respect.
I would work my way through a loss of a parent, the loss of an ordination, and the failure of another marriage. I would lose a house, all my retirement savings, and find myself back in Houghton with yet another opportunity to finish my PhD a second time. And yet, in spite of my basic intelligence, my common sense was often on vacation. Still once again, by God’s grace and some supportive mentors and friends, some bosses, their spouses, and even some fellow students, I persevered, kept it together well enough to complete my studies. The students at Michigan Technological University were incredibly capable students, and at moments, I believe it was their desire for excellence that spurred me, raising the bar for me, both in the classroom and in my own studies. The reality of my own health and its frailty was also something that forced me to make better choices. I realize that as I look back.
Perhaps the greatest difficult of that period was the constant juxtaposition I found in myself. I was a 40-something in a world of 20-somethings, I had graduate degrees, but was working on another. I was lonely, but did not know how to manage it, and I was still trying to determine where it would all go. There have been numerous times where I have surmised that many of my struggles were because of a simple (or at least a singular) issue. While the reasons for it were complex, the fact was the various parts of me never seemed to be in the same chronological place. One part of me was still the 4 year old wishing to feel safe. Another was that adolescent who always felt smaller, younger, less capable than my classmates or friends. Yet another wished I had gone through life the normal way (whatever that is) and that I had completed college on time, that the person I had married out of college would have stayed married, had a family, and yes, lived the happily ever after. Perhaps that had me in my 20s or 30s. Again, somehow, I was behind, underdeveloped, underprepared, and less capable. And yet, I was still blessed by others and my sense of resiliency maintained.
I would find myself in Wisconsin in a first tenure-track position. I have written about some of this recently in a posting about a colleague there who had recently passed away. As I got there I thought things would fall into place, but again, my idealism would soon be dashed. My need to fit in, my desire to find those whom I could trust, and yet again, even my foolishness would undermine me. And yet, my time in Menomonie did more than perhaps anytime in my life to close all the gaps that life had created. The chronological disjointedness, the non-sensical choices that too often sabotaged my progress, would finally begin to be replaced. In spite of a Dean, one determined in McConnell sort of a way to make me a one-term individual, there were those who supported me. In my first year, a single mother for whom I retrieved a cookie for her daughter trusted my intentions to support her academic journey. A young incredibly brilliant and talented art student, one who would eventually live in my little carriage house, taught me so much about goodness. A third, who is now 40 and dear to me beyond words, blessed me in ways too many to count. Even those students I failed to work with successfully were important.
And that is only the beginning. Colleagues (one who mentored me beyond Stout into my position in Pennsylvania), dear next-door-on-the-circle colleagues who helped me realize a move might be the best thing ever, and the one who is now the most trusted friend I could ever hope to have, the one who supported and created the possibility for me to leap, contributed to where I am. Restaurateurs, individuals in my church, and others helped me manage those Wisconsin years and welcomed me as I returned to assist the person who probably single-handedly changed my life. And in terms of welcoming me back, a colleague one who began their tenure at Stout when I did became a friend as I was leaving; now 15 years, she and her husband are some of the dearest friends I have. I am often stunned by the seeming reoccurrence the connectedness of people and places. And this is more than the Six Degrees of Separation. It is much more about realizing what you have done, what you have said, or what you experienced can always come around later in life. Consequences have the ability to be timeless, and sometimes that is problematic, and it can be painful.
As I move toward the next phase of my life, I find that I have many more things to be grateful for than I have to regret. I know that is most certainly a blessing. Even as I am in the last days of a last academic year, I continue to learn about the realities of our present world. It could be easy to be disillusioned as yet another experience with students has illustrated their self-centeredness, but more importantly, it provides an opportunity to be gracious. I will serve them and myself better if I choose kindness. Earlier today, I meet a colleague from another department, another college, someone I have never met before, but incredibly brilliant and well versed in our world. We had a wonderful chat about Europe and languages, about travel and other cultures. And as importantly, I have another connection in Europe, and to places I have hoped to travel. As we fly toward the end of the semester, the reality of life, the reality of consequence, and the reality of its all process are in focus. As I sit on the back deck of La Malbec, the sun warms my face and arms, but as importantly, it warms my soul. And with such a day, I am again aware of how much there is to do, both in the immediate (yet today or tomorrow), the near (the next month or two) and beyond (next fall). As I flew home this week, I watch the movie, Children of a Lesser God. My working with ASL students this semester has opened my eyes in ways I could have ever imagined, and yes, ironically, opened my ears to sounds and ideas never known.
Thank you as always for reading.
Dr. Martin
thewritingprofessor55 
Hello!
I can understand how difficult it must have been to be going through as much as you had been. I feel that in every aspect of life, there are always things that could have made it better or things that one wishes they could redo, but I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. When terrible things are happening in our lives, we tend to try to rationalize why this is happening to us, but if those terrible things would not have happened, we would not be where we are today. Everything that happens over the course of a person’s lifetime is what truly makes that person who they are. I am sorry that you had to deal with all of those things happening at the same time, it must have been very difficult. It is important though to be proud of the person that you have become and how far you have made it. Going through tough times and still becoming successful in one’s career is something that many find difficult to do. I feel as though the intended audience of this piece is to motivate others to say that even though you are going through tough times, you still are able to do big things in life. Life does not end after one wrong decision or action (for the most part). It is good to hear that you had many people in your corner there cheering you on and supporting you through each hardship that you faced. Having people in your circle when life gets rough is incredibly important in order to help cope and heal from what you went through. This semester has taught me a lot about college and life in general and I am grateful for that. I hope you have a happy retirement and thank you for sharing!
Good evening, Dr. Martin!
You always have such detailed and moving experiences to share. Your life is truly like no other I have seen before. I appreciate your vulnerability, it is admirable for many do not feel open enough to share these deep pieces. I believe your mention of resilience in your life is so accurate, it is also a very admirable personality trait that many strive for. It is quite challenging to be an individual that wears so many figurative hats, especially in leadership roles. I truly appreciate your transparency of how life really can be challenging at times and the irony of God has always fascinated me.
I apologize for my lack of virtual presence in these blogs; it has been my loss for sure. I deeply appreciate your perspective of the world and so truly wish to sit down and have a coffee to listen to some more of your stories. I love the wisdom that you have collected over the years and wish you so many blessings as you move onto your new chapter in this beautiful life. May God bless you in all his comedic ways and may you soak in all the glory.
Hi,
I enjoy hearing as you recount the trials, good and bad, that you experienced in life. I have actually been considering this heavily over the past few days. Earlier this week, I got a call that my great uncle – someone who was very much a close grandfather figure in my life – was dying and not expected to make to this weekend. I ended up traveling home on Thursday of this week and was thankfully able to spend the last three days with him. In this time, I asked him a lot about his life – both the good and the bad. Unfortunately, many people in my life, including some who have passed, are/were very scared of the idea of death. Because of this, and past experiences I’ve had, I have also come to share this fear. My great uncle, however, isn’t scared at all and even spent his energy these past few days cracking jokes about it. I asked how he was so comfortable with the idea, and he echoed something similar to what you wrote here. He had a rough life with many unexpected twists and turns, but ultimately, has more things that he is grateful for and proud of than regrets. His life wasn’t perfect, on the whole, it was good – so could he is comfortable with the idea of passing on. This has been hitting hard for and causing me to think about how I’ve living my own life and what I am putting energy into. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but we can live it in a way that in the end, we are satisfied. I think while I have room to improve, on the whole, I have been. I hope you share this sentiment, and as you near this next chapter of your life, feel this satisfied about your experiences up until now. From the blog posts I’ve read, you have so much to be proud of.
Kalie
Good Evening Dr. Martin,
I agree with this blog post and how you feel from going from one place to another and going to college as an older student like myself, that isn’t the traditional eighteen year old. I was out of school for about 4-5 years before I chose to go back to college. Whether or not I feel that was the right choice or not, it was still a choice. I honestly believe that we are all on our own timelines, so whether you are 18, 23, or 40 it doesn’t matter. We all live different lives and all have different experiences. In one place you might feel lonely and out of place, but the next place you travel to, you might feel at home, and you want to stay there the rest of your life, and just like that, boom! You meet great mentors, and you find yourself a home where you can advance yourself and learn with everyday that comes along. Life can really change in a heartbeat, whether good or bad. Also I truly believe that if life isn’t challenging, you aren’t working towards something. Life should be challenging, and you should find something out of your comfort zone that makes you work hard. That’s the beauty of life!
Happy late night from my apartment bedroom. I had quite a busy day, but now I am able to unwind and respond to a discussion post before I head to bed. I find that reading your posts and responding to one before bed is very calming because it helps to get a lot of my overthinking thoughts out of my head. I often find it hard to unwind and fall asleep at night because my brain just never wants to stop thinking, but doing a response before bed helps to calm my mind and help calm me down for bed. Makes me wonder if I should start journaling before bed.
As I read this blog and got to hear more of your story, there is one line that stuck out to me. I believe it stuck out because I can also relate to it. The line, which your counselor said, was ‘“You are quite good at managing your professional life, but your personal life is quite the mess.”’ In my professional and educational life, I am very organized and have a system. I am very anal about it and always strive for success. On my laptop, every class has a folder on my OneDrive and my iCloud. On my iPad, every class has a folder and that folder has sub-folders to keep the different chapters separated from each other. I have a binder just for my nursing paperwork with tab dividers and the divider slips to hold my papers. I use a plastic accordion to organize my Army ROTC paperwork. All my work paperwork has a physical and digital folder. From my perspective and the perspective of others, my professional and educational life is very organized and well put together.
cv fbgnhn b nn fvc On the other hand, my personal life used to be all over the place. Last year I went through a really bad break up that left me completely shattered. But lucky for me, I found somebody else that I am very happy with and am fortunate to have in my life. I used to not really have my personal life together because my last relationship was very unhealthy, which led to my other close relationships, like my parents and family, to also suffer as equally. Since having my new significant other, my personal life has been amazing. This relationship is much better than my last one and I am grateful and feel blessed every day to have them in my life. So even though in the past my personal life was the hot mess express, I am doing much better now and am happier than ever.
Good Morning Dr. Martin,
In the beginning of your post, you discussed that writing helps you work through your frustrations and emotions. I agree with this. I think writing these things out can be very therapeutic.
Your statement about how college isn’t always the best fit for every 18-year-old stuck out to me. I didn’t enroll in college until I was 22 years old. My mental health was not in the best place and I would not have been successful. It is encouraging to hear a college professor say they don’t think it is for everyone. Our society puts a great amount of pressure on graduating high school seniors to jump right into university. I believe I would have done poorly if I jumped right in. However, I am now set to graduate in the fall having more maturity and self-discipline.
I enjoyed reading your trials and tribulations, your ups and downs, throughout your life. It is encouraging as a person in my mid-twenties who feels like one thing after another is being thrown at them. Your writing style is very admirable and well-put. I look forward to reading more of your posts throughout the next few weeks.
-Rachel
Good evening, Dr. Martin!
This post is an interesting one, while reading it the main things that I thought about were all of the times I have interacted with veterans, much older than myself, that I have met as fellow students. It is always interesting to be able to talk to them and see the difference in outlooks on life and college specifically. It helps a lot to put everything into perspective. If it wasn’t for those individuals I probably wouldn’t take my education as seriously as I do. Through talk, ling to those individuals, I also have been able to see that I as life goes on it is not necessarily age that makes you wise it is the experiences that do. Granted it is safe to assume that someone who has been around longer has had more experiences that have been able to shape them and make them wiser. However, the way I see it, the expression the older you are the wiser you are is wrong. It is the more experiences you have the wiser you become. For example, a 25-year-old who has traveled the world, seen life and death, and has been through hardship, is going to be much wiser than a 40-year-old who lived an easy life and never left the area where they grew up.
With all that being said, life is short and the experiences, trials, and tribulations one has is what makes them who they are and what makes people unique. While sometimes the experience may not be a pleasant one often you can come out stronger on the other side. I think your post is an example of that, the more I read the more I felt I got a better understanding of who you are as a person. Which made this read more interesting not only because it offered insight into how your experiences shaped you but also triggered me to think about how I have been shaped through my own experiences.
Tenneson,
Thank you for your thoughts about my blog. I wanted to offer some follow up with what you have written. I appreciate your reflection on the conversations with former service people. Most of the people I meet with were in Vietnam in the serious weeds-time (68-71). It was a tough time both on the ground, and the change in American attitude toward our being there was significant. It was not a popular time to be in the military, and many of those drafted, those conscripted, took the brunt of the bad attitude of the public. We were not thanked for our service; in fact, it was much the opposite.
Again, I appreciate your thoughts. One of the things I am going to encourage you to do is go back and proofread and edit what you have written. There are a number of mistakes here that are simple proofreading and editing. Thanks again for your thoughts though.
Dr. Martin
Good Evening Dr. Martin from my friend’s porch,
As you explain your journey of ups and downs, it gives me a sense of resilience. Everyone goes through tough times in their life and it shows because some did not give up where they could have. It is quite informing to hear that you, a professor at Bloomsburg, have times where not everything came out as planned because it should not be that way. As you mentioned in one of your blog posts about being a perfectionist, you cannot be one. No one can ever be a perfectionist because we are human, and we make mistakes.
As you mentioned about people who give you opportunities to reflect on who you can possibly be are angels. They believe you have more potential, and won’t give up on you just because you have not excelled on what you did. I have met people like your professors and they have fought through the tough times with their academics and own personal life. They gave me ideas, life lessons, and determination. I have grown to appreciate these people because without their presence, I do not know where and who I would be today.
While reading your blog, I have grown to enjoy and to look forward to reading your blog posts. They give me insight about the world, and people’s personal experiences. They motivate me more every time I read one, and I think only taking this class in this summer lets me relax and think about my own thoughts without having other classes interfering with it. Thank you Professor Martin for telling your stories and experiences.
Taleah Ruben 🙂
Your reflections resonate deeply with me, especially as I’ve been grappling with my own sense of displacement since my mother’s passing last fall. Writing, much like it is for you, has become a lifeline—an attempt to make sense of the chaos that life often throws our way.
Your journey through decades of teaching and the evolution of your thoughts on students and education is profound. It’s a reminder of the complexities and nuances that come with such a long career. Your acknowledgment of the societal pressures on students and your own struggles and triumphs provide a rich, authentic perspective that I find both enlightening and comforting.
I’m particularly struck by your honesty about the personal challenges you’ve faced—loss, transitions, and the quest for belonging. Your ability to reflect on these experiences and find grace and gratitude amidst the turmoil is truly inspiring. It’s a reminder that even in our most disjointed moments, there is a thread of resilience that weaves through our lives.
Your stories of connection and the impact of various individuals in your life highlight the importance of relationships and the unexpected ways they shape us. It’s these connections that often help us navigate through periods of feeling “out of place.”
As I move forward, your insights encourage me to embrace kindness, both towards myself and others. The idea that our actions ripple through time and that consequences are timeless is a powerful reminder to approach life with a thoughtful heart.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for being a source of reflection and inspiration. Your blog has provided me with much-needed clarity and a renewed sense of purpose as I navigate my own path.
Dr. Martin,
Your perseverance is unmatched. There are not many people in this world that will go through as much as you have and still look on the bright side of life. You have taken those downfalls and have turned them into learning experiences, degrees, and lessons. From your previous blog post I have read, it’s evident you value the people in your life and often see the good in them. That isn’t something that is found a lot nowadays.
Hello Professor!
One of the most interesting things in life (in my opinion) is learning another person’s story. Even a glimpse into how a person has come to be who they are. Life’s experiences are all unique and it is uniquely fascinating to me that every single person has their own life with their own things going on in it. It is also fascinating to think how many people there are in this world and how many of these unique stories exist just today.
All this being said, it is very enjoyable for me to read this blog post. Being vulnerable and sharing how life has affected you is not an easy task to do, and sharing it to a public blog is very brave.
One part that really stuck out to me is the constant theme of feeling alone. Over the last few months (and many times in my relatively short life) I have felt that same, awful feeling of loneliness. The feeling that you don’t fit in, don’t have a “put together” life, and don’t know what you’re doing in general. Those feelings made me isolate myself from others and put myself down.
This commonality between us is why I found this post so enjoyable. It really spoke to me and showed me how life does get better, you just have to keep living it. Thank you so much for your words and experiences. I hope you have a wonderful day (or whatever time you are reading this).
Alex
Hello! I’m enjoying a peaceful morning in my living room, getting ready to organize the final touches on projects I have planned to launch for this week. It’s truly inspiring to hear the trial and tribulations you experienced to get to the point you are now. As I power through this next academic year, I tell myself how much this college experience means to me. Giving myself the opportunity to write my wrongs and grow at least 1% everyday is a challenge on it’s own. People can do hard things, if this is the life I’m living to turn my dreams into reality then so be it.
I feel so blessed to give myself this opportunity, working and resting as much as possible. Each one of your posts remind me why I’m in the music school in a small town pipeline. The issues with my musicianship and personal challenges have one common enemy, me. Transferring from a community college I had so little insight on what I wanted my career or careers to be. I just knew I wanted to work hard for my opportunities.
Vulnerable moments are what make this human experience for me, magical. I believe vulnerability is one of the most collective experiences and can grow friendships and various types of relationships. At the end of the day, we need to remind ourselves to just the best you can in the moment.
I found the title of this post interesting. So many times people talk about the joy of life or the consequences of a specific action, but I’ve never heard the expression the Consequence of Life before. I found it interesting to read your viewpoints and learn about the people who influenced your life. I appreciated what you had to say about the people who pushed you to venture outside your comfort zone. I just started my summer job. This is the first position I have had in my professional field. The full-time staff have been great, and I can already see a few of them being a major influence in my life. Just today, my immediate supervisor shared a job posting with me that she thought I would find interesting, I did. I’ve only known this woman a week and she’s already taken enough of an interest in me to know that I want to travel after graduation and work with watershed restoration. It made me feel heard and supported. After I graduate, I think about working on short-term assignments at different locations across the county (or even internationally), but I know that I might need someone to encourage me.
I enjoyed reading about all the people who gave you the unexpected push you needed, whether they knew it or not. I’ve been lucky enough to have professors at Bloomsburg who have done that for me. I started as a biology major and quickly learned that I like plants far more than I like people. After I switched to the EGGS department, one of my professors introduced me to disaster management. It’s not an area I ever thought about before but now I am considering it. That professor opened up a new world of possibilities for me to consider. It’s easy for me to get complacent. Having people give me the support and comfort to be adventurous in my profession is a gift.
I strongly related to your comment about having more things to be grateful for than to regret. I realize I am only 21 years into this life, but it definitely has not been without its challenges. I hope to continue this ratio. I do believe my faith plays a substantial role in letting me embrace life while dealing with its challenges. Since you never really know what life is trying to show you.