Hello from the corner of the Study;
It is interesting to me, in a disturbing way, that while I teach writing and understand the process well, I seem to struggle with my own writing. When I was in Wisconsin, it seemed that I could get things out for publication on a somewhat regular basis. That has not been the case since I came here to Bloomsburg. Perhaps it is because I have focused on other things, like a program or other things that have ensconced me into the community, but those things, while helpful, are not enough. I need to write; I need to publish. As one of my colleagues stated it: “I need to get back in dissertation mode.” How true. Perhaps another fear is that I feel the field has passed me by . . . while going to the Computers and Writing Conference was helpful, it helped me realize there are things I need to catch up on. The role of technology and writing does not, and has not slowed down a bit. In fact, it might be going faster. That is another fear. Do I have anything of relevance to say? I just need to sit down and do it. A colleague for whom I have the utmost respect is willing to help me, and we spoke while sitting and sharing a beer at Frostburg State University. Now I am afraid to send him the things I have written. They are old, Are they outdated, irrelevant? Amazing how the very thing I teach, and love doing so, I am afraid to do.
I read my students comments about getting started and give them strategies to do it and then fail to employ them myself. The other thing I have realized this summer is one of the persons for whom I have the most admiration and of whom I am in awe of because of his ability to compartmentalize and focus, is away from Bloomsburg and I am feeling pretty lonely, and perhaps even frightened.
So . . . what do to . . . perhaps I need to do what I tell my students . . . sit down and do a bit at a time . . . . write and walk away and then come back. Perhaps I need to believe in myself a bit more, but that has always been more of an issue than most realize. Tonight or certainly tomorrow, I need to get this conference proposal out. Then I need to follow up on a meeting with another potential writing colleague’s thoughts and works and get that out. Perhaps after I get the first one done and off my plate the rest will be, or at least, seem easier.
In the meanwhile, I am going to do some blogging on these topics specifically. Maybe I will get some feedback from others through my hashtags that will create some sort of intellectual synergy and get me on the right track. In the meanwhile, it is summer session and I have 35 students who are looking to me for guidance and assistance . . . . i am on both sides of the blank stare again . . . does it ever change?
Thanks for reading.
Michael (the one side) and Dr. Martin (the other side)
thewritingprofessor55 
The proclivity of doubt of oneself in the human mind is a sharp reminder of the human condition. I doubt myself often, and other times I have moments of greatness, or so I believe. Sometimes when I write essays, and other scholarly writings I tend to read my writing. I read it over and analyze the details, sometimes avoiding common words. Though not everyone has my vocabulary, and I noticed when reading my writing such as my resume, my own father couldn’t pronounce a word I had written. I had him read it because he hires for Geisinger. I realized that keeping it simple is not such a bad thing and likely a key part of technical writing. Concision is a key part of technical writing, now that I have taken this class where prior I had believed technical writing focused on intricate, long, and detailed writing. Thank you for reading my comment, and likely reading all comments made by your students.
Dr. Martin,
I think that what you are saying about the things you are writing being irrelevant and being scared to share in general is very relatable. I also struggle with balancing writing for fun with writing in a more professional setting. Personally, I haven’t written anything that sparks joy in a long time. All I do is do the writing I am required to do, and then I am too burnt out to do anything else. It can take a lot to simply sit down and write something, and then to share it with someone you respect can be even harder. You mention fearing it being relevant; my main fear is usually judgment. Although I understand that, no matter what, it is inevitable to have someone judge you, in this case, when you read something, you are automatically going to judge it, and as a writer who has a hard time taking harsh criticism, it is tricky.
This semester, I began taking a creative writing class, and something we do throughout the week is critique each other’s writing. I have already submitted all my critiques, and the vast difference in responses was interesting. The first piece I submitted was very rushed and not at all finished to my standards. But I had to get it done, and, of course, the critiques were fitting for the work that I submitted. However, my second time around, when I put the time into my work, it flourished and got many positive critiques.
What I can say about taking some time away from something and doing it little by little is that it is actually some of the best advice I have received. I tend to get frustrated if I repeatedly work at something because it feels tedious and like you are running out of ideas. I tend to do this with all assignments. I stand up and let myself do something different to clear my head. And then I jump back into it and feel ready to take the rest on.
Although I feel like you definitely don’t need my advice on writing, I think the best thing to do is to never force it. If you don’t feel compelled to write, don’t do it, or just take a little time to think about why you feel that way. Is it burnout? Is it fear? Food for thought, I suppose.
Thank you for your thoughts. I enjoyed reading them!
Dr. Martin,
I find your outlook on how anything you write never measuring up to your own expectations relatable. Struggling with the very thing that you teach and inspire people to learn does make it feel as though the words that are written should be by default better which gives a certain weight to the words that would make anyone disheartened. I feel sad for the situation that writing has put you in even though it’s something you genuinely enjoy because the field has evolved/changed without you making it feel that you’ve been left behind but it doesn’t mean that you should be disheartened by the thought of that change. The field expanding is something to be excited about rather than dreading about failure since it is never a stagnant study this allows for a better understanding and improvement of your writing style. I can see how this mindset can lead to being scared of sharing your work with a colleague that you respect due to the fear of showing them something that’s not your best but the whole reason they are your colleague is to help you whenever something may seem hard and for the same thing to be done to them whenever they my be in a stump because the way it sounds to me they are more than happy to help you grow into a better writer that’s what colleagues do for each other. I think your colleague won’t think any different of you if they saw your writing they only want to help someone that they see as an equal. I have seen your writing and can tell that you have changed and improved which means that no matter how far back you may feel from the standard there is always a strive for improvement and having that feeling of never being satisfied shows your desire for change that is happening. All of your hard work has been acknowledged and respected it will never stay the same and is leagues above a novice like me.
When it comes to me, the idea of having work that I can never be proud is always in the back of my head. The people that I’ve made friends with and work along always seem to be in a higher echelon than my writing. That feeling is something that I hate personally but it doesn’t devour me because I know the reason they have been by my side is that they see me as an equal or even as someone better than them so whenever I would ask for help I know they do it not judge because they have either been in the same situation or know how it feels and wants to help so we can all keep up with our expanding fields. I find the honesty that are shown through your words of being wary about writing to be a feeling that is understandable but doesn’t have to be felt. You’ve had a job for longer than I would’ve had and have inspired and changed the lives of the students you’ve taught and made into better writers. I only hope that things that you’ve learned and the honesty that is shown can be something that I could do in the future and hope that you can see that your writing has impact and will never be subpar.
Sincerely,
Trey Schappert